Alone

This is what's happened... I've become "alone"... and I don't have the security of a family to protect me and I'm a woman and I'm trying to call on this toxic masculinity in myself which is reversal masculine energy to protect me or to use as my walls or to prop me up and it's not based in true security and compassion like I need.

https://youtube.com/shorts/Tr8n-qTfdgI?si=j8rGzzwUALkOkRaq

This story - this short - illustrated it for me and I'm open to abusers, to Ryan, to take advantage of me because he is the one who is supposed to be protecting me if he were operating in his role of my true partner but he's not. And a part of me probably won't let him because I won't let my guard down to be soft and vulnerable and I'm scared and lonely and want so much to be loved and I'm waiting on someone else to save me but only I can save me and I hurt. Feel the hurt sweet girl. 

I don't want to blindly follow someone else's narrative or context for my life anymore either. It taught me that things aren't as they seem and I'm not in danger and gave me community/friends...we're talking about ES. But I don't want to blindly go along with someone else's story about aliens and energies when I am meant to learn and feel for myself. 

Nature is my guide.
I can feel energies if I will stop and feel them.
Love needs to come from within...that's my SOURCE.