Yesterday I was driving to town on Brogden Road and all of a sudden everything became very clear and focused. I looked down and saw that I was speeding and I realized that life was fragile. I looked up and saw a car at a crossroads in front of me and they sat there for a while (it's a pretty straight road) but as I got close, they pulled out. I was trying to slow down from speeding but was going about 60MPH (in a 55) ... it was close but I slammed on my breaks and swerved around them (they stopped in the middle of the road). It was scary but I was calm - I could see so clearly the woman's face (and that she had an old woman passenger) ... her face didn't register anything... she was just watching. It was strange. I got by them and my heart started racing (adrenaline response) but my body took care of calming itself within a few minutes. It was just so strange to have everything become so clear right before that moment. You hear that time slows down before an accident...but this was a "miss" (thanks be to God). But what this showed me is that I don't need to (shouldn't) worry about everything... everything takes care of itself the way it should. If I should have had that accident (where at least two of us would have died), it would have been. I just need to accept and allow....and observe.
Thanks be to God... Whole... I AM... WE ARE...
My hormones are out of balance - too much estrogen I think. I think I have a ovarian cyst that may have burst (or not yet) and it's causing a hormone surge. I have "heat" rising... maybe kundalini rising... but "stuckness" of energy in my head. I have head fullness - head aches - neck aches - and quite concerning because it's so new, for the past 3.5 days I've had tremors in my nether-regions...not really my uterus and not really my colon (but maybe colon). They come and go but have been consistent night and day.
What do I need to DO?
Jennifer came yesterday and suggested that I don't need to do anything... but mustn't I respond. Mustn't I "push down"? Mustn't I ground and focus on my tenth chakra (I just learned that my 10th chakra is below my feet. I need to look into this more.)
I intend... maybe I still WANT (which is a blocker) for my energy core to be strong and open and everything to flow. Can I not do that with my MIND. No. Not my MIND... for me "mind" is the tricky one ... ego's got it wrapped around her finger. I am learning to trust Body to take care of herself - she's done a bang up job for 42 years despite all I've thrown at her - I need to just support her better - love her better - appreciate her better - and get Mind off her back! Mind is a troublemaker - she's always making up fear and problems and trying to birth them through ego and body. Consciousness sees. Thanks be to God.
What about Awareness? Is Awareness greater than Consciousness? Body encircled by Mind encircled by Consciousness encircled by Awareness. I got that before but maybe not anymore... maybe it's just Body/Mind/Consciousness. Is Consciousness the same as Spirit? One Spirit. One God. One Consciousness. Mind tricks us into duality.
Ultimately I need to surrender all - even this (especially this) trying to figure it out. It's Mind trying to figure it out.... so is Mind the same as Ego? Consciousness already knows everything so if I just FLOW in consciousness everything is take care of and everything will balance itself out in time.
Mind wants me to hurry. Mind wants to be in control. Mind wants to BE GOD.
You see.
I see.
But then what? To do or not do?
Be.
Rest like a bird in her nest.
You added the bird in her nest part. Just Rest. The bird has become overused and stale - ego took it. That's ego too. Oh man. Shhhhhh.
Anyway,
Yeah. I need to eat my vegetables.
Should I go to Dr. Xiu? It wouldn't hurt. Will it help? Probably.
Thanks be to God. to YOU. to ME.... the "deep I". Shhhhhhhh
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