Why I blog

I was reflecting yesterday on whether or not I was blogging for the right reasons. Naturally, this led me to define what the "right reasons" would be (for me).

Here are two filters that I should use as I continue blogging:

1. Does my blog provide an accurate (honest / transparent) depiction of who I am and what God is doing in my life? (Morbid spin: If I die, will my family/friends be able to connect with me through this and know the MIRACLES that God did in my life.)
2. Does my blog glorify God? 

I need to ask myself those questions as I go forth. I definitely don't want to take myself too seriously- I just want to be responsible about what I'm saying- sort of. The thing is- I am aware that I am surely saying things that are wrong or twisted up because they are still wrong and twisted up in ME. I am being birthed from this world and things are distinctly different both inside and outside the heart for a "born-again" Christian.

I guess for myself, I want to be able to go back and read this and see the breadcrumbs on path of where Jesus took me... I want to be able to see that "AH HA! Look where I was heeeere. I still thought this way, but look at what He was doing in my heart!" Ya know?

Anywhoot- James was AWESOME this morning. I read from the NIV (I've used the NLT all year for the most part, and I love it... but as I inhaled the Word from the NIV, God was definitely fertilizing the fruits of the Spirit in me.  Next up- I'm going to ask for the ESV for my birthday- by then I should be done reading through the whole Bible so I can start afresh!).

I think I'll pray:

Dear AMAZING and FAITHFUL and PERFECT Father, THANK YOU for this day! THANK YOU for the people You've put in my life. THANK YOU for the adventures that you've brought me through! You have BLESSED me, and I don't deserve it. You have LOVED me and I don't deserve it. You have SAVED me, and I don't deserve it. Father God, I ask you to REIGN in my life....be LORD of my life. Jesus- my KING and SAVIOR and PRINCE and EVERYTHING that is HOLY and MIGHTY - YOU are my LORD. May I bow down to you with my whole heart and life...may I lay it at your feet. God, I WANT to lay my whole life at your feet, but Lord, I keep picking it up again! Please take it. I give it to you today. I give it to you forever. I surrender my plans and my stuff. I surrender my relationships and my expectations. I surrender my WHOLE HEART so that it may be emptied. Only You can empty it. EMPTY it of all the ick in me, God. Then please fill it with You. Fill it with your Spirit. My heart is the wellspring of life. It is. Yes. Lord, may it be overflowing with YOUR POWER! May it spill out of me and into the lives of those that I come in contact with in the world. May people's lives be changed as I slosh around in the sopping boots of Your love. May a trail of love be left behind me that others will walk through and pick up just a drop- and may that drop be multiplied and may it become a stream of love in their hearts. I love you God. Use me. Empty me of me and fill me with You. In Your name I pray, Amen.

The Model

God blows my mind.
Like blows it OUT OF THE WATER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Like blows it until it can't be blown ANYMORE!!
God - blows - my - MIND.
~Just sayin'.
_______________

BTW- Today I thought I had "finished" the project that God gave me to do. I thought that I had done what He wanted me to do and that I was "off the hook". Umm.....yeeeeaaaaahhhhh.....NO.

Here's what happened-
I was soooooo RELIEVED because I finally finished and emailed off an explanation of what I thought God asked me to spend the last month on. Essentially it was a visual representation of a draft of a project that maaaaaaaaaaaay be useful in the future. I honestly expect the people who I sent it to to tell me "thanks and this is nice but not feasible now". <-- OH I hope! I HOPE! -->  I, selfish I, hope that they tell me that (that it's not feasible or possible or probable or anything-able) because I don't feel equipped to do what God asked me to do!!!!!!!!  (Note to self: Remember, I didn't feel like I could do what is done so far, but God did it all for me on my behalf.

*Pause*
...because I want to touch on the fact that - seriously- I think this is a "top secret" thing that most Christians don't tell for fear of being found out, but GOD DOES ALL THE "WORK".  Like ALL we have to do is "rest in Him"... we just enjoy the "fellowship" with the Lord and then before you know it-  bada bing, bada boom! - the work is effortlessly and beautifully COMPLETE! Being a Christian is the BEST!!!

Aaaaanyway... I digress. What was I saying? Yeah... I just didn't (don't) feel equipped to finish God's big project. Ug! I don't feel ready or prepared or ABLE to do this thing. I thought it was over. I thought my part was done and that I was freeeeeeee!!!!!

Nope.
It's not over. 

I hit "send" on that email and then an hour or two later from a completely "out of left field" source, God showed me the next step... He gave me the "model". He freakin' gave me the MODEL!!! WHAAAAAT??? 

*Carissa is sitting here on the verge of [joy and panic filled] tears and about to pull her hair out!!*

WHAAAAAAT??!!! GOD SPEAKS TO ME? GOD GIVES ME TASKS TO DO?  GOD is MY BOSS??? WHAAAAT?!!!

Yes!
YES.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

(ps. God rocks!)

Sanctification Clarification

Ha! The title of this blog suggests that I will be providing you with clarification in relation to sanctification.... let me just go ahead and dispel that myth right now.  dispel dispel dispel !

Please know that I have NO IDEA about all this- I could (and should?) just Google it and learn about it and be done with it - but it's much more rewarding to wait on the Holy Spirit to teach me - so I wait.

What I have learned between yesterday and today is that I still have no idea what it means to be sanctified. I'm going to post the second half of Oswald Chamber's "Sanctification" devotional (it appears to have been a two-day, two-part, series.)  In it I learned that "Sanctification is "Christ in you."" - so I'd like to apply that to my situation (because it's all about me, of course! :)). --> I think what this means is that I was actually "sanctified" on January 2nd- the day that I felt the Holy Spirit empty me of me and fill me with Him.

What do you think? Does that sound right? Obviously this "filling my empty soul with the love and magnificence of God" deal wasn't a one-time thing.... but that day- January 2nd - was the first time that I was aware of it [in a bigger-than-life, snot-and-slobber-and-cry-all-over-myself way!]!

Also- I think it's important to note that I believe this experience was a result of me finally "surrendering" to the Lord. I think that all the work He did to remove distractions from my life and to leave me with nothing but Him ... that was all groundwork for when He called me to FINALLY trust Him with EVERYTHING.  <-- Yep - I think this is how it went down!  Good to know!

* Check out my blog in another few months - maybe it will have changed- maybe I will have more clarification. As I say...I'm a "work in progress".... God is changing me- refining me- pruning me- breaking me- EVERYDAY <--that I let Him...that I surrender to Him... that I let Him (the ruler of the UNIVERSE) rule my little piddly life.

Aaaaaanywhoot- I am just writing today to (a.) tell you that I have no idea what I'm talking about and (b.) to share the second half of this "Sanctification" devo.

Loves!!!

SANCTIFICATION

    Of Him are ye in Christ Jesus, who of God is made unto
    us ... sanctification.   -   1 Corinthians 1:30


The Life Side. The mystery of sanctification is that the perfections
of Jesus Christ are imparted to me, not gradually, but instantly when
by faith I enter into the realization that Jesus Christ is made unto
me sanctification. Sanctification does not mean anything less than
the holiness of Jesus being made mine manifestly.

The one marvellous secret of a holy life lies not in imitating Jesus,
but in letting the perfections of Jesus manifest themselves in my
mortal flesh. Sanctification is "Christ in you." It is His wonderful
life that is imparted to me in sanctification, and imparted by faith
as a sovereign gift of God's grace. Am I willing for God to make
sanctification as real in me as it is in His word?

Sanctification means the impartation of the Holy qualities of Jesus
Christ. It is His patience, His love, His holiness, His faith, His
purity, His godliness, that is manifested in and through every
sanctified soul. Sanctification is not drawing from Jesus the power
to be holy; it is drawing from Jesus the holiness that was manifested
in Him, and He manifests it in me. Sanctification is an impartation,
not an imitation. Imitation is on a different line. In Jesus Christ
is the perfection of everything, and the mystery of sanctification is
that all the perfections of Jesus are at my disposal, and slowly and
surely I begin to live a life of ineffable order and sanity and
holiness: "Kept by the power of God."

Sanctification

This morning I read an amazing devotional about sanctification. It reminded me of the process that I went through not too long ago... the process of "dying to self"... and how it wasn't a pleasant process. It was the process of releasing all the things that I thought were important.  Quite frankly, I didn't even know it was happening...if I "leaned on my own understanding"- which I did - I thought that my life was over.

In December 2009 I sat in front of my sister and told her that there was nothing worth living for anymore. As we sat on our parents' couch I was essentially saying "goodbye" to her because I didn't think I would be on earth much longer. I thought I was preparing to commit suicide.  

[pause for clarification]

Recently I told someone about how I was "suicidal" in December and they asked me if I had "planned on how I was going to do it". Hmmmmm.... Interesting. I guess not.... It was then that I realized that I had absolutely NOT planned anything- I wasn't going to commit suicide.

*GONG*

Whoa!  So today it all comes together!!! Now I see that I WAS BEING SANCTIFIED!!!... I was being purified and pruned... all the infirmities in me were being burned out! You see, I was finally (for the first time in my life) at a place where I didn't care about other PEOPLE's expectations- I didn't care about "succeeding by doing __X__" or "having __X__" or "being __X__".  I just WAS. I was living in a state where NOTHING mattered.

In retrospect, I remember that there was one thing that mattered. There was one thing I DID care about -  one thing that I enjoyed - and that was being with God. I LOVED praising Him... I loved going to church.  Being in His presence was the one place where I felt I belonged - where I was "connected" <-- and not to people, but to GOD. When the lights came on at the end of the church service, all my insecurities and my "me" flooded back.

Said "me" was poison flowing through my veins all week until I "let go" again and took my focus off me and put it on God (which only happened at church when I was in the presence of God.)  That's why "doing life" with a community of believers is SO important! We can't just live in the light of God for an hour and 15 minutes a week and expect to be fulfilled. "Community" is a mindset and a group of people who encourage one another to think about Jesus throughout the whole week! 

[steps off soapbox]

* Note to self * Check out how all this is being revealed to me in chunks throughout the year. I could never have understood how the pieces fit together when I was initially trying to understand how and why all this was happening to me (and I tried. Trust me- control freak me wanted to know the ins and outs of all of it). :)

In October or November-ish, I remember telling Janice in the Journey Church bathroom that I felt crazy - that "God was allllll around me."  --> It felt kind of like what it would feel like if a swarm of bats were diving at your head... God was dive-bombing me with His presence and LOVE and I (who am the chief of sinners along with Paul) was in such darkness! But the SAVING GOD OF THE UNIVERSE was pulling me out - BREAKING me out! It was the craziest feeling!

Dear God, thank you for revealing Yourself to me- layer after layer, you peel the scales off my eyes. Thank you for choosing me. Lord, please KEEP refining me. Please keep "dive-bombing" my head and heart with Your love. Keep breaking me. Keep showing me me. I want to be completely dead-as-a-doornail to self.... but I keep finding Satan's earthly CPR machine to "revive" my sin-nature life... Lord, I want to live only for you. I don't want anything else to matter. I don't want to do anything for me- but everything for YOU. Sanctify me. Please. In Your holy name, I pray - Amen.

__________________________ 

I can't help myself, I'm gonna put the whole daily devotional up here... it's SO good! Frankly, I'm putting it up here more for me than for you- so I can come back and reference it if I want to. :)

Without further ado, here is Oswald Chamber's July 22nd "My Utmost for His Highest" devotional:

SANCTIFICATION
This is the will of God, even your sanctification. - 1 Thessalonians 4:3

The Death Side. In sanctification God has to deal with us on the
death side as well as on the life side. Many of us spend so much time
in the place of death that we get sepulchral. There is always a
battle royal before sanctification, always something that tugs with
resentment against the demands of Jesus Christ. Immediately the
Spirit of God begins to show us what sanctification means, the
struggle begins. "If any man come to Me and hate not . . his own
life, he cannot be My disciple."

The Spirit of God in the process of sanctification will strip me
until I am nothing but "myself," that is the place of death. Am I
willing to be "myself," and nothing more - no friends, no father, no
brother, no self-interest - simply ready for death? That is the
condition of sanctification. No wonder Jesus said: "I came not to
send peace, but a sword." This is where the battle comes, and where
so many of us faint. We refuse to be identified with the death of
Jesus on this point. "But it is so stern," we say; "He cannot wish me
to do that." Our Lord is stern; and He does wish us to do that.

Am I willing to reduce myself simply to "me," determinedly to strip
myself of all my friends think of me, of all I think of myself, and
to hand that simple naked self over to God? Immediately I am, He will
sanctify me wholly, and my life will be free from earnestness in
connection with every thing but God.

When I pray - "Lord, show me what sanctification means for me," He
will show me. It means being made one with Jesus. Sanctification is
not something Jesus Christ puts into me: it is Himself in me. (1 Cor.
1:30.)

Growing Pains

It's normal. It's natural. Growing pains are a part of the process. Embrace them. Think of them as "suffering" - think of them as a gift- an honor- to be ABLE to feel and experience them. That means that you are on the right track- you are growing. Growing up and not growing down. Growing down would be easy- growing UP is hard... it requires stretching and reaching and leaping and sometimes falling.

I like this.
I like it.
I want to be broken and cracking and creaking and I want to want God. I want to NEED God. I want to be totally dependent on God. I want to remember to want to be totally dependant on God.

God brought me Jaime today. A gift. He gave me someone else to love. I am SO blessed by the people God puts in my path - in my life - to love and care for. People He has given me to learn from and to "do life" with. Jaime shared one of her favorite verses with me and I think it goes along perfectly with what is going on in my heart (or is it my mind?) now:

"In his kindness God called you to share in his eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, and he will place you on a firm foundation."  1 Peter 5:10

Sweet! Growing pains. It's all part of it!

Here's the situation... I can NOT be NOT busy. I HAVE to stay busy. I was busy all day and then I got home and I feel overwhelmed with the task at hand. (God has given me work to do- He's given me an assignment and we don't have much time! I certainly don't have time to waste.) But when I sit down and try to do things on my own power- I am overwhelmed and burdened. On the other hand, when I let God have the reigns... when I let Him work on His time by His power, I am blessed.

I think what He is trying to tell me is to take a deep breath and then pray (in process - which led me to write this blog) and then put on some praise music (because EVERYTHING is better/easier when you are doing it with a heart full of praise!) and then let the Spirit work. I am just a vessel...

"We now have this light shining in our hearts, but we ourselves are like fragile clay jars containing this great treasure. This makes it clear that our power is from God, not from ourselves." 2 Corinthians 4:7
  
<3

Lord, Thank you for the people and situations and obstacles and adventures that you put in my life. Thank you for using me as an example of Your power and love and mercy and grace. God, it's ALL YOU. Everything is for, by, with, in, and from YOU- my Jehovah-Jireh! THANK YOU, Father! Love, me. Amen
 

Fruits of the Spirit

The "Fruits of the Spirit" are:

Love,
Joy,
Peace,
Patience,
Kindness,
Goodness,
Faithfulness,
Gentleness, 
Self-control.

It still knocks my socks off that God is instilling these qualities/traits in me...  however, I have to ask God to continue to tend to the garden. I need to ask Him to continue weeding and pruning and fertilizing me. I WANT the fruits to grow big and strong --- and one thing I must remember is that I can't grow them in myself. They are fruits of the SPIRIT! Only HE can make them grow - so I must keep praying and asking God to make my fruit crop flourish!!!

It all comes down to prayer, doesn't it?
We can't do anything on our own. Wow. I just "got" that statement.
We can't do anything on our own. God does EVERYTHING for and through us.... we just have to ask. Pray.

This picture was taken last night at my small group where an example of one believer's faithfulness blessed us all. One of our group members, Alicia, was [I believe] inspired by God to produce a work of art for our group leader, Greg. The subject matter centered around the fruits of the Spirit and other character traits that God instills in His children as they trust Him. Not only was the painting beautiful- but the narrative that went along with it was used to love on, build up, and lift up our group leader! * I know I say it too often- but I am SO BLESSED!! Look at this amazing community- this amazing group of friends and believers that God has surrounded me with! He must love me SOOOOO much!! :)

<3

Tricky Devil

You tricky devil you!!!


I think it might be a natural [human] pattern for a saved person to surrender and then take it back slowly....then surrender again...then take it back again....but this time I LOUDLY surrendered my life and I made it pretty difficult for myself to take some of what I surrendered back. This is a blessing though- protection from self!  However, I am a newly surrendered (weak?!) Christian and I am left vulnerable with my pink underbelly showing- it's right out there for the Enemy to poke and prod at.

I let my guard down for a few minutes today and then doubt started creeping in. It went a little something like this: "Carissa, did you really hear that right?" "What will others think?" "What if you made it all up in your head?" etc. TRICKERY!

Yes!! Ephesians 6:10-18! Stand firm! I need to practice putting on the Armor of God! I need to suit up and hunker down and prepare for some mad spiritual attacks... this is only the beginning. Ew. I hate thinking about this... I hate thinking about Satan and demons and spiritual attacks and other things that don't really "make sense" in the human realm. I also know that the more I talk about this kind of thing, the further I get from being perceived as "normal"...

I used to worry about sounding "crazy"... but now I'm so far off that spectrum, now I hope to seem even slightly normal... sane-ish would be ok with me!  -- Actually --- I'm saying that for your sake.... I don't really care if I sound normal. What I DO care about is that I don't scare the unsaved away! I must just be sure to be in the Spirit when I talk about these things (I don't know if I am now) so that He can guard my words and lead my tongue.  Sanity? Who needs it? Ha! I don't really care if I lose everything that I have since what I have is just a mirage. I lean on this statement by Paul from 2 Corinthians 5:13 "If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. Either way, Christ's love controls us."

Oswald Chambers reminded me today: "Let Him put you on His wheel and whirl you as He likes, and as sure as God is God and you are you, you will turn out exactly in accordance with the vision. Don't lose heart in the process. "

I don't need anything BUT God.
I don't need to rely on myself... only on God!

I need to be faithful with what God has given me and TRUST Him - He says "If you are faithful in the little things, you will be faithful in large ones." (Luke 16:10)

Today I started worrying about money (I surrendered that, but then took that back) and about my lack of health insurance (surrendered but then I took that back too) - but God says "Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7)

I also started (continued) worrying about what my parents will think- "If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." (Matthew 10:37-39)

I have specifically told myself over and over that I can't worry about this stuff- none of it matters!! "If you cling to your life you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it." (Luke 17:33)

See- God LOVES ME and is with me!! He teaches me all this stuff- makes it true in my heart and life! All I have to do to overcome is pray- pray - and pray some more! Seek His face! I must pray until the beads of blood drip from my pores! I must step on and CRUSH the head of the proverbial serpent (Satan).

Ha! I just wrote to my friend - "I spent the day wrestling with Satan and then finally I let God at him! Guess who won?"  - I love that!


God has given me this time to get to know Him and His purpose for me. I must seek His guidance (and purpose) and as I do- He will make me diligent. One of our awesome Pastors, Paul Crouthamel, gave an excellent talk this weekend at Journey on Proverbs (Part 2, Week 1) about being a "Sluggard" ... check it out! I do NOT want to be that! I do not want a "Whatever" attitude.... I must have a "Whatever it takes" attitude!

Ok... I'm babbling.

Thank you, Father, for my awakening! Thank you, Father, for choosing me! Thank you, Father, for giving me the strength and the power to respond to you. Fill me with your everlasting love so that it may pour out of me onto others. I pray that people will be plucked out of the darkness this very minute! God, thank you for the community that you've surrounded me with- for their example- for their love of You- God I pray that you continue to love us and lift us up. God, I pray for the stamina and will power to be obedient. It's not always easy- heck, it's RARELY easy- but it is for YOUR glory and when you are glorified, we all feel it- the whole body is rewarded! 
I love being your bride!
Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for defeating the enemy FOR us!!!
AMEN!
<3

Big Time

I made it to the big time, guys!! My post ended up on the Rick Via Ministries blog! Check it out here!

(Shhhhh.... between you and I, I lifted some material from my last post here. What can I say? I was writing it at midnight:30 and was SOOOO tired! Yes- lazybumitis! :))

____

Adding screenshot of article/post 12/16/2025 (on post written 7/3/2010)

Here's the text since it's too small to read:

From Carissa Drauss

by Rick Via

We’ve been home for one week now…. Ask me if “real life” has hit me yet? Ok… no. It hasn’t. Frankly I hope that it never does. God did such an amazing work in my heart and life…. I hope it never fades away. I fear that being back and being surrounded by “stuff” will drown out the Voice that I heard so clearly when I was in Uganda.

This past weekend at church, I noticed that I now have beautiful footage in my heart and mind to go along with worship. For example, when I read in Psalm “He has saved me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling. And so I walk in the Lord’s presence as I live here on earth,” I noticed that I now have visions of Deborah – a beautiful Ugandan woman who had gangrene so bad that her leg may need to be amputated- but I’m told that she had her arms lifted to the Lord! Presumably she was praising Him because she trusted Him and He sent our nurses! She worshiped and praised Him despite the fact that she was in tremendous pain and staring death right in the face. Deborah is a true testament and example of what we are supposed to be.

There were so many stories like this- so many beautiful people. People who trusted and loved the Lord simply- purely- with a genuine love. A humble love. I pray that I will not only experience that kind of love here in the US, but that I may continue to be a vessel for Jesus’ love here. I pray that I don’t get mired in the stuff of “self” or frozen in fear or concerned with what people think. I am often so worried about what people think! I can’t be like that anymore. I am God’s! I must submit and surrender completely to Him so that He can use me – so that He can help me BE the love.

It was so cool to be able to feel Jesus giving me His soft eyes filled with love to look at these people with! Also, I had never shared the Gospel or my testimony or walked with anyone as they accepted Christ as their Lord and Savior – but I was so blessed to have had that opportunity on this trip! It was so wonderful to feel connected to the Source and Sustainer and to be used by Him in that capacity!

Also – I have a quick note about our team – our God-breathed RVM Uganda Team! If you’ve read in 1 Corinthians 12 about everyone in the church having different parts – different rolls to fill – well, that was definitely the case here. God put together a team that truly complimented one another. Individual strengths were shared and woven into the fabric of our team’s shared heart. It was another miracle. God just poured His blessings out on us all!

I am so grateful for this experience! I am grateful to God first and then to the Via Family, and to Godfrey & Joy Wanamitsa & Arise Africa for their leadership and the hard work they invested in making this life-altering trip a reality! THANK YOU ALL – leaders, team members, supporters and of course, the Ugandan people – for your passion for and faithfulness in spreading the Good News!!! He is risen!!!

God Be Praised!
Carissa Drauss