I was tricked! Satan is a sneaky, evil, deceitful, disruptive, LIAR!!!!!!
God is with me and He blesses ANYTHING that I do to be closer to Him! What did my parents do when I brought home my 4 year old scribbles from pre-school??- They PROUDLY hung them on the refrigerator for all to see!!! God loves EVERYTHING that I offer up to Him.
THANKS to an amazing group of accountability partners, I see that I was deceived into thinking that my fast was a waste- that it was useless- that it "wasn't working". NO!!! It WAS "working"!!! God is with me! He is ALWAYS with me because He is IN me.
He is IN me. Submit. Surrender. Give myself to Him. Stop holding back. Stop holding on. Just give it all to Him. JUMP!!!!!
<3
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sucky fasting
I broke my fast today. It was a crappy fast. It was a fast based on my own understanding and not out of reverence, desire for, or supplication to God.
Earlier this year, God led me into and through a life-changing 21 day fast. It was the first time that I was led to fast (though I had refrained from food before, saying that I was fasting, but not understanding what I was doing). This time God called and I partook in the [Daniel] fast with a heart of obedience. I trusted Him and He blessed me.
This time - mid-May- I had big plans! I was going to fast for the month prior to my missions trip.
Now it's been about 2.5 weeks since I started it, and I am very aware of the fact that I'm not feeling even a quarter of the benefits that I felt before- I'm not feeling closer to God, but rather further. I'm not feeling healthier, but rather yuckier. I'm not feeling freedom in Christ, but rather bondage. I realize that part of this may be spiritual attacks from the enemy who is just DYING to tell me what a failure I am and how I won't live up and how I am a fraud - and frankly - I just realized when I wrote that out, that I AM a fraud - at least in this. I am supposed to live an authentic life - doing everything by, through, and with the Holy Spirit... but this big thing which is supposed to be an offering to God was done by, through, and with ME.
I suck.
Is that a bad thing to say? Yes. I guess. Because I don't suck...not when I'm not me... not when I'm living for God... then I don't suck because I'm God's child... perfect in His sight. Unfortunately, that's not the case for me now. I'm a fraud. I learned who I was in Christ and then started trying to imitate it on my own power for my own good.
I want to defend myself here. I am torn. I want to tell myself that I'm not THAT bad...that I do so much right... but - *let me pause here and have a heart-to-heart with myself- Carissa, that's not what you asked for. You asked God to show you you. You asked God to show you what He sees and hears. This is a blessing. It is a blessing to see your fraud-hood. *end of heart-to-heart. :)
So now I seek God and start over- looking to Him for direction and guidance and seeking to be obedient. Ohhhh... God just showed me that I should "hold onto the progress [I] have already made" (Phil 3:16) and "fix [my] thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (Phil 4:8) "For I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength" (Phil 4:13)
I just started reading an amazing book on fasting and will seek God and start over as He leads. :)
Earlier this year, God led me into and through a life-changing 21 day fast. It was the first time that I was led to fast (though I had refrained from food before, saying that I was fasting, but not understanding what I was doing). This time God called and I partook in the [Daniel] fast with a heart of obedience. I trusted Him and He blessed me.
This time - mid-May- I had big plans! I was going to fast for the month prior to my missions trip.
Now it's been about 2.5 weeks since I started it, and I am very aware of the fact that I'm not feeling even a quarter of the benefits that I felt before- I'm not feeling closer to God, but rather further. I'm not feeling healthier, but rather yuckier. I'm not feeling freedom in Christ, but rather bondage. I realize that part of this may be spiritual attacks from the enemy who is just DYING to tell me what a failure I am and how I won't live up and how I am a fraud - and frankly - I just realized when I wrote that out, that I AM a fraud - at least in this. I am supposed to live an authentic life - doing everything by, through, and with the Holy Spirit... but this big thing which is supposed to be an offering to God was done by, through, and with ME.
I suck.
Is that a bad thing to say? Yes. I guess. Because I don't suck...not when I'm not me... not when I'm living for God... then I don't suck because I'm God's child... perfect in His sight. Unfortunately, that's not the case for me now. I'm a fraud. I learned who I was in Christ and then started trying to imitate it on my own power for my own good.
I want to defend myself here. I am torn. I want to tell myself that I'm not THAT bad...that I do so much right... but - *let me pause here and have a heart-to-heart with myself- Carissa, that's not what you asked for. You asked God to show you you. You asked God to show you what He sees and hears. This is a blessing. It is a blessing to see your fraud-hood. *end of heart-to-heart. :)
So now I seek God and start over- looking to Him for direction and guidance and seeking to be obedient. Ohhhh... God just showed me that I should "hold onto the progress [I] have already made" (Phil 3:16) and "fix [my] thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise." (Phil 4:8) "For I can do all things through Christ, who gives me strength" (Phil 4:13)
I just started reading an amazing book on fasting and will seek God and start over as He leads. :)
Monday, May 24, 2010
Be totally dependant
Glory to God, Glory to God! Glory to God FOREVER!!!
I'm in the midst of it here- in the last week of my current job, preparing for my missions trip, and trying to do my new job with very little direction and no tools.
Glory to God, Glory to God! Glory to God FOREVER!!!
I'm struggling today with stress levels. I'm trying to get it all done and I pause to try to give it to God, but as soon as I stop thinking about giving it to Him, I take it back. It's like I'm handing it to Him, but before I give Him a chance to take it, I turn around and then look down and see that it's still in my hands.
Glory to God, Glory to God! Glory to God FOREVER!!!
I decided to take my lunch early and go outside and pray and read the Bible (Psalms & Phillipians today) - today's verse of the day in my mind is Phil 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
It started to rain on me when I was out there, so I stood under a nearby tree for a moment and breathed. When I exhaled, I was just taken away from myself. I was left just marvelling at what I saw...
I saw the most beautiful tree EVER!! This tree had beauty that brought me into a new world- a new mindset. It humbled me and reminded me (even for a moment) of how AMAZING our Creator is!! The bark on the tree was absolutely SPECTACULAR- it was all peely and reminded me of ME - no, not my terrible skin, but my layers. My roughness. All the dead stuff that must continue to be shed. Oh, and the leaves!! The leaves were so perfect- their color and shape and the miracle of the veins of the phloem (<--leaf blood- I recently learned about it :)). Oh, and I SO love the way the leaves are layered and how the light shines through them differently depending on the leaves/layers/branches that are around them...Whoa! That's like me! God's light shines brightly or dully or not at all through me depending on the other people (leaves) around me! Cool realization. - And check this other thing out- He also created these cool little green things that pop out of the soil below it... they...
Green little things popping out of the soil?
[baah hahaha ha!] I just made myself laugh! ... I wonder if that was grass??? Wow. Now I want to know. I'm gonna go take a picture with my stinky-quality camera phone. You've GOT to see this! BRB <--be right back!
[pause]
Phew! I'm back! Ok. I went and got this picture, but realized that I totally forgot to inspect the green things in the soil beneath it. Oh well, I guess it's good to have a little mystery in my life! It's really like tree soil BLING, isn't it?
Wow! GORGEOUS!
Here's another one- I snapped a pic of a different tree that I was gazing at over my lunch break.
I love to pray through the trees. I wonder if that is bad or weird? Well- it's definitely weird. I'm sure all the people that drive by on the busy road that I work on think I'm a nut and a half when they see me lovingly staring up at the trees- oftentimes praying (which can look like I'm muttering to myself).
Nowadays I've been moved to praise God right out loud and in the open- arms raised, reaching for and praising our AMAZING Father in heaven! Ah well- I'm okay with looking crazy - God blessed me by giving me less filters than many people have. (I still have way too many- I still worry far too much about what people think- but I'm working on that. :)) I notice that just like sinning (which gets easier as you do it), praising and proclaiming my love for the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE is getting easier too! It's too bad that it's ever been hard.
Glory to God, Glory to God! Glory to God FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!
<3
I'm in the midst of it here- in the last week of my current job, preparing for my missions trip, and trying to do my new job with very little direction and no tools.
Glory to God, Glory to God! Glory to God FOREVER!!!
I'm struggling today with stress levels. I'm trying to get it all done and I pause to try to give it to God, but as soon as I stop thinking about giving it to Him, I take it back. It's like I'm handing it to Him, but before I give Him a chance to take it, I turn around and then look down and see that it's still in my hands.
Glory to God, Glory to God! Glory to God FOREVER!!!
I decided to take my lunch early and go outside and pray and read the Bible (Psalms & Phillipians today) - today's verse of the day in my mind is Phil 4:13 For I can do everything through Christ, who gives me strength.
It started to rain on me when I was out there, so I stood under a nearby tree for a moment and breathed. When I exhaled, I was just taken away from myself. I was left just marvelling at what I saw...
I saw the most beautiful tree EVER!! This tree had beauty that brought me into a new world- a new mindset. It humbled me and reminded me (even for a moment) of how AMAZING our Creator is!! The bark on the tree was absolutely SPECTACULAR- it was all peely and reminded me of ME - no, not my terrible skin, but my layers. My roughness. All the dead stuff that must continue to be shed. Oh, and the leaves!! The leaves were so perfect- their color and shape and the miracle of the veins of the phloem (<--leaf blood- I recently learned about it :)). Oh, and I SO love the way the leaves are layered and how the light shines through them differently depending on the leaves/layers/branches that are around them...Whoa! That's like me! God's light shines brightly or dully or not at all through me depending on the other people (leaves) around me! Cool realization. - And check this other thing out- He also created these cool little green things that pop out of the soil below it... they...
Green little things popping out of the soil?
[baah hahaha ha!] I just made myself laugh! ... I wonder if that was grass??? Wow. Now I want to know. I'm gonna go take a picture with my stinky-quality camera phone. You've GOT to see this! BRB <--be right back!
[pause]
Wow! GORGEOUS!
Here's another one- I snapped a pic of a different tree that I was gazing at over my lunch break.
I love to pray through the trees. I wonder if that is bad or weird? Well- it's definitely weird. I'm sure all the people that drive by on the busy road that I work on think I'm a nut and a half when they see me lovingly staring up at the trees- oftentimes praying (which can look like I'm muttering to myself).
Nowadays I've been moved to praise God right out loud and in the open- arms raised, reaching for and praising our AMAZING Father in heaven! Ah well- I'm okay with looking crazy - God blessed me by giving me less filters than many people have. (I still have way too many- I still worry far too much about what people think- but I'm working on that. :)) I notice that just like sinning (which gets easier as you do it), praising and proclaiming my love for the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE is getting easier too! It's too bad that it's ever been hard.
Glory to God, Glory to God! Glory to God FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!
<3
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Monday, May 17, 2010
God spoke to me
How can I best express this??? Listen- this is CRAZY... I just had this revelation... (or at least the burst of enthusiasm around it)... check this out:
The bible... (Bible? Big B or little b? Does it matter?) - anyway listen- the bible is God SPEAKING to US. The words in there... especially the red letters are GOD speaking TO US. to US. God speaking.... TO us.
WHAT?? You can crack your Bible open and you can SEE with YOUR OWN EYES what GOD has said to US. He came down to earth and got into a human body (imperfect, except it was made by the Creator of all things, so even in its imperfection, it is perfect!, but I digress)... and then God- Jesus- SPOKE. He spoke and He had some of his best buddies write down what he said, and VOILA!! WE - you and me - have GOD'S WORDS on paper. Right there. Riiiiiiiiiiight there.
GOD has given us HIS WORDS- HIS VOICE- HIS MESSAGE --- and look --- He made them all waaaaaaay too easy to get access to (for us in America). We aren't fighting to read them. We aren't forced to die to read them. We just HAVE THEM. We have GOD'S WORDS in a book in front of us (or in our bag, or on our desk, or nightstand, or on our shelf)... PICK THEM UP and LOOK AT THEM!
Think of them as an email... a text message...a handwritten letter... whatever it takes- but realize that this is how God chose to communicate with us. Incidentally, He also gave the Holy Spirit to us as well (to chat on our behalf with God and to tell us what God says). We have all the means we need to hear God and what He thinks about any given situation... how dare I take that for granted?
Wow.
Listen, Carissa. Listen.
<3
The bible... (Bible? Big B or little b? Does it matter?) - anyway listen- the bible is God SPEAKING to US. The words in there... especially the red letters are GOD speaking TO US. to US. God speaking.... TO us.
WHAT?? You can crack your Bible open and you can SEE with YOUR OWN EYES what GOD has said to US. He came down to earth and got into a human body (imperfect, except it was made by the Creator of all things, so even in its imperfection, it is perfect!, but I digress)... and then God- Jesus- SPOKE. He spoke and He had some of his best buddies write down what he said, and VOILA!! WE - you and me - have GOD'S WORDS on paper. Right there. Riiiiiiiiiiight there.
GOD has given us HIS WORDS- HIS VOICE- HIS MESSAGE --- and look --- He made them all waaaaaaay too easy to get access to (for us in America). We aren't fighting to read them. We aren't forced to die to read them. We just HAVE THEM. We have GOD'S WORDS in a book in front of us (or in our bag, or on our desk, or nightstand, or on our shelf)... PICK THEM UP and LOOK AT THEM!
Think of them as an email... a text message...a handwritten letter... whatever it takes- but realize that this is how God chose to communicate with us. Incidentally, He also gave the Holy Spirit to us as well (to chat on our behalf with God and to tell us what God says). We have all the means we need to hear God and what He thinks about any given situation... how dare I take that for granted?
Wow.
Listen, Carissa. Listen.
<3
Friday, May 14, 2010
If I die soon
If I die soon I'd like to leave the following instructions for my funeral service:
Message? I'd like for the message- the talk- to be lead by the members of my small group (because my small group is Spirit-filled and the members of it are such amazing people that have helped me follow Jesus better! I want them to share that same zeal, zest, joy, love, overflowing passion for the Lord with my family and friends). I still want Pastor Jimmy to be there because...well... first of all... he knows what he is doing :) - and more importantly, he will allow the Spirit to work through him to lift up my small group members to give the message, which will ultimately lift up the rest of the people who come. (Ok... yeah... good point... maybe no one will come... but at least all the funeral leaders will have eachother!)
Music? This might be going a little overboard, but if we can get them, I'd like for Josh & Tasha Via to be the worship leaders and for the Journey band to play/sing/WORSHIP their hearts out! I LOVE the Journey band and when they let go of themselves, they lead us to let go of ourselves and that's when the Holy Spirit can really dig in and get some good work done - plowing our hearts.
I used to want a gravestone or a monument or something to remember me by...but I don't anymore. It's not about me. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. (Carissa to heaven!! booyah!!)
I WOULD like for my family to talk to my small group and to read my blog- so any of you who are reading this out there, if I die- please ask my family to please read my blog -- at least the part where they can see (if they can see) how God picked me up and gave me a whole new life!! I want them to know that they can have that too! Ask them to read John. My sister Corie gave me a John devotional when I was going through a tough (<--understatement) time. That really kicked off my desire to [really] read the Bible and whet my appetite to know more and more about God. Incidentally, the devotional Corie gave me was called The Discovery: Beyond the Jesus of Flapjacks and Grilled Cheese by Josh Via.
side note:
Someday I'll write a blog about why I want to be a Via (<-- a whole family of Spirit filled, Christ-centered, Father-pleasing believers!)... but for now, it was the influence of Pastor Smooth [truth] Via and his family, and Josh [transparency] Via and his family that has given me a snapshot of who I want to be when I grow up. I grew up in a family that ran amusement parks and I used to have lots of kids that wanted to be my friend because of my family- and I think that I'm on the other side of the coin now. It's kind of crazy and I feel envious (in a positive, they're-my-role-models way.... NOT a creepy-stalker-way.... I just wanted to clarify that. :)) Anyway, the Via's are doing it RIGHT and because of that, God has put them in my life as an example- it all started when Corie gave me Josh's book and somehow I ended up with a CD, and now I can't get enough of them! Ooops... this is NOT an Ode-to-the-Via's blog!!! This is DEFINITELY a "When I DIE" blog and I've gotten waaaaay off track!
Focus!
Angh. I guess I'll get back to it another time- I'm pretty tuckered out and ready for some ZZZZssss. What I SHOULD be focusing on when and if I get back to writing about "when I die" is on the things that I hope to have done...
I hope to have lived honestly.
I hope to have loved fully.
I hope to have not held back.
I hope to have worshiped with everything I have, over and over and over
I hope to have witnessed and appreciated God's creation over and over and over
I hope to have been true to the Spirit's prompts in each moment
I hope to have conquered my sin nature!!! <--pshaw! a girl CAN hope, can't she? :)
I hope to have SURRENDERED my sin nature. <--- ahhhhhhh yes.
I hope to have been a good friend
I hope to have been faithful to my spouse in every way
I hope to have been obedient.
I hope that someone will have seen the light in me and said "I want that too!"... and that as an outcome of that, they surrender their life and will to Jesus and that we (whoever that person is) get to worship our God together under a Heavenly tree by a Heavenly babbling brook in the Heavenly place that Jesus has prepared for us!
I'm wrapping up now- please- peoplepeoplepeople, DON'T WORRY! I know this is a kind of crazy topic, but it's what I have on my mind. I'm not going anywhere... yet. Not until God takes me...and please know, that when He does, it will be the BEST DAY of my LIFE!
I love you!
Mooshy smooshy, signing off!
<3
Message? I'd like for the message- the talk- to be lead by the members of my small group (because my small group is Spirit-filled and the members of it are such amazing people that have helped me follow Jesus better! I want them to share that same zeal, zest, joy, love, overflowing passion for the Lord with my family and friends). I still want Pastor Jimmy to be there because...well... first of all... he knows what he is doing :) - and more importantly, he will allow the Spirit to work through him to lift up my small group members to give the message, which will ultimately lift up the rest of the people who come. (Ok... yeah... good point... maybe no one will come... but at least all the funeral leaders will have eachother!)
Music? This might be going a little overboard, but if we can get them, I'd like for Josh & Tasha Via to be the worship leaders and for the Journey band to play/sing/WORSHIP their hearts out! I LOVE the Journey band and when they let go of themselves, they lead us to let go of ourselves and that's when the Holy Spirit can really dig in and get some good work done - plowing our hearts.
I used to want a gravestone or a monument or something to remember me by...but I don't anymore. It's not about me. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. (Carissa to heaven!! booyah!!)
I WOULD like for my family to talk to my small group and to read my blog- so any of you who are reading this out there, if I die- please ask my family to please read my blog -- at least the part where they can see (if they can see) how God picked me up and gave me a whole new life!! I want them to know that they can have that too! Ask them to read John. My sister Corie gave me a John devotional when I was going through a tough (<--understatement) time. That really kicked off my desire to [really] read the Bible and whet my appetite to know more and more about God. Incidentally, the devotional Corie gave me was called The Discovery: Beyond the Jesus of Flapjacks and Grilled Cheese by Josh Via.
side note:
Someday I'll write a blog about why I want to be a Via (<-- a whole family of Spirit filled, Christ-centered, Father-pleasing believers!)... but for now, it was the influence of Pastor Smooth [truth] Via and his family, and Josh [transparency] Via and his family that has given me a snapshot of who I want to be when I grow up. I grew up in a family that ran amusement parks and I used to have lots of kids that wanted to be my friend because of my family- and I think that I'm on the other side of the coin now. It's kind of crazy and I feel envious (in a positive, they're-my-role-models way.... NOT a creepy-stalker-way.... I just wanted to clarify that. :)) Anyway, the Via's are doing it RIGHT and because of that, God has put them in my life as an example- it all started when Corie gave me Josh's book and somehow I ended up with a CD, and now I can't get enough of them! Ooops... this is NOT an Ode-to-the-Via's blog!!! This is DEFINITELY a "When I DIE" blog and I've gotten waaaaay off track!
Focus!
Angh. I guess I'll get back to it another time- I'm pretty tuckered out and ready for some ZZZZssss. What I SHOULD be focusing on when and if I get back to writing about "when I die" is on the things that I hope to have done...
I hope to have lived honestly.
I hope to have loved fully.
I hope to have not held back.
I hope to have worshiped with everything I have, over and over and over
I hope to have witnessed and appreciated God's creation over and over and over
I hope to have been true to the Spirit's prompts in each moment
I hope to have conquered my sin nature!!! <--pshaw! a girl CAN hope, can't she? :)
I hope to have SURRENDERED my sin nature. <--- ahhhhhhh yes.
I hope to have been a good friend
I hope to have been faithful to my spouse in every way
I hope to have been obedient.
I hope that someone will have seen the light in me and said "I want that too!"... and that as an outcome of that, they surrender their life and will to Jesus and that we (whoever that person is) get to worship our God together under a Heavenly tree by a Heavenly babbling brook in the Heavenly place that Jesus has prepared for us!
I'm wrapping up now- please- peoplepeoplepeople, DON'T WORRY! I know this is a kind of crazy topic, but it's what I have on my mind. I'm not going anywhere... yet. Not until God takes me...and please know, that when He does, it will be the BEST DAY of my LIFE!
I love you!
Mooshy smooshy, signing off!
<3
Monday, May 10, 2010
Obedience
Josh Via said the best thing this weekend at church during the transition from the worship (music portion of the church service) to the message (the talk part)- He said that he and his wife, Tasha, are currently working on teaching their kids about obedience and outlined three expectations in their household around this....They expect their kids to obey them:
1. All the way
2. Right away
3. With a happy heart
Josh then went on to say that when we're honest, we'll see in our own lives that that's not how we obey our Father- that often we may find ourselves obeying:
1. Part of the way
2. Eventually
3. While kicking and screaming
Yep. Me too. I have been given this gift of the Spirit - the gift of a new life (given to little ole' me by the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE) - the best, most amazing, incredible, mind-blowing, gift EVER POSSIBLE - I have God in me and with me for all eternity!!!!! WHAT?!!! Yes. So why am I squandering that gift? Seriously. Why?
Nothing else matters.
Stop letting other things matter or get in the way. Live life THROUGH and BY God... think through what that means... THROUGH God - through his plans, prompts, experiences (that He puts in my life), relationships (that He puts in my life)... and BY God - by His Word, his voice, his prompts, his commandments.
JDI!!!
(just do it.)
<3
1. All the way
2. Right away
3. With a happy heart
Josh then went on to say that when we're honest, we'll see in our own lives that that's not how we obey our Father- that often we may find ourselves obeying:
1. Part of the way
2. Eventually
3. While kicking and screaming
Yep. Me too. I have been given this gift of the Spirit - the gift of a new life (given to little ole' me by the GOD OF THE UNIVERSE) - the best, most amazing, incredible, mind-blowing, gift EVER POSSIBLE - I have God in me and with me for all eternity!!!!! WHAT?!!! Yes. So why am I squandering that gift? Seriously. Why?
Nothing else matters.
Stop letting other things matter or get in the way. Live life THROUGH and BY God... think through what that means... THROUGH God - through his plans, prompts, experiences (that He puts in my life), relationships (that He puts in my life)... and BY God - by His Word, his voice, his prompts, his commandments.
JDI!!!
(just do it.)
<3
The nuggets
It was like I was mining for gold nuggets all weekend!! - ok - Actually, I wasn't doing the actual mining- it was more like I was sitting back on one of those fancy Cleopatra-like chairs and someone fabulous (I picture them dressed in a purple and gold tunic with metallic thong sandals) was fanning me and feeding me grapes while a lineup of inspired people were bringing me - presenting me with - gold nuggets of valuable information. At this point I still haven't had any solid time to be with, and go through, and examine, and polish said nuggets... but I am hoping to do that soon. In the meantime, I found myself here - tippity tapping away at the keyboard - not quite sure of what I'll write.
Hmm. I just realized that I might not blog "properly". I think you are supposed to prepare a well thought out soliloquy for the masses... but frankly, I think my favorite (of my) blogs come from just spilling where I am in my life and thoughts at any given moment.... so I'll just do that, K?
Oh, but I want to tell you all about the nuggets I wrote down this weekend!! Is this a bragging point or what?? --> I totally took 10 pages of notes at church this weekend!?! [Carissa stands up a little straighter with a big prideful grin] I am SOOOO cool!! <-- Yeah yeah yeah... I see that. That's not good. That's why I'm calling myself out on it. Prideful grin = ack...
...However, I really was lucky enough to be able to hear the message at Journey 4 times this weekend! I think I should do that EVERY WEEK no matter what, even when I'm not serving because I learn new things every time I hear the talk!... anyway... it was SO good! My major takeaways =
- eep! - I started to write this out and it's too much. There was SO much goodness in the sermon- so much! I can't recount it. But YOU should check it out here!
Bunny trail of the day:
OH WOW!!! DID YOU SEE THAT??? Look above... look where I say "my best blogs come from just spilling where I am in my life and thoughts at any given moment... so I'll do that". THEN I say --> "Oh, but I want to tell you..." WHAT??? That's the problem with me. A big problem. What am I freaking out about? Let me break it down:
See where I wrote "Oh, but I want..."? Well let's look at each part of that...
I miss the Bible. I haven't been devouring it- hungry for it- the way I was before so I haven't been partaking of it the way I should. And I really miss God speaking to me so clearly. Yes, He's talking right now- He's all around me- loving me with his mooshy marshmellowy loving grace - I feel it - but I'm not in tune with it. I'm not obedient to it with my whole being.
Hmm. I just realized that I might not blog "properly". I think you are supposed to prepare a well thought out soliloquy for the masses... but frankly, I think my favorite (of my) blogs come from just spilling where I am in my life and thoughts at any given moment.... so I'll just do that, K?
Oh, but I want to tell you all about the nuggets I wrote down this weekend!! Is this a bragging point or what?? --> I totally took 10 pages of notes at church this weekend!?! [Carissa stands up a little straighter with a big prideful grin] I am SOOOO cool!! <-- Yeah yeah yeah... I see that. That's not good. That's why I'm calling myself out on it. Prideful grin = ack...
...However, I really was lucky enough to be able to hear the message at Journey 4 times this weekend! I think I should do that EVERY WEEK no matter what, even when I'm not serving because I learn new things every time I hear the talk!... anyway... it was SO good! My major takeaways =
- eep! - I started to write this out and it's too much. There was SO much goodness in the sermon- so much! I can't recount it. But YOU should check it out here!
Bunny trail of the day:
OH WOW!!! DID YOU SEE THAT??? Look above... look where I say "my best blogs come from just spilling where I am in my life and thoughts at any given moment... so I'll do that". THEN I say --> "Oh, but I want to tell you..." WHAT??? That's the problem with me. A big problem. What am I freaking out about? Let me break it down:
See where I wrote "Oh, but I want..."? Well let's look at each part of that...
- BUT I want...(emphasis on "but"... negates everything before it)
- but I want...(emphasis on "I"... focus on self)
- but I WANT...(emphasis on "want" ... focus on attainment)
I miss the Bible. I haven't been devouring it- hungry for it- the way I was before so I haven't been partaking of it the way I should. And I really miss God speaking to me so clearly. Yes, He's talking right now- He's all around me- loving me with his mooshy marshmellowy loving grace - I feel it - but I'm not in tune with it. I'm not obedient to it with my whole being.
What does it mean? How do I become obedient??? I heard the best thing this weekend about it. I'm gonna try something else though and break out what I heard into a different blog post/message... it is definitely worthy of it's own post.
This one is a rant anyway... just a rant. No substance. I need to be careful about blabbing for the sake of blabbing. It's like what Beverly Carroll said- "Don't talk ABOUT God without first talking TO God". What a GREAT principle! I'm gonna try to put that into action.... What does that look like to you? For me it means that I've got to be in the Word and constant prayer. More Bible. More prayer.)
<3
<3
Creation blows my mind
I'll tell you about one of the topics Jimmy & Beverly Carroll talked about at Journey this weekend - experiencing God in creation.
I related to this so deeply. I LOVE to look up at trees and the sky and bask in the love of God through creation...through the movement of the Spirit in nature! One time someone saw me and must have thought I was (a.) crazy or (b.) upset, but I wasn't either of those... I was just "having a moment" with God! I often find myself in that place- gaga by God....awestruck by His amazing creation! I am brought closest to God when I am walking with Him in nature. I look up through the trees -through the layers of visible love and I soak in the brightness shining from within the leaves and marvel at the contrast of the light shining through them and I see- experience and feel in an incredibly tangible way- Him. Holy HOLY HOLY God. I see Him in the clouds and stars - the miraculous sky - too and am just reduced to mush.... does this happen to you too?
I related to this so deeply. I LOVE to look up at trees and the sky and bask in the love of God through creation...through the movement of the Spirit in nature! One time someone saw me and must have thought I was (a.) crazy or (b.) upset, but I wasn't either of those... I was just "having a moment" with God! I often find myself in that place- gaga by God....awestruck by His amazing creation! I am brought closest to God when I am walking with Him in nature. I look up through the trees -through the layers of visible love and I soak in the brightness shining from within the leaves and marvel at the contrast of the light shining through them and I see- experience and feel in an incredibly tangible way- Him. Holy HOLY HOLY God. I see Him in the clouds and stars - the miraculous sky - too and am just reduced to mush.... does this happen to you too?
Friday, May 7, 2010
Feast!
So I've been snacking... snacking on Jesus.
I've been so busy that I haven't taken the time to dig in - to spend good solid time reading the bible and in conversation with God. My favorite time for the past few months this year was when my dog and I would go on weekly or bi-weekly long walks with God. I haven't been on one (with just Rue and I and God) for weeks now. That prayer/worship/reflection time is integral for my spiritual growth. I must prioritize it.
Jesus is not to be snacked on. I must FEAST!!
Carissa, just DIG IN!!!
I've been so busy that I haven't taken the time to dig in - to spend good solid time reading the bible and in conversation with God. My favorite time for the past few months this year was when my dog and I would go on weekly or bi-weekly long walks with God. I haven't been on one (with just Rue and I and God) for weeks now. That prayer/worship/reflection time is integral for my spiritual growth. I must prioritize it.
Jesus is not to be snacked on. I must FEAST!!
Carissa, just DIG IN!!!
(this pic is of my nephew, Caden, doing just that) :)
<3
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Unrelated thoughts
Today God is speaking to me about my "words"... about the power that words have, and the fact that they can either give joylifepeace or they can hurt people deeply. God tells me that I have to watch them... be careful with them...no...be FAITHFUL with them.
I LOVED this quote today:
Don't get impatient, remember how God dealt with you - with patience and with gentleness; but never water down the truth of God. Let it have its way and never apologize for it. Jesus said, "Go and make disciples," not "make converts to your opinions." ~ Oswald Chambers
Verse of the week...month...year:
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7 NLT)
What else?
That all I have to do is focus on God- live for Him. That's ALL I "have to do"...Put HIM first... the rest will follow.
That I am SO blessed to have an amazing community of believers surrounding me and building me up. That God uses me - especially when I am not trying to be used - when I am just weak in the knees with love for Him.
That nothing matters but God.
That I have to thank Him first - praise Him - worship Him with my everything.... then ask Him to transform me. [pause] Then be faithful to His prompting. [pause] I've fallen away. I've fallen away from obedience. I failed and I got mad at myself and I stopped talking to myself. I stopped being honest with myself and God. I started living by shame....controlled... stifled... by shame.
God loves me anyway. God is with me anyway. I can be the biggest pot of sin in the world- but God doesn't see that- His focus is on the love that He has for me - His everlasting perfect love which, by the blood of Jesus, is IN me! That's what He sees...so then I need to focus on that love TOO! I need to get my eyes off my shame- off my sin- off the ugly parts of me, and onto the beautiful parts of me and the world!! --> Namely: LOVE!
This marks the end of today's random rant.
Happy Thursday.
woooooooH! I just got excited!!!! A pinwheel of happiness just spun my heart!!!! Why? Because I just re-realized that today I get to go to my first mid-week tech/worship team rehearsal! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE serving at Journey??? It doesn't make much sense because you'd think that an extra "to-do" on my already-crazy schedule would be an added stressor- but no- I am rejuvinated when I am serving!!
There is this surreal mixture of rest and an uprising of joy in me when I am working for, by, and with God... you won't get it unless you do it- so I'll stop talking about it because I sound the same as everyone else who I ignored for so long who talked about how much they got out of it and that I just nodded and smiled at... meh.
HAPPY THURSDAY!
a cha cha cha chaaaa!
I LOVED this quote today:
Don't get impatient, remember how God dealt with you - with patience and with gentleness; but never water down the truth of God. Let it have its way and never apologize for it. Jesus said, "Go and make disciples," not "make converts to your opinions." ~ Oswald Chambers
Verse of the week...month...year:
Don't worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all He has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus. (Phil 4:6-7 NLT)
What else?
That all I have to do is focus on God- live for Him. That's ALL I "have to do"...Put HIM first... the rest will follow.
That I am SO blessed to have an amazing community of believers surrounding me and building me up. That God uses me - especially when I am not trying to be used - when I am just weak in the knees with love for Him.
That nothing matters but God.
That I have to thank Him first - praise Him - worship Him with my everything.... then ask Him to transform me. [pause] Then be faithful to His prompting. [pause] I've fallen away. I've fallen away from obedience. I failed and I got mad at myself and I stopped talking to myself. I stopped being honest with myself and God. I started living by shame....controlled... stifled... by shame.
God loves me anyway. God is with me anyway. I can be the biggest pot of sin in the world- but God doesn't see that- His focus is on the love that He has for me - His everlasting perfect love which, by the blood of Jesus, is IN me! That's what He sees...so then I need to focus on that love TOO! I need to get my eyes off my shame- off my sin- off the ugly parts of me, and onto the beautiful parts of me and the world!! --> Namely: LOVE!
This marks the end of today's random rant.
Happy Thursday.
woooooooH! I just got excited!!!! A pinwheel of happiness just spun my heart!!!! Why? Because I just re-realized that today I get to go to my first mid-week tech/worship team rehearsal! Have I mentioned how much I LOVE serving at Journey??? It doesn't make much sense because you'd think that an extra "to-do" on my already-crazy schedule would be an added stressor- but no- I am rejuvinated when I am serving!!
There is this surreal mixture of rest and an uprising of joy in me when I am working for, by, and with God... you won't get it unless you do it- so I'll stop talking about it because I sound the same as everyone else who I ignored for so long who talked about how much they got out of it and that I just nodded and smiled at... meh.
HAPPY THURSDAY!
a cha cha cha chaaaa!
Monday, May 3, 2010
Honesty
Just be honest. Uglies and all.
Realize that if you are nice to one person, you have done the most important thing you could have done in your day... nothing else matters...relationships matter. people matter. love matters.
Believe in hugs - it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to accept someone's heart.
That's all.
<3
Realize that if you are nice to one person, you have done the most important thing you could have done in your day... nothing else matters...relationships matter. people matter. love matters.
Believe in hugs - it's okay to be vulnerable. It's okay to accept someone's heart.
That's all.
<3
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