Warrior

I am a warrior. A warrior princess- but a WARRIOR none-the-less! Lately I have been trying to get my head around my role as a woman in the church and frankly, I'm having a heck of a time of it. I say THANK YOU, God, for bringing me to this place where I can seek YOUR voiceTRUTHunderstanding.

I will be the first to stand up and say that I recognize [and appreciate and respect] the fact that God has given us different gender roles.... but that does NOT mean that my role has to be caretaker or peacemaker. (Does it?) I am a female who wants to pour out her life as a living sacrifice to God on the altar of the church, community & world!! I was built to ruffle feathers and challenge the status quo (as soon as God frees me from this darn FEAR problem that I have)! I just don't think I was meant to read Bible stories to toddlers (not right now anyway).

I am struggling with where I fit in because, frankly, I feel like an outcast. I know that if I were a man, my passion and drive and faith would make me someone that people would want to work with.... but I'm not, so they don't. [dripping with pride, the voice in my head says: I'm awesome so why doesn't anybody like me?]

Root of the problem: I need/want strong mentors.  I need/want mentors who have the same heart as me...the same propensity for action. I'm sure there are some female mentors out there that would help me, but unfortunately I think most of them are married with children and I'm afraid they are in a different place than I am. I don't want what they want.

When I worked in the corporate world, I was told that we were supposed to get a mentor in the job/role that we want to have someday...someone who is good at doing what you want to do. The problem with this is that in my "circle" - all the people who do what I want to do are men. (Yes, a red flag popped up for me here too. Do I want to be a man? Do I want to step outside of the God-given gender roles and operate on my own power? NO! I DON'T!!! I WANT to be faithful and obedient but EFFECTIVE! [sigh] I guess what I need to do is seek to gain a better understanding of the gender roles first.

.... I may not know exactly how God wants to use me (there are many irons in the fire), but I DO know that for now I have the gift of singleness... my loyalty is not divided between a human and God. I am all His! It is imperative that I have a mentor who lives and loves like I do. Someone with a heart for God like I have. Someone who is even more Spirit-filled and focused on Kingdom IMPACT. I want a steam roller for a mentor!!!

I have never read one of her books and only seen her on TV once or twice, but I'd TOTALLY take Joyce Meyer as my mentor!! BooYAH! Hm. But unfortunately there aren't many Joyce Meyers out there. There aren't many strong women empowering other strong women. So I need a male mentor.... and that crosses lines. STUPID LINES!!! <--actually, smart lines. Good lines...lines that I wish didn't exist because I don't want them but that I'm glad they do because they protect us from our sinful, devious, flesh-ridden selves!

....so... today I heard a solution...

Best idea EVER! How about this?  We could use the "Huddle" model or group mentoring as a means of empowering female leaders. (I learned about it from Jo Saxton in this article.)  Essentially it is a group of men and women that meet together to help eachother grow. (Similar to small group, I know... but I need to be in a "Huddle" with church leadership, I guess).

Long story short = I want/NEED to learn (give and take) from the male leaders that God has put in my life and the gender barrier is BRUTAL and debilitating to me as someone who wants to stretch herself outside the bounds of self.

So I guess the first step in sorting all this out is to just continue to dig in and serve. Right? ...No... wait. Actually, the first step in ANYTHING is to WORSHIP the Lord our God with all our hearts, souls & minds. A.W. Tozer says that "God wants worshipers first. Jesus did not redeem us to make us workers; He redeemed us to make us worshipers."...  then (when I'm proficient at that- or rather- livingbreathing worship all the days of my life) I will be in a place to hear how God wants me to serve Him (in whatever capacity that is- male role or not- God will make a way!)