Brain dump

I'm just going to dump my brain here and see if it helps. My new friend Nancy suggested it last week and so I'm going to try.... I have a lot clogged up in there... tumultuous day yesterday... but here goes...

And it's blank.
Haha!
I'm just messing with myself I guess.

Okay... my head is full... especially my forehead. I guess that's energy, stuck energy. I'm nervous about Victoria coming. I want to BE LOVE NOW but my flesh is still all wrapped up and upset but I'm a channel for light. TIKKUN OLAM I dreamt about it being Tikkun Olam day.

Breathe.

Much to do. Don't hold everything tightly.... let everything flow. This was an opportunity for suffering to overcome self. See my ego. I saw how pain body rose up to try to get in on the action. Ego is involved. What I see in Victoria (that irks me) is the stuff about me that needs to be weeded.

Breathe.

I always push away Michael. I'm so fortunate and blessed. I'm scared that I have breast cancer. God said He's helping me quit sugar... He said I could eat it today but I HAVE to stop. It's killing me. If I want to heal my vessel and be a force of Love and Light I have to be clear and pure and sugar makes me off kilter. I guess that's probably why I didn't respond to Victoria and her dog with love - but in fear. Prissy isn't my dog to protect. Dee's cats aren't my cats to protect. But I want to...but Lexi wasn't going to kill them, she just wanted to chase and torture them. She rolled (attacked) Prissy twice. Victoria doesn't take responsibility and won't apologize. I must do this to poor Michael.

Corie. It's all too much. Let it all through. Let it pass through. She has her own stuff going on. Don't take it personally. She has a strong pain body that has to create (or feeds on) drama. She has a strong energy field. Don't be jealous. I guess I am attracted to it but it hurts me. I tried very hard NOT to allow myself to be a victim. Looking at stuff kind of makes me victimize the situation (aka Lana is making me run in circles like a horse ...when you punish a horse).

Pause - plan - I need to get timothy hay cubes. The man is coming to discuss sedge. Victoria might come. She might try to hurt me. I have to let her. I have to be love. Jesus watched with love as others destroyed his body. His soul was strong. He overcame fear and death. He lived in love. I want to too. I must. This was a minor opportunity to learn to allow emotions to pass through and not allow them to be stuck. I succeeded a little, but I failed a little too. It's not "good" or "bad", it's "mature" and "immature" and I have more maturing to do.

Okay. Maybe I'll always brain dump here. It's helpful. I should probably not have it for everyone to see. There's probably a privacy setting.

Going now. XO

My reality

This is where I'm at and I'm super pleased with it and feel like it's TRUE.

The first words I saw were:

1. Gratitude
2. Selfcare
3. Purpose
4. Family
5. Alignment

(Yes, I know it says to look for the first 3. I did but then I couldn't stop so I found two more!)

I think these words are truly what my soul is working on right now. As I was walking the pookets today I reflected back on this post (just something silly I saw on Bobbie's facebook page)... but it really seems true.

I want to work on looking at life - experiencing life - through a lens of gratitude. I think I'm learning selfcare and how to prioritize myself. (Sometimes not so well, sometimes too well), and I know I am still waiting on and hoping to uncover "my purpose". I mean, I think it is to BE a channel for the divine - for God/YHVH/Source/Abba/The Universe to experience it/Himself through my vessel. I am an extension of the Father and this is actually enough purpose. I still wonder if there is another purpose... or maybe I just need to learn to accept and rest in what IS (yes. That.).

Anyway, I also am learning about family and the dynamics and personalities and needs and experiences that are born from these precious relationships. (As well as how to let go of resentments and bitterness that I stored up through my errant and filtered viewpoint that was largely based on unexpressed expectations (and in the case of my younger self, just understanding where my lens came from and observing and letting go of emotional blocks and traumas.)

Lastly, I AM learning about alignment - I think it starts with learning to embody my soul and create a solid core for energy to move through (so I can be a clear and healthy channel for the Divine). I need alignment with God and with Earth. I need to be rooted in both the celestial or holy realms as well as grounded to the earth where my body resides. I need to be aligned with my body and I want my mind to be aligned with my soul as well as I continue to explore my purpose with gratitude.