Isaiah 60

60 Arise, shine; for thy light is come, and the glory of the Lord is risen upon thee.2 For, behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: but the Lord shall arise upon thee, and his glory shall be seen upon thee.3 And the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising.4 Lift up thine eyes round about, and see: all they gather themselves together, they come to thee: thy sons shall come from far, and thy daughters shall be nursed at thy side.5 Then thou shalt see, and flow together, and thine heart shall fear, and be enlarged; because the abundance of the sea shall be converted unto thee, the forces of the Gentiles shall come unto thee.6 The multitude of camels shall cover thee, the dromedaries of Midian and Ephah; all they from Sheba shall come: they shall bring gold and incense; and they shall shew forth the praises of the Lord.7 All the flocks of Kedar shall be gathered together unto thee, the rams of Nebaioth shall minister unto thee: they shall come up with acceptance on mine altar, and I will glorify the house of my glory.8 Who are these that fly as a cloud, and as the doves to their windows?9 Surely the isles shall wait for me, and the ships of Tarshish first, to bring thy sons from far, their silver and their gold with them, unto the name of the Lord thy God, and to the Holy One of Israel, because he hath glorified thee.10 And the sons of strangers shall build up thy walls, and their kings shall minister unto thee: for in my wrath I smote thee, but in my favour have I had mercy on thee.11 Therefore thy gates shall be open continually; they shall not be shut day nor night; that men may bring unto thee the forces of the Gentiles, and that their kings may be brought.12 For the nation and kingdom that will not serve thee shall perish; yea, those nations shall be utterly wasted.13 The glory of Lebanon shall come unto thee, the fir tree, the pine tree, and the box together, to beautify the place of my sanctuary; and I will make the place of my feet glorious.14 The sons also of them that afflicted thee shall come bending unto thee; and all they that despised thee shall bow themselves down at the soles of thy feet; and they shall call thee; The city of the Lord, The Zion of the Holy One of Israel.15 Whereas thou has been forsaken and hated, so that no man went through thee, I will make thee an eternal excellency, a joy of many generations.16 Thou shalt also suck the milk of the Gentiles, and shalt suck the breast of kings: and thou shalt know that I the Lord am thy Saviour and thy Redeemer, the mighty One of Jacob.17 For brass I will bring gold, and for iron I will bring silver, and for wood brass, and for stones iron: I will also make thy officers peace, and thine exactors righteousness.18 Violence shall no more be heard in thy land, wasting nor destruction within thy borders; but thou shalt call thy walls Salvation, and thy gates Praise.19 The sun shall be no more thy light by day; neither for brightness shall the moon give light unto thee: but the Lord shall be unto thee an everlasting light, and thy God thy glory.20 Thy sun shall no more go down; neither shall thy moon withdraw itself: for the Lord shall be thine everlasting light, and the days of thy mourning shall be ended.21 Thy people also shall be all righteous: they shall inherit the land for ever, the branch of my planting, the work of my hands, that I may be glorified.22 A little one shall become a thousand, and a small one a strong nation: I the Lordwill hasten it in his time.

_____

Message first given to me on January 26, 2010 ... I am given more and more light and understanding as I walk the path before me. Grateful, I am.

Light appears as darkness falls. The Source is our Light and shines from within. "YHVH shall be unto me an everlasting Light, and my Elohim my glory." Who is my Elohim? WE ARE? Consciousness (which is made up of the I AM of all of us = WE ARE)?

In January 2010 I experienced the beginning of my awakening, there was a breaking down, a pursuit prior to that....but it was January 2nd that I experienced a shift of soul, God poured into me and I poured out. Was it a changing of the guard? Was I given new souls?

It poured in through the top of my head - my crown chakra - and the old me poured out (I assume through my feet, or maybe through root chakra?)

We do not get other's "wealth" with a grubby greedy heart - if it is given to us, it is as a responsibility to filter back in LOVE with generosity and intentionality.

Be at peace.

Observe. 

Surrender.

Thanks be to God.

"And the gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to the brightness of thy rising" - those who are lost, who recognize the light, come to you - they are drawn as moths to a light. "they come to thee"... but THEE (I AM) is not "me" (Carissa) - I AM who I AM - One with Source. Being. When ego gets out of the way, the pure LIGHT of healing and truth may shine.

The earth is getting darker... Atlas Shrugged is showing me how we are damning ourselves. 

NO. We cannot be bitter and cast stones. Accept suffering as a tool that Yah has provided to draw us back. 

Society is damning themselves in the name of justice and freedom (when what they are asking for is actually the opposite - they/we we want handouts - more "goodies" for less effort. We are lazy, greedy, gluttonous and entitled.) 

"For behold, the darkness shall cover the earth, and gross darkness the people: But YHVH shall rise upon thee , and his glory shall be seen upon thee" - Let it be so. 

"But in my wrath I smote thee, but in my favour have I had mercy upon thee." Thank you. I deserve to be smitten - but you've given me a chance - may I surrender. LET GO OF THE THINGS OF THIS WORLD - stop CLINGING Carissa. 

1 John 2:15-17
15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him.16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.

Brain Injury

I'm trying to switch back over to the intended "Happiness Is..." and then blog about something that happiness could be....  but happiness cannot be a brain injury.

I want to write about it.. probably not now... but remind me to blather about it a bit one day. My head and back injury on September 23, 2014 (from a riding accident) changed the course of my life. PERHAPS it was designed to put me BACK on course, taking away some of my faculties... for a while maybe?

The result of that injury besides my brain not working as well as it should led to me stupidly giving up the best job I ever had, having a nervous breakdown, and my husband leaving me.

I was unbearable, but the meds they tried to give me poisoned me.

There was so much trauma.
Did this cause my body to start holding on to heavy metals or was it happening before?
I worked in a dentist office for about a year in 2001 - with mercury floating through the air.
My brain seemed to work well at The Hartford.
I had my first panic attack in 2007 though...and made another stupid decision to leave The Hartford at the end of that year.
I was struggling with mental health then.
Did I have schitzoaffective disorder then? I had so many diagnosis... bi-polar was the big one that has followed me for over 20 years. Anxiety has ruled me since 2007. OCD - I realize my thinking is part of that - I think SOOOOO much. Too much. I was handed some sort of "general depression disorder" or something (along with psychosis) when I went to the mental hospital...but that was all after my head injury.

I couldn't continue to take care of Tyrone. I NEEDED to be taken care of. I needed compassion, patience, understanding... but instead he was trying to kill me by setting off my panic attacks and pushing me until I died. I was in sympathetic dominance.

I don't have anything but an unbalanced biology. Nutritional Balancing can and is healing me. I need to care for my body, my temple, my vessel and follow it to a "T"... but I don't. I still fall into the addiction cycle - I'm so addicted to sugar (and things that turn into it like wheat and grains).

God is giving me the opportunity to return. He's given me the key. Why do I choose harm instead of health?

He's trying to wake me up. I choose wrong. Is it my flesh? My ego? My pain body? It's trying to kill me.

I AM.
WE ARE.
Don't you see. We're all one - all parts of The SOURCE of BEING, the WAY, TRUTH, LIGHT.

I hit my head a LOT when I snowboarded in high school and college (I broke my back snowboarding in 1996 and that was the end of it, but for 5 years, I mashed my head on ice OFTEN.) Did I give myself head injuries then?

Did I smoke some bad pot that killed me? (That one time in high school in my bedroom when I went down to hell (I called it), but really I went through a portal in the bench through the floor (in my mind).

I'm grateful to be alive.

Start working on extending the life of the vessel. Make the most of this trip.

Thanks be to God (I AM) for bringing me along. Please don't give up on me. [Don't give up on your self!] <-- who said that? I MUST give up on my "self", but not my "Deep I". Be a channel, a vessel for Light and Love. You cannot be when you defile yourself with toxic poison garbage.

Trust and obey.
Rest like a bird in her nest.
Be at peace.
Shalom.

...putting to death the flesh

I mean... I actually want to keep my flesh ALIVE. I have a slightly awakened understanding about my avatar... my temple... my flesh ... my meat sack (as Tim quoted once - ha)!

Today in the shower I was pondering the responsibility I have to care for my machinery... it's like a car. We get oil changes for the car and take care of it so it will last (or one should). We need to do the same thing for our bodies.

Our body is a temple for the holy spirit - is this God's spirit or mine, or where they meet and have intercourse? And perhaps what is borne of the union is the Light of the world?

I AM.

I loved this man (Tyler Small)'s post today in the Eckhart Tolle School of Awakening. I thought it was a good summary:

"If you're still on the spiritual search, please read this as I think it will help some of you.
About seven years ago, I experienced a brief awakening, which lasted about three months. During this time, I didn't think much; however, I did have thoughts that perhaps I had become enlightened. After the three months, I slowly fell back into thought. Looking back, it appeared that my consciousness was simply not ready to recognize itself - and that is what awakening is, simply consciousness recognizing itself.
What I was left with after my initial awakening was an ability to easily access the sense of I AM, or "Deep I" as Eckhart calls it. I always knew that there was something special about this sense, yet I always took it for granted. It was only until recently, as I began listening to more spiritual masters, that I realized... this sense of I AM IS God. It is Being, the Self, Presence, Stillness, Emptiness, Completeness, Awareness and all the other words spiritual teachers use. This sense of I AM is what we all are looking for. And the beautiful thing is, most of us can access it already - even in this very group.
The sense I AM is not a hard sense to become aware of. It is simply that part of you which is aware of itself, or it could be said that it is the part of you that is "looking out." Some spiritual masters point towards I AM by asking their students "Who are you?" This answer cannot be found on the level of the mind. It requires you to sit for a moment and really get in touch of that part of yourself that recognizes its own awareness. As one spiritual teacher pointed out, you can be aware of a flower, and you can be aware of your shoes, but what does it feel like to be aware of awareness itself?
The sense of I AM is not somewhere in the mind, nor is it somewhere deep inside you. It is in fact you - it is simply the feeling of Being, here and now. That is the secret. And when you find this, you stay with it. That is all that's required. You don't have to sit in meditation to feel Being - you can feel it while you walk, and you can feel it while you type. At first, your mind will put up a lot of resistance around the sense of I AM, and it will trick you by playing games. You may even experience headaches or other bodily pains. The good news is, it's not hard to beat the ego because you don't have to do anything special - you just have to continue practicing staying with the sense of I AM.
If you're still having trouble accessing the sense of I AM, or Being, you can try this exercise. Lay down, close your eyes, and simply state "I" on the in breath, and "am" on the out breath. Keep repeating these words, until the sense of your own Self becomes apparent to you. Alternatively, you can close your eyes and ask yourself "who am I?" or "Who is the one who is looking out?" Don't over complicate this feeling. It is not some magical feeling, it is simply the feeling of your own existence.
So when the ego comes at you and starts making you feel bad, or doubtful, or any other word you can conceive of, all you have to do is simply continue remaining with the sense of I AM, continue asking "who am I" and noticing that, continue becoming aware of the awareness itself - which is the real you. It is all the same. And gradually, your ego will stop being resistant, and you will develop a peace of mind. Things will stop bothering you so much because you need an ego for things to bother you. Then, you will start to feel joy and peace and all the other benefits the spiritual masters talk about. But don't get hung up waiting for this to happen. If you have been unconscious for most of your life, there will be a certain part of you that remains unconscious even after you "wake up" or realize the Self. But gradually, as Eckhart put it in the power of now, the emotional wheel will stop spinning and peace will follow.
Despite having an intuition that this was the way, not long ago I would not have posted this. I simply didn't have enough "spiritual evidence" to be convinced that it was this simple. But I am confident enough now to say that this is the way - and this is what all spiritual teachers are pointing towards.
I wish you all peace and love, and I hope that this post helps you realize the simplicity of who you are, here and now in this moment. "<3"

"

I also re-loved this song on the radio coming back from Wendy's birthday dinner at The Laughing Owl yesterday.

...following your heart

Happiness is following your heart, even if it takes you to "death".

Fear of death is a topic that I've been trying to observe and address in myself for years. I have read a few books on it such as "On Death and Dying" by Elizabeth Kubler-Ross and "When Breath Becomes Air" by Paul Kalanithi - both were very good.

I've watched some documentaries - can't remember names now - but these past few years I've found some courage within to look at death (a little).

A few months ago I saw an invitation for a "Death Midwife" (or some such name about midwives and death ... helping people through their transition. It was a weekend series/class offered at Earthaven (which I've never been to yet, but am interested in living there) and I reallllly wanted to go, but Michael said "NO". (Of course - ha! It costs money and he is also trying to protect me from all the things I want to do. Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad. I'm not sure in this case yet... I suspect it just isn't my time.)

Anyway last week(ish) I saw another mention of this "death midwife" thing... maybe another class offered somewhere... I think I saw it in an email, I can't remember. Anyway, I think there's something to it.

I wanted to be a chaplain for a while ... but then I realized that I don't have one "religion" or an understanding even that I can hang my hat on, and it would require school and doctrine, so I gave that idea up. HOWEVER, all those "titles" which will only feed my ego are unimportant. I can be the presence of LOVE and acceptance just as I am where I am. My ego is always trying to stretch for something ... and it stretches me from the truth which is BEING.

I'm finally beginning to understand. Just BE HERE NOW. BE LOVE NOW. That's all.

A couple months ago I felt like I should maybe explore volunteering at hospice. I can't remember if it came to me in prayer, meditation, thought, or dream - but it was something I felt interested in looking into. When I asked Michael about it he put the kabash on it! DARN!

Today when I was driving to town to get something, I was feeling very present. I stopped at the BoJangles of death (gross food <--fake "food", toxic poison), but I was sooooooo hungry and wanted an egg and cheese biscuit. I decided to eat there instead of eating on the run like usual, so I sat down and observed all the people around me (and it was crowded)! There were tables of old people eating together. I felt very present and very peaceful and was grateful to be there in that moment.

After getting our groceries at Walmart I had to drive to the mailbox and realized I would drive by the Hospice House. I just connected with this stream within me and followed it right up to the door and in to Anita where I spoke with her about volunteering. I filled out an application and we'll see what comes of it.

I THINK this is where God wants me to learn next. My next class.

I saw something in the Eckhart Tolle SOA (School of Awakening) Facebook comments where someone suggested to someone else that they should volunteer while they were looking for a job... that stuck to me too.... and Tim and my Mom have said it in the last many years a couple times too...

I just think it's a thing... the thing... that I should be doing.... and maybe I can learn to be at peace - in the moment - with death. I want to observe and be a force or channel of Love, Light, and acceptance of what is. We are all going to die. It's part of life, perhaps the greatest part, an opening into a new life and world. I don't know, but I want to stop fearing it and instead, love it.

...denial of the Self

Deny thy self.

Today I remembered the sexual encounter with a pin of light that occurred in the summer of 2011.

May my thought fade away and consciousness shine through.

May I be a vessel ... a channel for the Source (possibly called Christ or Christ-consciousness or Buddha nature or Anointing or LOVE)...to witness and interact with this world of form.

Love, not fear. Perfect love casts out all fear.

I create.
I create "reality"... be careful of my thoughts, they are powerful (and gaining power). Possibly dark forces/ego wants me cling to this, so I have to be careful, but an example is the other day I was thinking that we could easily lock our keys in the car. This hasn't happened in many (10?) years but I thought it last week and it happened to Michael a few days later.

Be a channel of LIFE and LOVE and HEALING and HOPE. Think that which is good and lovely and pure.

I am so grateful for the resources God has given me this season:
Eckhart Tolle & Kim Eng: School of Awakening
The Way of Mastery - Shanti Christo Foundation
Dr. Larry Wilson
Energetic Synthesis
MICHAEL DIDIER and the OPPORTUNITY to LEARN TO SERVE, to deny my selfishness and laziness and to BE LOVE NOW to him. To bring joy into his precious life. Life is fleeting and I fear losing him (and Rue)... but you see... FEAR is poison and these thoughts are traps... possibly illusions, but possibly power, so I must TAKE CAPTIVE MY THOUGHTS and bring them into submission to Christ.

Peace be with you.
Give. Love. Serve.
I am - We are.
I am Christ. I am God. I AM. (A vessel, channel for the LIGHT of the world. Carissa is not these things, Carissa is flesh.)

Be at peace.
Be patient.
All things will unfold as they should.

Pray.... envision... the pure white Light (which is made up of all colors radiating through this perfectly white light) pouring down through my head, soaking my energy field and body with it's perfect radiance and goodness. Seeping into each cell as it engulfs my body from head to toe... purifying, anointing, cleansing, re-starting refreshing rejuvenating my soul. I envision this for Tyrone and for Michael and for Rue and for Moses and Sioux and the Cheekins too!

Perfect love casts out all fear.
Everything unfolds as it will.
God's will be done. May my will align with His.

Next, surrender gluttony... attachment to food as a source of escape. NO! It is not be effort, but by surrender into the Now and seeing the beauty of Life as it IS. The ISNESS of life leads to perfect peace where substitutions by substances (especially toxic ones!) are not necessary.

Consume spiritual food that nourishes the body and soul and quiets the mind.

Peace be with you.