After that whole rant, I realized that my "mission" boils down to following the example of two role models ... if I can emulate these two guys in whatever capacity the Lord uses me (missions, church planting, family, flipping burgers, etc.), then I'll be golden! I want to live out my faith with a heart that is part John-the-Baptist ("Clear the road! Jesus is a'comin'!") and part Barnabas (the encourager).
I want to be bold in my faith (though humble) and responsive to the Spirit (in obedience) and encourage others (in love) through the prompting and power of God.
*The title of this blog is "Sister Caribarnabaptist" which I'd like to explain (for when I forget why I named it that), is just melding three names together. Carissa (Cari) Barnabas (barna) John the Baptist (baptist). ME!!! (wanna-be-me!!!) :) I could probably come up with a better melded name.... but not now- no time! I'm procrastinating and have much work to do....I need to get back to it.... but THANK YOU LORD for the opportunity to serve you, even when I'm so unworthy, You are so close and love me tenderly and with the untainted love of a perfect Father! Amen.
<3
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
What's my MISSION?
I don't know what God is doing, but I wanted to document my period of confused awe at how the Lord works....
In lots of my interactions (with passionate, God-minded & God-hearted Christians) I keep hearing them talk to me as if I were going to be a missionary. Is that weird? It's weird. I keep wanting to correct them "Um, NO- I didn't say that. I said that I wanted to ...X"
I AM passionate about missions- I love adventure and travel and other cultures. I ESPECIALLY love how much there is to LEARN from them. But my "X" (from above) is helping people connect with Jesus- I'm passionate about encouraging people- I'm passionate about WORSHIP (<--that's actually first for me) - I'm passionate about LOVING people (though I'm not great at it yet) and making them feel like they are a PART of something (<--the royal family, the Kingdom- I WANT them to be a part of the Kingdom!) - I'm passionate about Journey. I'm passionate about church planting.
Oh yeah- church planting is something that has rolled around in my realm (books, conversations, experiences, etc.) whether I was in a period of quenching the Spirit or not. I think if God gives me a family someday, that He will have me involved in a church plant, and not one that I choose, but one He chooses for me (I clarified that because I actually tried to get involved in one down here on my own power for my own glory and it was the wrong time and God showed me that quickly- PRAISE HIM for looking out for me!!! <--understatement! :)).
In the "olden days" when I was married to a wanna-be-pastor, I was SO VEHEMENTLY AGAINST being a "pastor's wife"... I scoff scoff scoffed at it! (SATAN).... at the same time, I was very engaged in (and loved) the church plant that we worked on together (we were on the launch team) and I read books about it and even did research on the concept in grad school). However, eventually my heart became hard to church plants/growing the Kingdom (SATAN!). Regardless, I wasn't walking in the Spirit, so anything I was doing- however good- was on my own strength and I know that anything that is done with my own strength is futile- only by walking in response to the Spirit of God can we be of use to the Kingdom!
Anyway, NOW I find myself drawn to church planting...God is so good in the way that He is equipping and teaching me and giving me opportunities to learn more (TCPN). Really, there is SO much out there (education-wise) on it, but I am not really as thirsty for KNOWLEDGE about it as I am for UNDERSTANDING- for my HEART to be prepared and softened and molded and for the Holy Spirit to reveal God's plan for His bride.
If I were to guess what God is up to in my life, I think He may have me involved in missions AND church planting WHILE I worship!! <-- For the record, by "worship", I do NOT mean "sing".... I am not a singer.... but I AM a worshipper and it is my desire to worship the Lord in Spirit and in truth and to be SWEPT AWAY from the cares of this world and operate on a new plane of servitude which can only happen if I am in a constant state of WORSHIP.
I wonder what God is doing.....
<3
In lots of my interactions (with passionate, God-minded & God-hearted Christians) I keep hearing them talk to me as if I were going to be a missionary. Is that weird? It's weird. I keep wanting to correct them "Um, NO- I didn't say that. I said that I wanted to ...X"
I AM passionate about missions- I love adventure and travel and other cultures. I ESPECIALLY love how much there is to LEARN from them. But my "X" (from above) is helping people connect with Jesus- I'm passionate about encouraging people- I'm passionate about WORSHIP (<--that's actually first for me) - I'm passionate about LOVING people (though I'm not great at it yet) and making them feel like they are a PART of something (<--the royal family, the Kingdom- I WANT them to be a part of the Kingdom!) - I'm passionate about Journey. I'm passionate about church planting.
Oh yeah- church planting is something that has rolled around in my realm (books, conversations, experiences, etc.) whether I was in a period of quenching the Spirit or not. I think if God gives me a family someday, that He will have me involved in a church plant, and not one that I choose, but one He chooses for me (I clarified that because I actually tried to get involved in one down here on my own power for my own glory and it was the wrong time and God showed me that quickly- PRAISE HIM for looking out for me!!! <--understatement! :)).
In the "olden days" when I was married to a wanna-be-pastor, I was SO VEHEMENTLY AGAINST being a "pastor's wife"... I scoff scoff scoffed at it! (SATAN).... at the same time, I was very engaged in (and loved) the church plant that we worked on together (we were on the launch team) and I read books about it and even did research on the concept in grad school). However, eventually my heart became hard to church plants/growing the Kingdom (SATAN!). Regardless, I wasn't walking in the Spirit, so anything I was doing- however good- was on my own strength and I know that anything that is done with my own strength is futile- only by walking in response to the Spirit of God can we be of use to the Kingdom!
Anyway, NOW I find myself drawn to church planting...God is so good in the way that He is equipping and teaching me and giving me opportunities to learn more (TCPN). Really, there is SO much out there (education-wise) on it, but I am not really as thirsty for KNOWLEDGE about it as I am for UNDERSTANDING- for my HEART to be prepared and softened and molded and for the Holy Spirit to reveal God's plan for His bride.
If I were to guess what God is up to in my life, I think He may have me involved in missions AND church planting WHILE I worship!! <-- For the record, by "worship", I do NOT mean "sing".... I am not a singer.... but I AM a worshipper and it is my desire to worship the Lord in Spirit and in truth and to be SWEPT AWAY from the cares of this world and operate on a new plane of servitude which can only happen if I am in a constant state of WORSHIP.
I wonder what God is doing.....
<3
Thursday, February 10, 2011
What is the Nugget?
For the record, I can't wait until I can get to the point where I can use all the lessons that God is teaching me and turn them into nuggets of truth to share with you. Right now I blog my OWN experiences and thoughts....but I forsee a time when I will be able to take what I am telling you and apply it to the Word and then create an encouraging and insightful exhortation to share. <-- if this is God's will. :)
Today I read a great blog by one of my friends - a worshiper who I deeply respect. This blog was SO good... and I realize that it is even more impactful for me because it is exactly the lesson that God is trying to teach me today. But I thought "hmmmm, it's possible that God is talking to us about the same thing. Why are his posts so much better than mine?"
Well, for one, I know that if I was going to blog about this same topic, mine would come out in the form of stories and thoughts. I would tell you about how terrible I am... I would tell you how sinful I am... I would tell you about how over the course of the last few weeks God has been trying to teach me whatever it is....
Do you see? I make this about ME!! My little world still revolves around me. I measure others' experiences against MY experiences and I expect others to do the same (measure themselves against MY experiences). Even my world that is all about Christ, is really all about ME! I try to exhort people from MY OWN experiences instead of from the foundation of TRUTH (Christ / the Word).
Anyway- this is good. It just shows me how far I have to go. Keep surrendering. Keep shedding self. Keep dying.
As I continue blogging, I am going to try to just look for the nugget of truth - what is Jesus telling me? - and then tell you THAT instead of all the unnecessary gobbelty-gook of my day and mind.
Hm. That sure should keep my posts shorter! :)
Let's see if it happens....
<3
Today I read a great blog by one of my friends - a worshiper who I deeply respect. This blog was SO good... and I realize that it is even more impactful for me because it is exactly the lesson that God is trying to teach me today. But I thought "hmmmm, it's possible that God is talking to us about the same thing. Why are his posts so much better than mine?"
Well, for one, I know that if I was going to blog about this same topic, mine would come out in the form of stories and thoughts. I would tell you about how terrible I am... I would tell you how sinful I am... I would tell you about how over the course of the last few weeks God has been trying to teach me whatever it is....
Do you see? I make this about ME!! My little world still revolves around me. I measure others' experiences against MY experiences and I expect others to do the same (measure themselves against MY experiences). Even my world that is all about Christ, is really all about ME! I try to exhort people from MY OWN experiences instead of from the foundation of TRUTH (Christ / the Word).
Anyway- this is good. It just shows me how far I have to go. Keep surrendering. Keep shedding self. Keep dying.
As I continue blogging, I am going to try to just look for the nugget of truth - what is Jesus telling me? - and then tell you THAT instead of all the unnecessary gobbelty-gook of my day and mind.
Hm. That sure should keep my posts shorter! :)
Let's see if it happens....
<3
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Weird faith story about Rue
Here's a pic of my babydog, Rue.
(Name = When I adopted her they told me she was an australian shepherd / beagle mix so we were going to call her "Kangaroo", then "Kanga", then "Roo", then the spelling of "Rue" seemed more hip and I THOUGHT it meant "red" in french but it turns out that it means "street"... or sauce (though that might be spelled "roux").
A few weekends ago, God tested me in a BIG way with Rue. He knows how much I love her and He wants me to be sure to love Him more. I feel like the experience was akin to the Abraham/Isaac sacrifice story (Genesis 22:1-18). (This is more suited for a live telling, but I'll try to write it out because I'll forget.)
Once upon a time.... (a few months ago) .... my friend Meggan told a group of us that she was considering adopting a dog. It is very vivid in my mind and something in me (God?) planted a little seed that maybe I needed to offer to give Rue to her. (Of course the seed wasn't developed yet so I didn't say anything right away.) Over the course of the next few months I started to think that maybe God was going to take Rue away (I wondered if it was going to be through sickness or what) but I felt like it was HIM so I set my mind on trusting whatever the plan was going to be. (Also, secretly, I was worried that if I went to Africa for a long period of time, I was going to have to do SOMETHING with her. But I put it out of my mind.)
So then the other week, I got an email from Meggan asking for dog supplies because she was ready to adopt and she wanted an older dog (not a puppy). As I read the email, I felt like God was prompting me to offer Rue (my baby) to her.
Note: This was incredibly heartbreaking but I felt like it was God and I wanted to be obedient. I didn't want to let Him down.
I responded to her email and made the offer of adopting Rue to her....and then I let it sit. <---when I wanted to call and/or write and explain and whine. I wanted to tell her that I didn't mean it and I hoped she wouldn't take her but that I was trying to be obedient to God... but I DIDN'T. I walked...and mourned....and BEGGED GOD for a ram in the bush! It was torture...
...but the next day (after a day spent with the Lord) when I got Meggan's response that she already had a dog in mind and that I should keep my baby, I was SOOOOO HAPPY!!! It was like God had given me the gift of Rue all over again!!
The end. :)
(*This is kinda a hokey story and hard to express in a blog. I feel somewhat prideful and braggy telling this to you (me), but I wanted to document it because I realized that I will forget and someday I need to remember how the Lord was teaching and training me during this point of my life. He is building my FAITH and teaching me to trust in Him alone. PLEASE keep walking in faith, Carissa! PLEASE don't forget. There is no one / nothing that can love and fulfill you more than Christ.)
Remind me to tell you the "donut" story sometime!
Love!
(Name = When I adopted her they told me she was an australian shepherd / beagle mix so we were going to call her "Kangaroo", then "Kanga", then "Roo", then the spelling of "Rue" seemed more hip and I THOUGHT it meant "red" in french but it turns out that it means "street"... or sauce (though that might be spelled "roux").
A few weekends ago, God tested me in a BIG way with Rue. He knows how much I love her and He wants me to be sure to love Him more. I feel like the experience was akin to the Abraham/Isaac sacrifice story (Genesis 22:1-18). (This is more suited for a live telling, but I'll try to write it out because I'll forget.)
Once upon a time.... (a few months ago) .... my friend Meggan told a group of us that she was considering adopting a dog. It is very vivid in my mind and something in me (God?) planted a little seed that maybe I needed to offer to give Rue to her. (Of course the seed wasn't developed yet so I didn't say anything right away.) Over the course of the next few months I started to think that maybe God was going to take Rue away (I wondered if it was going to be through sickness or what) but I felt like it was HIM so I set my mind on trusting whatever the plan was going to be. (Also, secretly, I was worried that if I went to Africa for a long period of time, I was going to have to do SOMETHING with her. But I put it out of my mind.)
So then the other week, I got an email from Meggan asking for dog supplies because she was ready to adopt and she wanted an older dog (not a puppy). As I read the email, I felt like God was prompting me to offer Rue (my baby) to her.
Note: This was incredibly heartbreaking but I felt like it was God and I wanted to be obedient. I didn't want to let Him down.
I responded to her email and made the offer of adopting Rue to her....and then I let it sit. <---when I wanted to call and/or write and explain and whine. I wanted to tell her that I didn't mean it and I hoped she wouldn't take her but that I was trying to be obedient to God... but I DIDN'T. I walked...and mourned....and BEGGED GOD for a ram in the bush! It was torture...
...but the next day (after a day spent with the Lord) when I got Meggan's response that she already had a dog in mind and that I should keep my baby, I was SOOOOO HAPPY!!! It was like God had given me the gift of Rue all over again!!
The end. :)
(*This is kinda a hokey story and hard to express in a blog. I feel somewhat prideful and braggy telling this to you (me), but I wanted to document it because I realized that I will forget and someday I need to remember how the Lord was teaching and training me during this point of my life. He is building my FAITH and teaching me to trust in Him alone. PLEASE keep walking in faith, Carissa! PLEASE don't forget. There is no one / nothing that can love and fulfill you more than Christ.)
Remind me to tell you the "donut" story sometime!
Love!
Body Steward
Taking care of my BODY is a stewardship issue too!!! Ahhhh!!!
One of my favorite phrases that our pastor, Jimmy Carroll, uses is "it's a stewardship issue"... when he is talking about how we use our LIFE or finances, etc....
How I care for my body- the temple of the Holy Spirit- is a stewardship issue too....
I must steward my time, talents, treasure, and EVERYTHING that God gives me for the GLORY of King Jesus!!!
Remember.
<3
One of my favorite phrases that our pastor, Jimmy Carroll, uses is "it's a stewardship issue"... when he is talking about how we use our LIFE or finances, etc....
How I care for my body- the temple of the Holy Spirit- is a stewardship issue too....
I must steward my time, talents, treasure, and EVERYTHING that God gives me for the GLORY of King Jesus!!!
Remember.
<3
Sleep
Father, help me not to get so comfortable in my circumstances (even ones in which I am serving You), or with my "gifts" or "responsibilities" that I am lulled to sleep. Wake me up, Lord God. Help me to set alarms/ precautions against falling asleep. Show me what "alarms" are and how to set them... show me how to remain alive and awake by the power of Your Spirit for Your glory. Transform me into the image of Jesus- help me to love like He loved and serve like He served. Help me to go and do what Jesus would go and do and to do it with a humble and gentle heart filled with peace and boldness for spreading the Good News. May there be less and less of Carissa and more and more of Jesus in me. May Your miracles and power and light and goodness live through my body. Unzip me and take out the earth-ridden stuffing and fill me with Jesus. Jesus live!! Carissa die. I surrender all!!
Father, it is my hope and deepest desire that I would continue to surrender ALL everyday for the rest of my time on this earth- that I would be of use to the Kingdom (which can only happen if I am not and Jesus is).
I feel my flesh wanting to sleep. I feel my mind being deceived. I feel the pull of the world. I feel the desire to understand and comprehend and compare and compute - but I must give up my self- I must give up my plans. I must give up my dreams and hopes and expectations. I don't want them if they don't spring from the Living Water. Anything that is born of my flesh is garbage and useless and poison. I only want Jesus.
Wake me up, Lord!!!
Keep me awake!
I surrender my food addiction - I surrender my control of it. You have overcome the world and you have CERTAINLY overcome my measly taste for sugar and carbs and garbage which so evidently separates me from You- from feeling you and hearing from you cllllearly. I know you are still with me when I eat like this (I've been "off the wagon" for about a week and a half now) and you are still talking with and through me- but it is getting more muffled. I am feeling further away. I am making more mistakes. I am being rocked to sleep. rock-a-bye-carissa-on-the-treetop...
WAKE UP!
NOTHING is more important than following Jesus with your WHOLE heart and WHOLE life and WHOLE stomach!!! GIVE UP the garbage!
SET ALARMS!
Accountability = key.
Community = key.
Being in the Word & prayer = priceless.
Seek ye first the Kingdom and then all these things will be added unto you!
Give up your life! Follow me!
I surrender alllllllll!
Amen.
<3
Father, it is my hope and deepest desire that I would continue to surrender ALL everyday for the rest of my time on this earth- that I would be of use to the Kingdom (which can only happen if I am not and Jesus is).
I feel my flesh wanting to sleep. I feel my mind being deceived. I feel the pull of the world. I feel the desire to understand and comprehend and compare and compute - but I must give up my self- I must give up my plans. I must give up my dreams and hopes and expectations. I don't want them if they don't spring from the Living Water. Anything that is born of my flesh is garbage and useless and poison. I only want Jesus.
Wake me up, Lord!!!
Keep me awake!
I surrender my food addiction - I surrender my control of it. You have overcome the world and you have CERTAINLY overcome my measly taste for sugar and carbs and garbage which so evidently separates me from You- from feeling you and hearing from you cllllearly. I know you are still with me when I eat like this (I've been "off the wagon" for about a week and a half now) and you are still talking with and through me- but it is getting more muffled. I am feeling further away. I am making more mistakes. I am being rocked to sleep. rock-a-bye-carissa-on-the-treetop...
WAKE UP!
NOTHING is more important than following Jesus with your WHOLE heart and WHOLE life and WHOLE stomach!!! GIVE UP the garbage!
SET ALARMS!
Accountability = key.
Community = key.
Being in the Word & prayer = priceless.
Seek ye first the Kingdom and then all these things will be added unto you!
Give up your life! Follow me!
I surrender alllllllll!
Amen.
<3
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Both Ways
We CAN'T have it both ways.
We either live in Christ OR we live in ourselves.
If we choose ourselves- we live an ordinary life. We live a life with some joy and some satisfaction and some sense of being connected to others.
On the contrary, if we choose to live for Jesus... by the power of the Holy Spirit, we live INSPIRED and SUPERNATURAL lives FILLED with PURPOSE, SATISFACTION, DIRECTION, AND PEACE.
Why does my flesh want to choose the wrong way? Why do I naturally want to do things my OWN way? Why do I think that if I am doing it "my way" that I can "have my cake and eat it too"?? <--- that is DECEPTION- that is a false cake! That is a counterfeit cake! The only "cake" is JESUS and the only way to "eat it too" is to DIE. To give it up. Give up everything and then I can HAVE everything more abundantly....
It makes no sense.
But put this [die-to-self, turn from your own plans, surrender all] in action and it's the only way to truly live!!
<3
We either live in Christ OR we live in ourselves.
If we choose ourselves- we live an ordinary life. We live a life with some joy and some satisfaction and some sense of being connected to others.
On the contrary, if we choose to live for Jesus... by the power of the Holy Spirit, we live INSPIRED and SUPERNATURAL lives FILLED with PURPOSE, SATISFACTION, DIRECTION, AND PEACE.
Why does my flesh want to choose the wrong way? Why do I naturally want to do things my OWN way? Why do I think that if I am doing it "my way" that I can "have my cake and eat it too"?? <--- that is DECEPTION- that is a false cake! That is a counterfeit cake! The only "cake" is JESUS and the only way to "eat it too" is to DIE. To give it up. Give up everything and then I can HAVE everything more abundantly....
It makes no sense.
But put this [die-to-self, turn from your own plans, surrender all] in action and it's the only way to truly live!!
<3
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