More important

I'm more important than you.

Yep. That's what I think. <--- and it makes me want to BARF!!!!!!
Ugh.

I have been DECEIVED by my own pride and desire to control and judge people. I am essentially making myself into a little "god" who thinks that I can RULE and REIGN on the throne of my life (and my friends too!) and it's SICK-O!!!

*ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!!*

Oh, but I feel better now that that's out there. :) Let me get ALLLL the ICK out! I can't keep holding all this stuff in! It just multiplies itself and takes me further and further from the only One who matters. I can't...won't... keep pretending that I'm GOOD. I'm NOT. I'm a MESS like all of the human race and our sin nature and our enemy-twisted minds!

I say all this with LOVE for myself... not self-created love, but ABUNDANT LOVE that flows from the Source who lives in me! God loves me SO MUCH that He continues to answer my prayer to "show me me"!! I'm SO blessed. SO blessed.

I KNOW in my head that "it's not about me"- but my pride- my ego- my self- my flesh heart is constantly trying to make it about me- EVEN while in an "it's not about me posture".  Isn't that crazy? I'm sooooo TWISTED that I try to twist myself into thinking that I'm one of the untwisted ones!!! wow.

Anyway, I'm trying to drag all the darkness out into the light. I just wanted to admit how judgmental I am.  How I judge others and try to fit them into MY expectations and if they don't fit there, I either try to make them fit there (if I feel they are "worthy", OR I write them off as not worth my time/energy).  I am controlling. I am prideful. I'm UGLY on the inside.

God revealed to me today that I have started holding onto [perceived] responsibility that He has given me as though it belongs to me.  Helllllloooo, Carissa! Remember that you don't have any ACTUAL responsibility other than RESPONDING to the Lord when He speaks.... (and if I want to hear Him speak, I need to be in communion with Him, which technically makes me responsible for prayer and reading the Word.... yes... I digress... :))

Anyway, I don't need to put on any facades as though I think just because God chose me to do such and such (i.e. divine appointments to love on/talk to certain people or projects or assignments or activities or whatever) that I'm worth something. I am nothing but His BELOVED CHILD (which is EVERYTHING, aye?) :) But plllllease, for goodness sakes remember that:
 
Those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted. (Luke 14:11)

Today I was LOVING (with a capital L) 2 Chronicles!! There are SOOOOO many great stories in there!! (God talked to me specifically about Uzziah (which I can't get into now because I'm trying to keep my blog post length under control, but essentially He wanted to remind me to stay in my own lane and not to overstep my bounds (pride))....

Oh, but my POINT was that in Chapter 19 when Jehoshaphat (what a name!) was appointing Judges, he gave them this advice:

• Always think carefully before pronouncing judgment (v.6)
• Remember you do not judge to please people, but to please the Lord (v.6)
• Fear the Lord and judge with integrity (v.7)
• You must always act in the fear of the LORD, with faithfulness and an undivided heart. (v9)
• Take courage as you fulfill your duties, and may the LORD be with those who do what is right. (v.11)

I think this applies because I should do the same when making a "judgment" on something.... not people (I have NO right to judge people: Matthew 7:1 Do not judge others, and you will not be judged)! These are great reminders as I go forward judging situations - I can/should measure my decisions against this list. Have I thought carefully about it? Will it glorify God? What are my motives? Am I being brave in the LORD? Yeahhhh....

The Word is SO FREAKING AWESOME!!!
Thank you God for giving it to us!!

LOVE!


<3

Radical obedience

So here's the deal- I WANT to be like Elijah and LISTEN to the Word of the Lord and RESPOND with INSTANT and FERVENT OBEDIENCE.

I have two things that I would like to discuss because I need you to help hold me accountable to the first and I need to record/marvel at the second.

1. God told me not to eat sugar. Okay- it didn't really go down like that... He just showed me (lovingly and patiently) that sugar CONSUMES me...(when it should be the other way around- ha!)...and separates me from Him. This has been a long time coming and it is a HUGE GIFT that He has shown me the root cause of much of my grief and connection to the world/flesh. He GRACEFULLY showed it to me (without giving me a disease or heart attack- just revealed) and then left the ball in my court.

It's my responsibility to take action- to step out in faith and obedience and REAP THE BLESSINGS of doing so. So today I am officially cutting refined sugar out of my diet. I will eat fruit and nature's sugar- but no more "sweets"! Jesus died on the cross for my sins- He gave up ALL HIS FLESH... I can give up this one little thing.  Two verses that are speaking to me regarding that:

James 4:17 "Remember, it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it." - I KNOW that I OUGHT not eat sugar because it makes me sin. It controls me and causes me to take my eyes off God. (FYI, this is just for me- I don't think this applies to everyone... It's just what our very personal God has shown ME).

1 Peter 4:2 "...for if you have suffered physically for Christ, you have finished with sin."  I want to be finished with sin!! I want to suffer for (which puts me in a place where I am DESPERATE FOR) Christ!!

2. Yesterday God told me what I can tell people who ask me "What do you do for a living?" - I have tried to avoid that question for the past few months because my answer is always so marshmellow-y ("ummm...I work for God..." etc.)... but He gave me clarity and a "position". I am a Disciple. I am a follower of Jesus!  Yesterday I watched this sermon (Radical, week 1) by Jimmy Carroll at Journey Church, and he talks about how their leadership team defines a "Christ follower" as someone who is "getting to know Him and responds". That word- "respond" is a HUGE word. It's all about ACTION!

So here's my crazy story: 
Yesterday God told me to make a cardboard sign that says "PRAY" and then go and stand on a street corner. Today I did it. I was scared and nervous and fearful at first- but God BLESSED it. He was SO PRESENT. He held my hand. He encouraged me. He showed me that I was a good girl and that He was able to work through my obedience and humility. He told me when and where to go and how long to stay. (There were many times I wanted to leave (especially when it started raining)- but He said to hang on a little longer). I had been out there a little over 2 hours and felt Him tell me to "pack it up" but I told Him that I wanted to stay longer - I would go all day!!! But He told me something very profound and important. He reminded me that I can't do it on my own power and that I have to listen to Him. He told me there would be another opportunity but that it was time to go home.

ISN'T THAT CRAZY???? Yes!

It was awesome. There were a LOT of people that encouraged / celebrated with me. There were a lot of people that I saw that were challenged. There were a lot of people that I couldn't read. There was one woman who was writing a sermon on prayer for Sunday and she was inspired. There were at least 3 people that tried to give me cash - :)  <--no, I didn't take it!! ha! 

God let me stand on a street corner and PRAY and WORSHIP Him with strangers!!!! WHAT?!!! WOW!!!! He let me be a part of His work! Hundreds and hundreds of people saw the word "PRAY" today. If it helped even one person to lift their eyes up to our HOLY and RIGHTEOUS Father in Heaven, it was worth overcoming all the fear in the world!!

ps. There was only one person that gave me a "thumbs down". God protected my heart and I think He led me to pray for him. Awesome!!

<3

Who's the Temple?

I'm the TEMPLE!
Today God told me through 2 Chronicles 7:14-16 that I AM the Temple...

The promises made to Solomon about God's Temple being dear to His heart are so applicable today! Post-Jesus, WE are the little living Temples- our hearts/souls are where the Spirit of the Lord lives... the LIGHT in US is contained in the Holy of Holies... our hearts! OH MY GOSH- I'm about to have a heart attack because this is SO BIG!!!! See what happens? I just graze over this stuff in my mind when I read it, but now and then something catches and it cuts me deep. I've gotta study this Temple stuff more. I've gotta go back and learn more about how the Temple was made- I bet all the specifications, measurements, and materials MEAN something (duh, Carissa! Of COURSE they do!)!  - Whoooooaaaaa-  I just tied this back (in my mind) to the way if someone who was unclean went into the Holy of Holies, they DIED! EEEP!! - I digress (and can't really explain or take the time to wrap my head around what I just said, so I'm gonna let it go for now). 

So anyway, God took this passage and applied it to my life because right now I feel so RIDDLED with SIN (which could be because I am not feeling as close to Him- I'm exhausted and am not being obedient to all that HE tells me to do... I'm not basking in the Presence of the Lord the way I have before...I'm not praying as fervently as I have before... I'm not reading as much of the Word as I MUST (it's my FOOD!)... and I feel (again), hung up on other's expectations of me.) 

So God told me to SURRENDER (again and again and again)! --> To stop trying to CONTROL my life, circumstances, desires, etc. He has lovingly shown me that when I try to control anything for myself, He lets me and the outcome of that is EMPTINESS <--and lots of other ugliness that comes with the desire to fullfill mySELF. He wants me to HUMBLE myself and PRAY and SEEK HIM!!!... and when I do that EARNESTLY, the only outcome is that I WILL to REPENT and TURN from my sin (control, pride, gluttony, lust, deception, etc.)....

PRAY. I have to pray. PRAY. PRAY. PRAY.  That means- take the TIME to pray. Have MARGIN in your life, Carissa. REST. Just BE with HIM!!!!!

And when I do that, He promises to restore me.
I will it, Lord. Restore me.
I surrender -again.


2 Chronicles 7:14-16
Then if my people who are called by my name will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, I will hear from heaven and will forgive their sins and restore their land. My eyes will be open and my ears attentive to every prayer made in this place. For I have chosen this Temple and set it apart to be holy- a place where my name will be honored forever. I will always watch over it, for it is dear to my heart.

______________________________________

Lord, You are so faithful. Thank you for your all powerful, all knowing, never changing, fully present holiness and love. Amen.

<3

Radical blessing

I'm sure ya'll have heard me talking about the anointed book (Radical) that rocked my world (it actually ATE my world for two days while I was reading it- SOBBING in the Spirit) - well guess what? Today God POURED OUT HIS BLESSINGS on me.... I am SO HUMBLED and in AWE of our AMAZING GOD!!!...  because today He gave me MORE of that GOODNESS- He gave me the opportunity to see David Platt (the author of that book) speak LIVE about Elijah!! WHAT?!! 

Here's the 6 takeaways from tonight's talk (taste each word):
1. Elijah's identity was shaped in the solitude of God's presence.
2. His will was completely abandoned to the word of God.
3. He took great risks for God's great glory.
4. His spiritual battles were great, but God's grace was greater.
5. He leaves a legacy for God's glory among people he will never meet in this life.
6. Elijah knew this world was not his home.

God LOVES ME SO!!!! I just want to POUR MYSELF OUT TO HIM in THANKSGIVING!!!! (But there is no where near enough of me to come close to thanking Him for what He did for me- yesterday, today, and for all eternity- His GRACE is indescribable and incomprehensible!)


BTW: Best book EVER --> www.radicalthebook.com

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hmmmm... I kinda feel bad saying "best book EVER"... because frankly, it's a lie. The BIBLE is the best book EVER... but that's more like LIFE - BLOOD - BREATH - GOD - not a book.  Welllll- ALSO a book! :) 

 

I also happen to really love to bask in A.W. Tozer books. Oh BOOKS make me SOOOO HAPPY!! What has happened to me? How did I become such a nerd??? :) :) Let's see.... for the fun of it- here's my list of all time fav books (today):

• Pursuit of God (A.W. Tozer)
• Forgotten God (Francis Chan)
• Radical (David Platt)
• Hole in the Gospel (Richard Stearns)

 I'm also currently reading and loving:

• The Cost of Discipleship (Dietrich Bonhoeffer)
• Knowing God (J.I. Packer)
• Miscellaneous Tozer books (On Worship and Entertainment, The Counselor, Knowledge of the Holy)
• Too Busy Not to Pray (Bill Hybels)

I am really not as into books this week as I was last week though- I'm realllllllllly into the WORD. That's good. That's where God wants me. I'm loving Psalm and James today!

<3

Suit up!

Ephesians 6:10-20 (New Living Translation)

The Whole Armor of God

 ¹⁰ A final word: Be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. ¹¹ Put on all of God’s armor so that you will be able to stand firm against all strategies of the devil. ¹² For we are not fighting against flesh-and-blood enemies, but against evil rulers and authorities of the unseen world, against mighty powers in this dark world, and against evil spirits in the heavenly places. ¹³ Therefore, put on every piece of God’s armor so you will be able to resist the enemy in the time of evil. Then after the battle you will still be standing firm. ¹⁴ Stand your ground, putting on the belt of truth and the body armor of God’s righteousness. ¹⁵ For shoes, put on the peace that comes from the Good News so that you will be fully prepared. ¹⁶ In addition to all of these, hold up the shield of faith to stop the fiery arrows of the devil. ¹⁷ Put on salvation as your helmet, and take the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
 ¹⁸ Pray in the Spirit at all times and on every occasion. Stay alert and be persistent in your prayers for all believers everywhere.
 ¹⁹ And pray for me, too. Ask God to give me the right words so I can boldly explain God’s mysterious plan that the Good News is for Jews and Gentiles alike. ²⁰ I am in chains now, still preaching this message as God’s ambassador. So pray that I will keep on speaking boldly for him, as I should.

Thank you Biblegateway.com

Suit up.
Stand firm.
Pray!!!

Sinning to the nines

Have you ever heard that phrase "Dressed to the nines'"? What does it mean?? Technically, I don't really know (I'll look it up in a minute) but I DO know how we USE it. We use it when we are trying to say that someone is going "all out" in their apparel. So that's what keeps rolling through my head as I think about "Sinning to the nines" - I'm "going all out" in sin. Blech!

I see myself though. What I am thinking when I am "sinning to the nines" is that I am trying to "get it all out of my system". I figure that if I "mess up", that I should just KEEP messing up until I get to the BREAKING POINT!

That's kinda daft, isn't it?
I wonder if it's normal. I know that my ex used to do it too- maybe that's why we liked eachother. Indulgent sinners. Ick. Anyway- I watched him do it time after time- it was self-destruction with a goal- to blow up the building and start fresh...

That's what I'm doing.
STOP!!
What is wrong with me???

ps. Here's a link I found about what Dressed to the Nines means (or doesn't mean).

Bloodline

Do you think we (as believers) are descendants of the holy Jewish bloodline?? I wonder if since many of us in America are "mutts" if we could have some Jewish blood in us? Maybe THAT determines who we are or what moves us?  Maybe we are gentile versions of them- I mean- we ARE - we are "grafted in" (Romans 11:17-18).... but maybe we have some real droplets of blood tooooo??? Let's play this game (for fun only- because I am obviously being kooky here... we are what GOD makes us and that's all that matters.... Jew or Gentile, if we believe, we are HIS!!) Okay... but game time:

If you were Jewish, which family do you think you'd be in? I think this might take some research. :) Do you think you might be a Levite? Are you from the line of Aaron?? Are you a musician (maybe from family of Asaph, Heman or Jeduthun)? ...or maybe you are a Gatekeeper?? ...or a descendant of one of the kings or prophets or... I dunno... (and I DON'T know what I'm talking about here. I need to talk to a Bible scholar in a bad way about this. It's sooooo interesting! :))

I have had this question rolling around in my head for a weekish now (I've been reading 1 Chronicles if that gives you any inkling of where my mind is) - I've thought that I might be a Levite but today I found myself wondering if maybe I'm a descendant of Moses (or maybe just a gentile version) - (1 Chron 23:14) - BAAAH HA HA HA HA!!! I'm SOOOO PRIDEFUL - I think I'm SOOOOO important that I think I can be from MOSES!! LOL!! :D

BTW- 1 Chronicles is an AWESOME book! Oh, the WHOLE BIBLE is the BEST... but I especially loved chapters 16, 28 & 29. Here are some highlights:

16:8 - Give thanks to the LORD and proclaim his greatness. Let the whole world know what he has done.
16:11- Search for the LORD and for his strength; continually seek him.
16:36 - Praise the LORD, the God of Israel who lives from everlasting to everlasting!
28:9,10 - Worship and serve him with your whole heart and a willing mind. for the LORD seeks every heart and knows every plan and thought. If you see him, you will find him. But if you forsake him, he will reject you forever. So take this seriously. The LORD has chosen you to build a Temple as his sanctuary. Be strong, and do the work.
28:20 - Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God, my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you.
29:11 - Yours, O LORD, is the greatness, the power, the glory, the victory, and the majesty. Everything in the heavens and on earth is yours, O LORD, and this is your kingdom. We adore you as the one who is over all things.


<3

Passion

What kind of passion do you have?

Today I was moved by the phrase "holy passion" in Andy Cherry's song "Revival's Fire".

Just now I wrote an email to a friend and described her passion as "careful passion" and my passion as "impulsive passion". What kind of passion do YOU have?

 ______________________

*(post written 8/1- I found a bunch of "drafts" that I never published. I'm just gonna publish them. I'm not gonna start worrying about what I write here. I want to be transparent in alllll my mess!)

* Along these lines- interesting thought: Someone told me last week that I was very "organic" in my response to God. Actually, they may not have said "in your response to God"... but I think that's what they meant. I think it's true. I just try to be obedient in each moment and as I learn, I try to respond in obedience. EXCEPT when I'm being a rebellious little child!!! ("For I recognize my rebellion; it haunts me day and night." Psalm 51:3)


<3

Doomed

I love this word- Doooooom....   :)  It seems so sarcastic to me. Sarcastic fear.  <--my post has NOTHING to do with this, I just wanted to tell you. :)

That word came to my mind when I was thinking about what would happen if I continued walking in the way I am today... half-filled. Half-way filled with the Spirit. It's not okay. Nope. I would be doomed (to an unsuccessful and and unfulfilled life if I lived like this always....

...on the other hand... I am actually better off "half-filled" than I used to be- not filled at all! :)
Okay, that was the optimist in me speaking.

I just wanted to note the fact that I think it's easy to "spend" yourself and unless you make a commitment (and the actions necessary to follow that up) to taking time for yourself to be "refilled" by the power of the Holy Spirit- that we are letting our guards down for Satan to attack!
 
Let the redeemed of the Lord say HALLELUJAH!!!

Later: Whoooop- it's been another long day...  Sat at my computer for almost 10 hours. What a waste!!! I guess it's okay though... I just worked on a flyer for church- it was a necessary "dusting off of my meager graphic design skills"... I just feel like it was a wasted day. Ack. I need to go on another walk... and to the Bible store.... I'm gonna get Dayve a Bible and write him a note today... maybe I'll drop it off later... I don't know. I have to get out of here... I need a rest. breeeeathe!!!!!!!!!!

_________________________________
*(post written 8/2 - I found a bunch of "drafts" that I never published. I'm just gonna publish them. I'm not gonna start worrying about what I write here. I want to be transparent in alllll my mess!)

*(sad note to self: I STILL never got Dayve that Bible. I pray for him almost every day throughout the day, but I keep questioning myself - is it from GOD that I should get a Bible for him? I think about it sooooo often that it's either me being OCD, or it's God prodding me. I think maybe I should really do it. I should. I should. I should. Should I? WHY THE FEAR???!  - CARISSA, AHHHH!!!! (I just looked down in my lap to my open Bible which tells me "Then David continued, "Be strong and courageous, and do the work. Don't be afraid or discouraged, for the LORD God , my God, is with you. He will not fail you or forsake you. He will see to it that all the wrok related to the Temple of the LORD is finished correctly." 1 Chron 28:20)) - Just respond. Just respond. That's the theme of my life these days: LISTEN and RESPOND. Read the WORD and PRAY. HEAR and OBEY.

<3

God is bigger

Interesting thing I just noticed- when Satan is trying to tempt you in a big way- God is there in a BIGGER way.... all I have to do, is turn to Him. He's there to catch me!! THANK YOU LORD for pulling me through today!! (so far - ha!)

*BTW- YES- I reeeeallize this is a common sense deal, but I just re-stumbled upon it and thought that I should post it because no matter how smart I am, or how many times I hear something - when I experience it on my own (again or for the first time), it BLOWS MY MIND!!

GOD IS BIGGER THAN SIN!!!  (or in my case, distraction which leads to sin).

____________________________________
*(post written 9/7 - I found a bunch of "drafts" that I never published. I'm just gonna publish them. I'm not gonna start worrying about what I write here. I want to be transparent in alllll my mess!)