Very important AG pick

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Quality_of_Intention

I wish I had described consciousness to Ryan better ... I tried. I need to keep my eyes on my own paper. Let go of that which doesn't serve me. Care for my own home, body, family, etc. Love myself back to wholeness.

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Here are today's AG picks etc.:

Quote: "People will show themselves with actions, not words."

Reflection:

This is what is confusing... Ryan's actions are often kind, but his words are not. He's not ready. It's a timing issue as Jennifer alluded to. And I need to come back to myself. I can't accept the meanness. I'm not a victim and I've created this. I've created it so I can overcome it. 

AG Pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Tyranny  

"Tyranny is about the Abuse of Power over others through a variety of methods; deception, lying, manipulation, Mind Control, bullying and intimidation. Whether it's a pushy person, a control freak, a bully, or an outright tyrant, the problem is the same: their goals are always more important than yours."

I want to say this article points to Ryan - he is a liar, cheater, stealer, bully, and doesn't care who he hurts or takes advantage of. Hurt people hurt people. But he does some of it out of self-preservation - a wounded animal. This is not who he is at his core. 

"A difficult, pushy person has gone too far again. They are bossing you around, acting selfish and self-important, threatening you, making demands, barking orders, and abusing their power. Control freaks, imperative people, and tyrants exercise power in a harsh, cruel, or destructive manner. They are oppressive, harsh, arbitrary people who make life difficult for too many of us. They are annoying, inconsiderate, and demeaning."

But it's also about me. I am pushy and controlling. I need to stop trying to control others. I am not doing it in a harsh, cruel, or destructive manner. Ryan is. But I think that I think I know better ... I have an ego problem too. He does too... and it's made him sick. We're toxic and I can't swim around in that anymore... it's making him worse and sicker and me weaker and sicker too. Enabling the behavior, perpetuating victim consciousness. I need to guard my heart and life. (I said "from him", but there's something twisty there. He's not to blame. I'm the one creating this experience for myself. I wanted to know how bad it could be. How desperate and stupid one could be. And now I will learn and remember how it feels to be treated well, as I deserve, with kindness and generosity and grace and forgiveness. I will see myself and celebrate myself.

How can I stop myself in my tracks when I start longing for a hit of Ryan? It's a drug. Let him go. What can I substitute? Not food. That's tangled in there and I'm not interested in perpetuating my sickness... it's making my body sick too. Take care of my body. What can I do that feels good?? Maybe it's a TV program again? Maybe it's rom-coms or walking my boys. God, could I please have that greenway by my house? 

I'll get through this, I'm strong. And I pray for Ryan to heal and find his Way too. 

Suggested practice for the day:5 Steps to Refocus Mind

The 5 Steps to Negative Ego Reprogramming – How to Shift Mental Gears

Exercise to Discipline the Lower Mind as it is not  God's job to control yoru mind.

1. RE-LABEL - Identify the negative thought or emotion as a distorted pattern of negative ego consciousness.

This fear pattern is my Negative Ego. This is not the real me.

2. RE-ATTRIBUTE - Dis-identify from the thought or emotion as you. Through self awareness, one can begin to master emotional states and then one can begin to choose higher responses.

I am the eternal being, not my thoughts or emotions.

3. RE-FOCUS - Move yourself out of situation, environment or the emotional trigger for that negative or painful thought. Go for a walk, listen to music, change your focus and move your body.

Beloved God, give me strength to not exert my will but serve the highest expression of divine will.

4. RE-VALUE - Revalue the power you have given this negative thought or emotion to rule your life. See  this negative pattern for what it truly is, how it impacts your life. Fears are what limit potential and disempower you. Fear and negatvity rob you of inner peace and fulfillment as an authentic and divine being.

Get behind ME, Negative Ego! I AM that I AM. Be Still and know I am God, Sovereign free! 

5. REQUEST HELP - Commit to expressing Higher Emotion and Living authentically, aligning with your Soul Purpose.

Pray and meditate, ask for help from spirit. Work your spiritual tools. Stay in the now!

Tools: Core Fear matrix removal program, emotional clearing techniques, affirmations and decrees, Ascension Meditation treatments, positive mantra chant to refocus mind, 12D sealing, request higher self to help. Ask for higher guidance to lead you to the perfect resonance technique to assist you int his moment. Breathe.When you get anxious and notice a self-defeating program of your ego taking over, apply breath and self-forgiveness.

Honesty Breeds Trust (ESF Quote of the Day)

message to Ryan

Ryan, you know I love you. I have invested so much of my life and heart in you (and I know you have too - invested your time and energy and trusted me to open your heart more than ever before. That stirs up things, especially when there is a lot of pain in your heart that wants to be seen, loved, and released.). 

I hate that we don't see eye to eye on our trajectory/future and am refocusing my energy toward gratitude for all we shared. You have been my favorite partner to date ... although the verbal weaponry was severe, I feel that God prepared me and made me to be able to withstand it without too much damage. You call it my Wonder Woman handcuffs, but I see it as the space to be able to step back and see what is and isn't true. And much of the way you see me isn't true. Some is, and some has merit and is definitely a signpost pointing toward healing for me. I would prefer to do that under kind and compassionate circumstances, but it is what it is. 

I see how I so desperately am trying to use you to fill the hole in my heart that is reserved for my own/God's love and now know that it could never live up. As you've pulled away, I've started fantasizing about a relationship that would meet my needs and provide a safe and comfortable space. However, I caught myself doing it again last night and I see it for what it is... a distraction to keep me from doing the personal work I need to do. I need to love myself to wholeness and then my personal vibration will call in a partner that is a match for me... one that wants to share a life with me. 

I still hold on to hope that it will be you. That you will do your own work while I'm doing mine and that you will have a revelation about how wonderful I am and realize that you don't want to do life without me! But that is a pie-in-the-sky wishful thinking fantasy. I have to stop hoping for you to change... for you to want something different than what you want. 

So I need to learn to listen to and meet my own needs...love myself well... and just BE ME and be happy.

and I need to let you be you... and enjoy the life you have created for yourself - it's beautiful too!

I like to play and explore and love animals and nature and am whacky and eccentric and funny and unique.... I want to be delighted in. I want to share a healing and loving journey where we help our hearts and lives to blossom...  it's very active and lovely. I love family and friends and new experiences and to have intimacy and rubs and sweet love... and I love to care for, tend to, serve, dote on my sweetheart... and that's okay! If it's God's plan, there will be a man that wants to share this with me. And if it's not God's plan...then I will share this with myself and my tribe. (I hope you will be part of my tribe... one of my cherished friends if that is possible. And if it's not, I'll always hold our precious moments close to my heart with gratitude for what we've shared. You have enriched my life as well.)

Thanks for listening. I wrote this for myself and will post it in my journal but not send it. I'm whiddling away my own understanding... watching my Ways and will see where it goes.Ramsey became the object of my affection although I know it can't be and isn't meant to be with him, but it shows me, like Kirk, that there are others out there that would be a good match and appreciate me for me. (I did the Pattern App bond - both friendship and romantic - and it seems like it would be pretty good... but still challenging... but I feel like Ramsey is meant to be in Hawaii... he has that spirit... and I pray he finds happiness and love there and need to let him go... the fantasy of him go.) Ryan feels like my guy... he feels substantial in my life and heart.... it's just so broken.... and toxic sometimes.... he's got a lot of work to do and he displaces it on me. I also have work to do, not the least of which is running away when the going gets tough. But we don't have a solid relationship and he isn't attracted to me, he likes what I give him. We've been broken up since 9/11 (no coincidence) after a great day and then I said his eyebrows remind me of Le'Annas (when they get furrowed... it seems to be a hormone or demon change... )I couldn't get all that out because he flew off the handle that I would dare compare him to Le'Anna. He's still holding tight to when she said she'd break all his windows (when she was being sweet and sticking up for me, and said it to me privately, but he overheard.... so he thinks she's evil... but look at all the horrible things he says about her, me, and everyone. It's ludacris.)... anyway... yeah....all this.

But it's time to get comfortable being alone. I enjoyed meditation, stretching, and mudras and conversation with Misha and Braden & Yasmine last night..