Brain Injury

I'm trying to switch back over to the intended "Happiness Is..." and then blog about something that happiness could be....  but happiness cannot be a brain injury.

I want to write about it.. probably not now... but remind me to blather about it a bit one day. My head and back injury on September 23, 2014 (from a riding accident) changed the course of my life. PERHAPS it was designed to put me BACK on course, taking away some of my faculties... for a while maybe?

The result of that injury besides my brain not working as well as it should led to me stupidly giving up the best job I ever had, having a nervous breakdown, and my husband leaving me.

I was unbearable, but the meds they tried to give me poisoned me.

There was so much trauma.
Did this cause my body to start holding on to heavy metals or was it happening before?
I worked in a dentist office for about a year in 2001 - with mercury floating through the air.
My brain seemed to work well at The Hartford.
I had my first panic attack in 2007 though...and made another stupid decision to leave The Hartford at the end of that year.
I was struggling with mental health then.
Did I have schitzoaffective disorder then? I had so many diagnosis... bi-polar was the big one that has followed me for over 20 years. Anxiety has ruled me since 2007. OCD - I realize my thinking is part of that - I think SOOOOO much. Too much. I was handed some sort of "general depression disorder" or something (along with psychosis) when I went to the mental hospital...but that was all after my head injury.

I couldn't continue to take care of Tyrone. I NEEDED to be taken care of. I needed compassion, patience, understanding... but instead he was trying to kill me by setting off my panic attacks and pushing me until I died. I was in sympathetic dominance.

I don't have anything but an unbalanced biology. Nutritional Balancing can and is healing me. I need to care for my body, my temple, my vessel and follow it to a "T"... but I don't. I still fall into the addiction cycle - I'm so addicted to sugar (and things that turn into it like wheat and grains).

God is giving me the opportunity to return. He's given me the key. Why do I choose harm instead of health?

He's trying to wake me up. I choose wrong. Is it my flesh? My ego? My pain body? It's trying to kill me.

I AM.
WE ARE.
Don't you see. We're all one - all parts of The SOURCE of BEING, the WAY, TRUTH, LIGHT.

I hit my head a LOT when I snowboarded in high school and college (I broke my back snowboarding in 1996 and that was the end of it, but for 5 years, I mashed my head on ice OFTEN.) Did I give myself head injuries then?

Did I smoke some bad pot that killed me? (That one time in high school in my bedroom when I went down to hell (I called it), but really I went through a portal in the bench through the floor (in my mind).

I'm grateful to be alive.

Start working on extending the life of the vessel. Make the most of this trip.

Thanks be to God (I AM) for bringing me along. Please don't give up on me. [Don't give up on your self!] <-- who said that? I MUST give up on my "self", but not my "Deep I". Be a channel, a vessel for Light and Love. You cannot be when you defile yourself with toxic poison garbage.

Trust and obey.
Rest like a bird in her nest.
Be at peace.
Shalom.