Sweetly Broken

I don't know if I would say that I'm sweeeeeeetly broken... but this song resonated with me again today (I heard it on the radio and remembered my favorite version of it by Josh & Tasha Via on their album, The Healing.)

Anyway- I just felt like I should blog a little... I'm tired and need to go to bed and get some sleep so I can get up for spin class in the morning. I didn't sleep well last night- I wrestled with God - battling between the flesh and the spirit. In the mountains I let my flesh win... last night I think either the spirit won or it was a wash. It was probably a wash since I'm the same today as yesterday.... but God DID give me the opportunity to speak truth to 3 people today (Matt Roten, Dom and Corie).

God, what are you doing?
Whatever it is, I'm in.

It looks like Aaron might be adopting Rue. My heart breaks about it. I don't know how to handle it... but I must.... I don't exist for this life....for the comforts and pleasures therein, but only to pour myself out for God. Lord, I trust that you know best and if I will be weighed down by owning a dog- then strip her from me (though, Lord, you know it hurts deeply). Sweetly broken. There's no pleasure - no "sweet" - but brokenneess is sweet because it leads me to the cross...it leads me to You. I must be broken and my flesh must be crucified. I must not rely on myself or desire anything for myself. I must be selfless and dead to myself. I need you. I need ONLY You.

Teach me, O Lord. I offer myself as a sacrifice... please take me and use me for your GLORY.

God, I pray for a clean heart. I pray for purity, and holiness and a morally blameless heart and life. I pray for renewed and pure loyalties to YOU alone, O LORD. I pray for wisdom and understanding and discernment that I may know you so that I may follow you more completely. I pray for a heart full of prayer. I pray to be stripped of my carnal self and my flesh. I pray for my friends. I pray to want to pray for my friends. Lord, take away my selfishness. Take away my pride. Take away my sin....my gluttony... my laziness... my desires for things of this world. Lord, I trust you....help me to trust you more. Father, I pray for more faith. I pray for more obedience. I pray for humility and boldness and understanding and truth. I pray for Your heart to beat inside of me and drive me to live for you and for your lost sheep. God I need YOU alone. God, my heart is Yours alone....and if it's not- when it's not...take it captive. Help me to die to myself. My desire is to live for you. Keep me Lord. Put a hedge of protection around me... don't let me fall off the path. Light my steps.

I'm so sorry that I ate all that garbage tonight.... I ate two pieces of pizza and one and a half pieces of cake and a big bowl of oatmeal with raisin bran topped with marshmallows, peanut butter and honey, and a rainbow sherbet ice cream cone. Look at how disgusting that is.

Thank you for Corie. Save her. Bless her. Call her. Rescue her from her circumstances and make her completely Yours. Father, I pray for those you will give me- that you will begin working in their hearts- transforming them. God, I believe you will sanctify me. Please sanctify me and send me out.

Amen.