What's my MISSION?

I don't know what God is doing, but I wanted to document my period of confused awe at how the Lord works....

In lots of my interactions (with passionate, God-minded & God-hearted Christians) I keep hearing them talk to me as if I were going to be a missionary. Is that weird? It's weird. I keep wanting to correct them "Um, NO- I didn't say that. I said that I wanted to ...X"

I AM passionate about missions- I love adventure and travel and other cultures. I ESPECIALLY love how much there is to LEARN from them. But my "X" (from above) is helping people connect with Jesus- I'm passionate about encouraging people- I'm passionate about WORSHIP (<--that's actually first for me) - I'm passionate about LOVING people (though I'm not great at it yet) and making them feel like they are a PART of something (<--the royal family, the Kingdom- I WANT them to be a part of the Kingdom!) - I'm passionate about Journey. I'm passionate about church planting.

Oh yeah- church planting is something that has rolled around in my realm (books, conversations, experiences, etc.) whether I was in a period of quenching the Spirit or not. I think if God gives me a family someday, that He will have me involved in a church plant, and not one that I choose, but one He chooses for me (I clarified that because I actually tried to get involved in one down here on my own power for my own glory and it was the wrong time and God showed me that quickly- PRAISE HIM for looking out for me!!! <--understatement! :)).

In the "olden days" when I was married to a wanna-be-pastor, I was SO VEHEMENTLY AGAINST being a "pastor's wife"... I scoff scoff scoffed at it! (SATAN).... at the same time, I was very engaged in (and loved) the church plant that we worked on together (we were on the launch team) and I read books about it and even did research on the concept in grad school). However, eventually my heart became hard to church plants/growing the Kingdom (SATAN!).  Regardless, I wasn't walking in the Spirit, so anything I was doing- however good- was on my own strength and I know that anything that is done with my own strength is futile- only by walking in response to the Spirit of God can we be of use to the Kingdom!

Anyway, NOW I find myself drawn to church planting...God is so good in the way that He is equipping and teaching me and giving me opportunities to learn more (TCPN). Really, there is SO much out there (education-wise) on it, but I am not really as thirsty for KNOWLEDGE about it as I am for UNDERSTANDING- for my HEART to be prepared and softened and molded and for the Holy Spirit to reveal God's plan for His bride. 

If I were to guess what God is up to in my life, I think He may have me involved in missions AND church planting WHILE I worship!! <-- For the record, by "worship",  I do NOT mean "sing".... I am not a singer.... but I AM a worshipper and it is my desire to worship the Lord in Spirit and in truth and to be SWEPT AWAY from the cares of this world and operate on a new plane of servitude which can only happen if I am in a constant state of WORSHIP.

I wonder what God is doing.....



<3