Friends!

I just got back from what I hope becomes my new community group/accountability group/Journey peeps/ FRIENDS!! I am so blessed to have found some potential friends who are dedicated to learning more about the Bible and God and all the goodies that go along with that!

I have to admit- I was scared to death when I went in...ok...not DEATH (that's a bit over the top, don't ya think?) - but I was def nervous. I prayed that God would be with me and help me from making too big a fool of myself. Group dynamics can stress me out if I think about it too much (so I usually don't). I have this interesting expectation (of myself) that I must put on the Carissa show... essentially I feel like it is MY responsibility to keep everyone entertained and content.  What?? Yeah- I just don't like to see anyone feeling left out...nor am I a fan of breaks in the energy of a room (which is different than a break in conversation - I can definitely appreciate a good comfortable silence (or an uncomfortable one if I am listening to God and ignoring his prompting (ha))... but I really dislike that I think that I am responsible for everyone else- especially when they are strangers. Yep- I HATE the Carissa Show. I want to be a quiet and peaceful person. I want to live my life in God's will... I want to listen to the heartbeat of a person/conversation/group/room and respond accordingly- with God's prompting and not my own. I'm gonna work on that- k?! :)

Anywhoot- the point of all this is that I DIDN'T feel any of that today and it was SOOOO wonderful!!! A relief! I thought I was going to go be in a group of hoity-toity-head-bobbers that put on a fake smile and act as if everything is all good... but NOPE- these were real people. Genuine people. People with questions and feelings and struggles that are just like mine! Do you see why I am so blessed? I've waited so long (held onto resentment so long) and put off doing my due diligence (BEGGING if I had to! haha!) to get into a group... and I am sort of glad I did because now I feel so grateful and appreciative and I will CHERISH my newfound blessing. :)


To work on:
Developing a quiet and peaceful presence.
Remembering that it's not about me.
Listening [to God AND humans] and responding with grace and love.