My brain

AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Medulla_Oblongata

I had to protect my medulla oblongata two nights ago when I was standing in my kitchen talking to Ryan and a frequency came through that felt intense and loud ... so much so that I covered the back of my skull and my third eye (though I was more focused on the bridge of my nose accidentally). 

Ryan and I are currently in a disagreement about conspiracy theories...again. He's very sensitive to it. I'm tired by it. I'm just tired. 

RBCs

Seems very important:

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/RBC_Formation

Definitely feeling like I'm dealing with some spleen, kidney, blood, and oxygen stuff lately.

ps. Things with Ryan are amazing! Super duper in love and feeling loved and grateful and working toward a life together. I need to get my health in line. 

pss. Being called back to pure carnivore, no sweets, and coffee is okay. 

Didn't post

 I haven't posted in ES for a long time... but I wanted to respond to Sarah's post about psychosis. I wrote the following and didn't post:

"Beautiful Sarah! Bless you and thank you!! So grateful that you shared your thoughts, feelings, and experience! You are amazing!!!! I can relate to so much of what you have shared and feel like I was especially wide open and in that place when I was 33 (a lonnnnng time ago... ha!) I just turned 47...but it feels like yesterday when I was floating above the earth, disconnected and watching and connecting dots like that. That was the year I got on a forum and thought that everyone there must have been schizophrenic but they were definitely my people. I have no idea what that forum was or what they were talking about but I always wondered if I had stumbled upon the old ES forum in 2011....who knows... but I didn't stay or know anything about forums back then. I digress. It's interesting when people with similar architecture to ours get together how there is a merging of energies or contagion. I am just watching it through me right now as I type. A quickening. Along with a tightening on the left side of my chest, I think. A breathlessness. I'm going through a lot right now though too... feels to be my spleen and blood clearing and maybe guts... descending colon. And then the intensity of attacks of shadows or splitter tech (looks like lots of "floaters") and EMF assault that leaves me ungrounded and I was out of my home space (in the mountains of Western NC where they just had that horrible flood/hurricane and there is much work to do there), but I picked up an SPE. Ungrounded. Anxiety attacks. But also integrations of new energies. It's a wild time for sure. 

I could relate to watching the man touch his leg and know he was touching your wounds.

Probably should stop and not post this. Thank you God for the opportunity to witness.

Why not post? Maybe not edifying to Sarah and making it about myself. But it IS interesting to watch my energy shift when interacting with hers. 

Yeah, this isn't a good idea. "

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Breathe

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=mjCziABQbVs&list=LM

Te Ke Aloha

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=suu2Brsj_gI&si=GSKpnInCxZruPnxi

Shallow

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=DPXHMBKY39M&si=OrFyygWSwWihCJIh

Lose Yourself

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=zlJ0Aj9y67c&si=h6Q-PzWGeQlXOtGA

___

dizziness, ungroundedness, anxiety, stomach pain (left side), nausea, not hungry but eating lots, vision distortions, excessive floaters, colors, 

____

suuuuper bad nausea tonight.... and stomach pain.... bad. After eating fried food and pork... yeah... might have been the pork too... and fatty crap....I need a reset. 

My Head & My Heart

 This is the name of the song that touched me just now. A techno-y song by Ava Max...but that's what I'm going through. (My last post was a song title too.)

Anyway, I need to do a brain dump and just type to myself. I've been talking and a little texting on my Journal App which has really been the main place I've been processing...but it's more like just dumping or blathering. I think I process a little better when I type. 

The Devil's Walking Stick oracle card came true... by going on the dating apps, it brought this complication in my life.... but it is leading to growth, I hope. Learning to be honest and authentic and letting the chips fall where they may.

I love Ryan.

I also feel a deep kinship that could ripen into love (and felt like love, but I was trying to be mature and not say it) with Clifford.

I have loved Ryan a long time... it was unrequited love.... and now he's had some massive awakening (a dream come true) and loves me back and is saying and seeing all the things I've longed for the whole time. And I don't trust it. But it feels really real. 

It took me a long time and lots of heartbreak and pep talks to finally let go of Ryan and move on. 

And I met a really amazing guy who I really like who has a lot going for him! The downfall is that he's still married. He has been separated since last December (but really only living in separate bedrooms during the weekends and living in a different house during the week). The divorce isn't imminent as they are waiting for each other to file. And I remembered that I was with Paul when he was still technically married (although 10+ years out of that relationship since he'd even seen or talked to her). 

___

Sorry, I got distracted. I wrote a good honest note to Ryan.
The fact is, I love Ryan. My heart lights up when I am with him. 

We need time. I need to know that what Ryan is and is offering is real. And now I've hurt him and he will need to heal from that. 

"Give time time." 

Poor Clifford though. :(
Dang devil's walking stick. 

___

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.”~Yoda

My smoke alarm strangeness was a message and from God or Guardians, etc... warning.... pay attention. 

My spleen and left side and wound of christ is part of a clearning

the EMF and ungroundedness and anxiety and stuff happening in my body is all part of what's going on right now

They are karmic patterns going around... I'm listening to the October update... I got pulled away... but these are my people and the information comforts me.

__

Ryan is being super sweet... fighting for me... it feels really real and lovely and I don't want him to have to hurt or fight. He's my guy. He IS my guy. I knew it. I knew it when I first looked at him. So many layers and veils to get beyond but we've done it. 

I need to be all in with Ryan. Period. I WANT to be all in with Ryan, period.

I'll fly with you

One of my all-time favorite songs:

https://music.youtube.com/watch?v=c3Pd7nH7Y40&si=Sthb-mb5NtuxTKYk

Am I sabotaging myself? 

My dreams come true with Ryan and I can't stop thinking about Clifford.

Fly with ME, Carissa! It's YOU! You're my love!!!

---

Ryan and I had a week and a half of magic and love and it was amazing! Thank you God! I just don't think we want the same thing.... and I want to focus on myself. I need to focus on myself and prepare for the timeline shift (which we're in the middle of). I want to cut my nails. I want to be alone. I want to cry and rest and read and love and talk to friends and do what feels right and good to me. I love Nahko Bear... this is my resonance. A man who loves animals like Ryan does, who kisses me like Clifford does, and who vibrates like Nahko.