Cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!

I was driving home from my amazing and awesome and beautiful and touching and joyful 10 year Hollins University reunion last night... I got lost-ish/sidetracked on the way out of Roanoke, so I didn't end up leaving until 9:30. I thought I was going to fall asleep at the wheel on the way home- but instead, God and I had an AMAZING chat!!

He and I talked for a good 2 hours before my friend called to check in (and then we glorified God through our conversation for another hour!!)!

What I wanted to tell you about was one little stream of thought/conversation that God and I were having about Matthew 18:8 So if your hand or foot causes you to sin, cut it off and throw it away. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand or one foot than to be thrown into eternal fire with both of your hands and feet. <-- that sounds pretty scary. Mark 9:43 says If your hand causes you to sin, cut it off. It's better to enter eternal life with only one hand than to go into the unquenchable fires of hell with two hands."  Ooookkkkaaaaay- that's not any better. This talk of  "eternal fire" and "unquenchable fire" of hell = S-C-A-R-Y!! 

Aaaaanyway, God was talking to me about how my "stomach" (my cravings for other-than-Him (which for me often equals sugar and carbs)) needs to be cut off and thrown away!!

Side note: I didn't have my Bible open as I was driving at night on windy roads- so I didn't check this verse before going on the mental rampage that will follow. I thought it said to "cut off your hand or arm and throw it in the fire". And I'm telling you this because now in hindsight I see that it was the wrong words- pretty similar sentiment- but wrong. However, I must be true to my story, so I'll keep going with it - wrong words and all! :)

... so anyway...I found myself chanting "Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!" "Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!" "Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!"

"Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!"

I said this over and over. I was PRAISING Jesus with it! It was awesome!! As I was saying it  -"Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!" "Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!" - I saw that I was running low on gas, so I pulled into the gas station (all the while saying - out loud- "Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!" "Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!"). I got out of my car... put my credit card in the gas pump ["Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!"] and pumped gas... I don't even know how much I pumped or payed... but I was thinking: "Carissa, cut off your stomach and throw it in the fire!"- and then I said- OH- I have to go to the bathroom... let me just go inside and go....

I went into the [oh-so-fabulous] Sheetz...

Feel this: scene & mood change accompanied by some elevator music of the mind:
....and all of a sudden I found myself using the touch screen computer system to order myself a fancy frozen marshmellow flavored mocha and then while it was being prepared, I perused the aisles for something to quench my cravings....first I found watermelon sour patch kids and then a cup of fruit and then a bag of little pieces of cookie dough....

WHAT???

All I'm saying is that it's WHACKED that I was talking to God about that (being consumed by my cravings and the fact that I have to cut it off at the source) and then BLATANTLY did the opposite of what I knew I needed to do.

It's CRAZY.

I don't really understand myself, for I want to do what is right, but I don't do it. Instead, I do what I hate. (Romans 7:15)

It's crazy.
Just wanted to share.