Jesus is in me

The coolest thing just happened.
...and I mean the COOLEST!

Ok- so I've been a little tortured in the last few days - I think I'm "PMSing" - and today I am at an all time "bratty-to-myself" high. I'm struggling with self-loathing which comes from my indulgent nature and lack of self-control (which comes from me giving in to self and satan a little - just by thinking about giving in, I open the door to think about it a little more...and then a little more...and then I'm just gonna get close to it...and then I'm just gonna try it and then stop and then it's not tooooo bad. It's not really bad at all. It's normal. What was I thinking in the first place? There's nothing wrong with this. --> Then voila!!! I'm sitting in a pit of self-indulgent sin!!

Oh but I am so blessed to have friends to "talk me off the cliff". :) :) 

Per one of these "get off the cliff, Carissa" suggestions, I was just in the restroom, stepping away from life for a minute to take a breath and talk to God. Frankly, I didn't have many words for Him. I am watching myself trying to stop myself from talking to Him (because I don't want to hear what He has to say because He will tell me that I have to stop doing what I'm doing).

But check out what happened... I was washing my hands and something prompted me to look in the mirror (I never do that. I don't usually like what I see, so I don't bother looking (<-- yes, I see that. I'll deal with that someday. Thank you for pointing it out! :)). However, it was SO awesome because when I looked at myself in the mirror, I caught a glimpse in my eyes and when I did- I saw .... check this out.... JESUS in them!! I DID!! I saw Jesus IN ME. I saw eyes that weren't mine. They were sparkly with the most perfect sparkles and deeper than I've ever seen. They were piercing and beautiful and they comforted me.

God captured my attention and my heart and ministered to me just by looking at me through me.

Whaaaaaat?

Yes.
I know.
God is SOOOOO COOOOOOL!!

By the way, I looked again and didn't see it. I don't think I'm going to be able to magically see Jesus in myself all the time- that was a gift. A totallycoolradicalfantisticamazingperfectmiraculous gift!!!

<3