MY job

MY job is to help Paul see that he can do anything he sets his mind to and to help him see how amazing he is! How smart and talented he is! MY job is to call out his strengths and gifts! My job is help him recognize that he is AMAZING! 

NOT to tell him what he "can't" do... only to BELIEVE IN HIM to do ANYTHING he sets his mind to! 12:09

___
I wonder if there was anything to the 11:12 switching to 11:13 that I saw this morning. I think so. Also, last night my comment was number #67 in the Foundations Call comments which = 13... I think Mother is with me. Trying to embody and support me to embody and support the fullness of all WE ARE.

12:24/28

Telling on myself

Just posted this comment in the ES Foundations Call:
Just noting that in the last month I am watching this violent negative ego dark portal narcissistic rage and impulsivity triggering control dramas coming from within myself. I thought I had cleared this but now it’s here again - driven by fear and makes ME an unsafe person to my loved ones. I’m staying tuned in and begging God for help. I am moving densities, but it is very unpleasant. Indigo 3 contract I guess. Just wanted to report myself here too. Love you all so much!! 

Really having a hard time but feeling like we are on the right path... that there is help. "Help is on the way".... 

AG picks and information has been here... and we seem to be getting aligned ascension symptoms.
And look... this is an opportunity to overcome once and for all. To choose GOD. To choose LOVE. 

This article is truth: https://bartoll.se/2021/01/a-look-into-the-secret-societies-and-the-vision-for-our-world/

I need to digest it word by word.

Not doing well

I know it's bad to say that out loud - that it "manifests" or nails in this negativity, but I also feel that I need to vent. I'm tired. Angry. Sad. Disappointed. Frustrated. Confused. 

Ormr

Our newest family member, Ormr, joined us today! Ormr means "dragon" in Norse and he is a beautiful betta fish - lovely rainbow colors - primarily teal, purple, and coral!

Driving home his consciousness showed me that "dragons" are "reptiles"... so how do we work with rainbow dragons which are Krystic being "reptillian" in nature? How does this apply to humanity and the blueprint we are here to support the reclamation of. Very interesting to ponder. This is the beginning.

I think Ormr is a member of the Amethyst Order to help Paul and I and I thank God for him and ask for blessings for him and all his family and all he is! We also got 2 neon tetra, 3 mystery snails and we got a piece of driftwood with a live plant on it which included 3 stowaway alage eater sucker fish!

Our tank looks magnificent! I'm so happy! Here's a before and after!

. 

And Ormr is in this one. I'll have to get some better pictures of him!

9:43.

It's 2/22/22 and I did see 11:11. Would love to see 22:22 but that's wishful thinking. 
Paul and I went on a date to Brisa's in Goldsboro - our first time there and it was delicious! I wanted a margarita for "national margarita day". I drank maybe a half inch of it. I don't do alcohol well. 

After we went and got our friends we went back downtown and got an ice cream cone which was fun. But I need to stop eating so terribly. I do not consent to bifurcating down to an addiction timeline or a fat person timeline. 

Paul brought forward this "Sex and Money" talk by these relationship mentors which he dreamt about and we are watching it now and it's on point. I'm so grateful for Paul. He is funny and brings joy, wonder, and healing to my life. Thank you God! Teach me to be a blessing to him. 

More Mother & Paul and King Arthur

It's 13:26 - MOTHER. I saw another 26 too... 12:26 I believe. Maybe more. 

Had some significant pain in my left side... spleen... Crux implant... this morning...before and during dog walk. Including left arm numbness. This is integration and activation of MOTHER.... Sophianic energies.

AG Pick - https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Lunar_Outpost,_Moon_Colony_and_Sexual_Misery_Program

We are CLEARING AND OVERRIDING THAT! Thank you God!! I AM GSF!!

____

I just learned that back in the day PAUL was in the KING ARTHUR parade in New Orleans on the GREEN DRAGON float!!! WHAT? Amazing!! Anyone else feeling Emerald Order?? Whoop!

WILD.

Bald Eagle

 Eagle is UP! BALD EAGLE. I SAW one not too long ago HERE in Smithfield, I believe...driving on Rte 70. And then it was a thread on Nextdoor that I responded too and I have been getting emails about Bald Eagles almost daily the last couple days ... then TODAY, MOM re-sent me the link to watch LIVE the Bald Eagles that live near her and there are BABIES!! I couldn't watch until just now because our power was out and right now they are being FED by their Mom! It's INCREDIBLE! Thank you God!

"The bald eagle is the leader over all winged creatures. An example of stamina, power, and freedom, this bird is a symbol that hardships and new beginnings have to be met head-on and conquered. Keeping honesty and truth while battling the woes of the world is tougher than any physical fight. The bald eagle is a mere 12 pounds of hollow bones, but their reputation as being a bold leader far exceeds their mass."
https://intuitivejourney.com/spiritual-meaning-bald-eagles/

Also being called to surrender FEAR. So much fear to surrender. To heal "heart trauma" related to Henry the dog being attacked in the dog park by Leigh's dogs and her subsequent fire ball response to my trauma response. All very damaging and it's time to release it. 

As well I have to trust the dog's soul path and choices and if they choose to communicate with eachother through growling and barking.... to get the other to stop humping them... etc.... then it is what it is. 

I think I must be having lightcodes coming in - my CNS is triggered. I have a tremor in my right lower leg too. And anxiety. I've been having chest pain and tightness. Breathe. It's activations. I'm very sensitive to noise and energy right now. 

Countries

Yesterday Sophia Osho brought forward Germany. I felt a Netherlands/Dutch response to that through intuition/knowing and then something mentioned in my AG pick which was about a star. Today Dutch/Holland came up again as Paul pulled something up about flower bulbs (we had one accidentally mailed to me 2 days ago from amazon. 11/11:11. Just had 11:10 and 11/11:10 too!

Paul brought up Russia today (referencing masculine Russian bread, I believe. Yesterday he looked at his watch at 6:06am. 

When we were waiting for horse's water to fill up, CHINA was illuminated on the spiget. 

All relevant.

11/11:12 11/11:13 11/11:16
11/11:54

1:11 on the 11. I saw that 11:11 and today Paul and I have been together 111 days! 11/11:13

2:22

55.50 5:54
11/5:55
11/6:06
11/6:22 11/6:33
7:33 7:44
8:08 8:28 8:33 8:44 8:54 20:54 20:55

Eagles. Chickens. Drones.

Number codes

10/10:10
6:06/10 9:20/10

5:55 x 3 today!!!

5:55 66 degrees 77 degrees  ... also saw 99

It's 10/8:44 now

I saw 6:33/10 too
And lots... 8:43 43 2:43 3:44 10/10:22 

Lots of cries today too. Lots of emotion moving through. Lots of support, thank you God. Heart upgrades. 

10/9:00 9:33/10 

I didn't do the Seraphim Reclamation today which I feel bad about. 44 degrees

Feel it in the body

As I held Rayah the tree this morning I realized that - 9/9:48 - all this is to help me learn to FEEEEEEL ... what does it feel like to love too much? What does it feel like to feel neglected? What does it feel like to feel hurt? What does it feel like to feel selfish? What does it feel like to feel like a victim? How is it moving through my body? 

As I felt into it, tears started flowing - snot too, as is the case.

This is negative ego clearing opportunity. This is the healing opportunity.

How can I keep moving forward in love? How can I forgive? How can I not hold grudges or try to punish? How can I witness that in Paul (punishing through the removal of affection/love)? 

Was it about the dishes? Because I felt he SHOULD do the dishes... he played with drones and watched TV ... I worked and cooked. But I know he doesn't want to. He didn't do the laundry. He has taken a week and a half to put his stuff away. This is VV. Nothing matters. What matters is that I am starting to believe people who have said he is taking advantage of me - not wanting to work. This is the "M.O." of the reversal or jacked up masculine who eschews responsibility, triggering the dark mother to begin her shaming and manipulation tactics which further damage him. I don't want to get into that again. I've played it over and over.... at least with Joe and Tyrone in a big way. And I'm not interested in doing it again.

Is "Do ME and let Paul BE" the way to overcome it. Just keep my eyes on me...  BUT how do I then show love and service to my beloved? Do I cook for him and clean for him and love him? It seems like it will lead to a divided heart... bitterness. That bitterness was what got me with Joe...it enslaved me so badly. I was doing because I thought I was supposed to and doing outside of my heart's will. I was so hurt and still trying to "do the right thing". It was a form of cognitive dissonance... where I 9/10:00 acted outside of accordance of how I felt. Is this kind of cognitive dissonance harmful when I am doing "good" (or perceived good) when it isn't in alignment with a hurt and bitter heart that just wanted to do NOTHING? This is the question.

This is the question for today too. How do I work with these feelings and Paul? Pretend like I'm strong and not hurt? Bring it forward to discuss with him? AUTHENTICITY is always the answer, Beloved.

I just have to let everything unfold naturally, I suppose. Try to stay aligned to my heart and feel my body and grounded into the earth and love and then just flow from there. Okay. (Easier said than done, I'm sure! But we'll try!)

10:44/9 10:48/9 9/11:43 9/11:44 12:12/9 12:13/9 12:21 12:24/9 12:34/9

God just sent me a broken Amaryllis flower... dropped off by Amazon. I thought maybe Paul sent it ... but that was a fantasy. GOD SENT IT. I don't know what to do. GOOGLE IT SILLY! 9/12:48

7:44 88:18 9/9:36 9/9:54 

Birthing the indigenous grandmother

Been a rough couple days - lots of anxiety, especially around blood and heart stuff.

Today had a beautiful transit - I'm feeling a bit rushed and not in a journaling mood but I want to record it if I can... well... maybe I can build on it later, but the short story is that I had some chest pains on my left side (and also center-right) activate, but this one was really the left side lower chest. I asked Paul if we could take a break from the couples communication relationship lesson we were listening to on Gaia and went outside. I ended up sitting on the porch in the back in the sun on a dog bed and just trying to feel into, then breathe into and with what was coming up. It turned to moaning and singing and then chanting (indigenous peoples style). What I sensed was that a grandfather was there working through me, chanting and helping birth his beloved out of the earth where she had been trapped... I chanted as him and then it merged to her - higher and higher octaves.... then many tears and spirit feeling and it was just another very profound experience that was beyond me! Such an honor and blessing. The chest pains got better pretty quickly and were gone completely within an hour or so.

Paul and I had an amazing make-out session. I love him more and more deeply. He's really struggling with mental attack to smoke and I think he may give in. I've been trying to "help him" NOT and he appreciates it but I think I have to just love him and let him make the mistakes he is going to make.

I have never felt so attracted to - my body so responsive to - a man. MY man. Partner. BELOVED. It's unbelievable. We have such a beautiful connection and we are building our relationship. 

He's very wise and has seen and called out how when I get mad I get "adversarial" (aka, enemy patterning). I look at him as an enemy. I have to stop that and stop pitting myself against him. 

We're sllllllowly getting the house put away. It's been a week and we still have tons of boxes in the living room...but it's getting done. It is what it is.

My period is here. I do need to work with the blood.

Today was the first of the AquaRose community Sunday calls and it was beautiful. The turtle/grandmother codes came through a meditation. Also it was so interesting how part of something Paul had us watch together about the spine (Something Codes) yesterday came through me and into the group energy field and into the meditation - manifested as a rose going from the bottom of our spine to the top and back down again. 

Later when I was hot and heavy with Paul I put my hands - my left on his tailbone and right on his medulla oblongata and we pulsed energy through his spine and it really moved him! I think we both need to try putting our hands on eachother's spine and creating a circuit to see what happens.

I want to learn more about my feminine energy as well. I'm drawn to this "Kim Anami's Vaginal Kung Foo" course but it's $1,100 and I can probably get the information for free with some digging... but I should.... I want to strengthen and empower my vagina!

Okay, time to snuggle with Paul and watch Monk. He loves Monk. He is like a little kid sometimes. So cute!