Tricky Devil

You tricky devil you!!!


I think it might be a natural [human] pattern for a saved person to surrender and then take it back slowly....then surrender again...then take it back again....but this time I LOUDLY surrendered my life and I made it pretty difficult for myself to take some of what I surrendered back. This is a blessing though- protection from self!  However, I am a newly surrendered (weak?!) Christian and I am left vulnerable with my pink underbelly showing- it's right out there for the Enemy to poke and prod at.

I let my guard down for a few minutes today and then doubt started creeping in. It went a little something like this: "Carissa, did you really hear that right?" "What will others think?" "What if you made it all up in your head?" etc. TRICKERY!

Yes!! Ephesians 6:10-18! Stand firm! I need to practice putting on the Armor of God! I need to suit up and hunker down and prepare for some mad spiritual attacks... this is only the beginning. Ew. I hate thinking about this... I hate thinking about Satan and demons and spiritual attacks and other things that don't really "make sense" in the human realm. I also know that the more I talk about this kind of thing, the further I get from being perceived as "normal"...

I used to worry about sounding "crazy"... but now I'm so far off that spectrum, now I hope to seem even slightly normal... sane-ish would be ok with me!  -- Actually --- I'm saying that for your sake.... I don't really care if I sound normal. What I DO care about is that I don't scare the unsaved away! I must just be sure to be in the Spirit when I talk about these things (I don't know if I am now) so that He can guard my words and lead my tongue.  Sanity? Who needs it? Ha! I don't really care if I lose everything that I have since what I have is just a mirage. I lean on this statement by Paul from 2 Corinthians 5:13 "If it seems we are crazy, it is to bring glory to God. And if we are in our right minds, it is for your benefit. Either way, Christ's love controls us."

Oswald Chambers reminded me today: "Let Him put you on His wheel and whirl you as He likes, and as sure as God is God and you are you, you will turn out exactly in accordance with the vision. Don't lose heart in the process. "

I don't need anything BUT God.
I don't need to rely on myself... only on God!

I need to be faithful with what God has given me and TRUST Him - He says "If you are faithful in the little things, you will be faithful in large ones." (Luke 16:10)

Today I started worrying about money (I surrendered that, but then took that back) and about my lack of health insurance (surrendered but then I took that back too) - but God says "Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God's peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus." Phil 4:6-7)

I also started (continued) worrying about what my parents will think- "If you love your father or mother more than you love me, you are not worthy of being mine; or if you love your son or daughter more than me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you refuse to take up your cross and follow me, you are not worthy of being mine. If you cling to your life, you will lose it; but if you give up your life for me, you will find it." (Matthew 10:37-39)

I have specifically told myself over and over that I can't worry about this stuff- none of it matters!! "If you cling to your life you will lose it, and if you let your life go, you will save it." (Luke 17:33)

See- God LOVES ME and is with me!! He teaches me all this stuff- makes it true in my heart and life! All I have to do to overcome is pray- pray - and pray some more! Seek His face! I must pray until the beads of blood drip from my pores! I must step on and CRUSH the head of the proverbial serpent (Satan).

Ha! I just wrote to my friend - "I spent the day wrestling with Satan and then finally I let God at him! Guess who won?"  - I love that!


God has given me this time to get to know Him and His purpose for me. I must seek His guidance (and purpose) and as I do- He will make me diligent. One of our awesome Pastors, Paul Crouthamel, gave an excellent talk this weekend at Journey on Proverbs (Part 2, Week 1) about being a "Sluggard" ... check it out! I do NOT want to be that! I do not want a "Whatever" attitude.... I must have a "Whatever it takes" attitude!

Ok... I'm babbling.

Thank you, Father, for my awakening! Thank you, Father, for choosing me! Thank you, Father, for giving me the strength and the power to respond to you. Fill me with your everlasting love so that it may pour out of me onto others. I pray that people will be plucked out of the darkness this very minute! God, thank you for the community that you've surrounded me with- for their example- for their love of You- God I pray that you continue to love us and lift us up. God, I pray for the stamina and will power to be obedient. It's not always easy- heck, it's RARELY easy- but it is for YOUR glory and when you are glorified, we all feel it- the whole body is rewarded! 
I love being your bride!
Thank you for choosing me. Thank you for defeating the enemy FOR us!!!
AMEN!
<3