Been a rough couple days - lots of anxiety, especially around blood and heart stuff.
Today had a beautiful transit - I'm feeling a bit rushed and not in a journaling mood but I want to record it if I can... well... maybe I can build on it later, but the short story is that I had some chest pains on my left side (and also center-right) activate, but this one was really the left side lower chest. I asked Paul if we could take a break from the couples communication relationship lesson we were listening to on Gaia and went outside. I ended up sitting on the porch in the back in the sun on a dog bed and just trying to feel into, then breathe into and with what was coming up. It turned to moaning and singing and then chanting (indigenous peoples style). What I sensed was that a grandfather was there working through me, chanting and helping birth his beloved out of the earth where she had been trapped... I chanted as him and then it merged to her - higher and higher octaves.... then many tears and spirit feeling and it was just another very profound experience that was beyond me! Such an honor and blessing. The chest pains got better pretty quickly and were gone completely within an hour or so.
Paul and I had an amazing make-out session. I love him more and more deeply. He's really struggling with mental attack to smoke and I think he may give in. I've been trying to "help him" NOT and he appreciates it but I think I have to just love him and let him make the mistakes he is going to make.
I have never felt so attracted to - my body so responsive to - a man. MY man. Partner. BELOVED. It's unbelievable. We have such a beautiful connection and we are building our relationship.
He's very wise and has seen and called out how when I get mad I get "adversarial" (aka, enemy patterning). I look at him as an enemy. I have to stop that and stop pitting myself against him.
We're sllllllowly getting the house put away. It's been a week and we still have tons of boxes in the living room...but it's getting done. It is what it is.
My period is here. I do need to work with the blood.
Today was the first of the AquaRose community Sunday calls and it was beautiful. The turtle/grandmother codes came through a meditation. Also it was so interesting how part of something Paul had us watch together about the spine (Something Codes) yesterday came through me and into the group energy field and into the meditation - manifested as a rose going from the bottom of our spine to the top and back down again.
Later when I was hot and heavy with Paul I put my hands - my left on his tailbone and right on his medulla oblongata and we pulsed energy through his spine and it really moved him! I think we both need to try putting our hands on eachother's spine and creating a circuit to see what happens.
I want to learn more about my feminine energy as well. I'm drawn to this "Kim Anami's Vaginal Kung Foo" course but it's $1,100 and I can probably get the information for free with some digging... but I should.... I want to strengthen and empower my vagina!
Okay, time to snuggle with Paul and watch Monk. He loves Monk. He is like a little kid sometimes. So cute!
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