Dear Charlotte,
Here is my email summary in preparation for our appointment next Thursday, June 30th.
I’m a little early, but I feel like I can just go ahead and send this now… everything is always changing so that’s the only thing constant. Everything will be different by the time we meet. Ascension symptoms have been quite challenging this year and especially this past month or two. Right now it feels like my whole body is being accosted. My legs - especially the backs of them - are super sore out of no where. My hips seem to be being reformatted - they are kind of closing together instead of opening. Feeling like I’m stuck… like I have a brokenness that isn’t letting me grow. Is this a breakdown/deformation in 8D? My back hurt a ton last week, shoulders the week before. My left ear has been driving me crazy - mostly clogged and maybe retracing an ear infection for a week or two. The right one has had discomfort a few times, but it’s mostly left. I bumped the top of my head really hard a few days ago - crown chakra adjustment? My sinuses, eyes, teeth, and gums are all going through it. Headaches (though that may have been related to PMS - got my period on the solstice), dizziness, disorientation, and confusion. Emotional confusion and ups and downs. Diarrhea and nausea a few times. Skin - itching and burns and discoloration and the poor dogs have been tearing themselves up from itching. Different organs have been pinging me. Liver and spleen and gallbladder and bladder and kidneys and lungs and heart. Heart activations - chest pains - transits. I have had a couple “transit heavy” days. Just lots and lots of deep and strong belching. Had a few days of good cries. I need more. Much to be transmuted. Worked with my beloved Paul and an obsidian yoni egg a couple weeks ago which seems to have brought up wounds and memories… they are on the periphery and even though I was able to address them for that moment, they may have slipped back again. Sexual misery - forced to give blowjobs in a basement - my basement? Especially lots of 444 clearings - astral plane and 222/444. Lots of 12:13 13:12 12:12 13:13 and 12:24. 1:44 Krystic… 12:34 moving forward…. Lots of 11:11 1:11 need for grounding and observing and clearing - red wave influences, victim-victimizer, and pain body (which is more 2:22, I believe).
Paul’s and my relationship provides a ton of opportunity to surface and observe miasma and to ultimately transmute it by choosing unity and love. There is so much work on many layers - the most obvious ones being the 3D and responsibilities, and then the 2D emotional plains with both of us having so much stored trauma and fracturing. Spiritually we continue to be very close in our higher selves who we can tuck into - I am most satisfied and comforted when there are no words and we just hold each other tete-a-tete, heart-to-heart. Our hearts are just cracked open - there is much more opening needed.
Communication is a challenge. I often use too many words and usually as a tool to manipulate. He doesn’t communicate much at all and feels judged by me (like he can’t do anything right). My “demons” DO perpetuate this - chronic dissatisfaction. Negativity. I did the bondage loops meditation a week or two ago and feel that every single one of those demonic spirits are in me. (Anger, hate, unforgiveness, rage, fear, guilt, shame, self-hatred, insecurity, lack of safety, addiction, fear of death, serves corruption, compulsion, anti-Christ/narcissism/selfishness, bondage, divination, death, jealousy, lying, deceit, deduction, charisma, glamour/false worship, unfaithfulness, betrayal, prostitution of the soul, materialism, chronic dissatisfaction, sexual energy abuse, gluttony.)
Dreaming lots about what feels like Alaska and/or Siberia. Snow and little planes. (Writing this on the 23rd so maybe it will change - been going on a week or more.)
Paul has what appears to be some sort of tortured or demonic wolf spirit in him that I see very clearly when he is climaxing. I’m sorry if this is too much information, but from the first time we were together I noticed it. I mean, you can’t miss it. He almost literally turns into a werewolf for that minute or so when he is releasing his sperm. He looks and sounds like one. I don’t know what it means, but lately it’s looked even more desperate and angry and I’m not sure what to make of it. I have just been loving and praying for it/him during that time - trying to infuse the spirit of Christ and also shielding Paul and I both.
What are the main things I want to focus on?
Clearing attachments and strengthening my vessel. Supporting my body. I have been eating poorly - gluttonously - since Paul got here in December. I felt like I had really taken many steps back, but it may have just been to join with him and together we are working on building wings. I get lots of monadic codes still like we are working with that. I fell out of the level of neutrality that I HAD and am working toward it again. I feel that it is a good sign that I’ve started burping/clearing/transiting in that way again. I’m feeling more like myself. I am recommitted to eating to support my vessel. I used sugar and carbs to create energy to process what I was working with, as well as to numb all that I was feeling.
There’s a lot of dense miasma in Paul and I and it’s just going to take time but I want to support my body to the best of my ability. I appreciate yours and Guardian support to make sure I am getting the right supplements.
Are we having a “changing of the guard” of guardian teams? Did my teams leave and am I getting new ones?
I only did about one coffee enema every 2 weeks (or more) until this past week and I’ve done 3 so far. I was convinced by someone I follow that our bodies need it desperately right now. I’m going through so much in my body that I thought it was worth a try. Prior to the coffee enemas, my bowels were quite regular and lovely. I take 2 probiotics a day (one women’s one and one for everyone) and I think that helps too.
Oh! I have had 5 months of candida hell!! I had to use one of those yeast infection suppositories every month and it still didn’t help. I don’t know what changed but this month I didn’t get that horrible influx of yeast and burning infection. I have been using a wash for a couple months so maybe that kicked in? I really need to do a candida cleanse - I’m just chicken because if I take a half-dose of one of those pills, it makes me so sick and headachey…I’m infested.
So. I need to take better care of my body. This is the lesson that is UP. And maybe I’m learning it for real this time. Please. I hope.
Sleep has been off and on. I mean, it’s hard to say whether it’s poor or not. I can sleep for an hour and a half and feel like I’ve slept 10 hours and I feel good. I wake up lots - 5-6 times a night usually. Sometimes I’m up for a couple hours. One day I was really mad about it - resisting insomnia, and that wasn’t good. I think I get woken to take note of particular times, or to go outside and ping some particular stars. It’s surreal. Many intense dreams. Feels like I dream about many people and am connected to many people and projects. Last night we looped in Paul’s daughter who seems to be quite powerful.
My emotions are all over the place. The 3 days-week before my period are rough - lots of anxiety which leads to short-fuse and confusion. Not good. I may be dumping copper.
Left lung and heart crucifixion implant.
I’ve had too much going on - too much to personally integrate - to participate in the ES or OmniLov3 forums this year. For financial reasons I had to let OmniLov3 go this month until something changes, but it did open up some energetic freedom to go on the ESF forum a couple times which I think is good…but also can kick up dust, especially negative ego dust if I post. I just go on to the Gathering page and get my quote, affirmation, suggested, and glossary pick daily. I listen to meditations through the night and if I can, I do during the day.
— next day (24th) —
Had a pretty significant integration yesterday. A Matt Kahn documentary provided triggers for an hour’s worth of tears and snot and then I had a few hours of having to feel into the pain and allow the “heart attack”... asking for God’s support and etheric surgery. Felt at least one big swooping (that whooshing whirling thing) that came to cleanse and open and work with and heal my heart chakra and complex and nadial body (or is it radial?). I had something like this happen before in December 2019 and it feels like the pain was more in my right side heart center then. If I remember correctly it was around dusk when I had what felt like that “heart attack” too. (These weren’t heart attacks of course. They are heart activations but they sure feel like attacks.) Last night’s also happened at dusk or just after and the pain was on my left side heart center. Wondering how the earth’s electro-magnetism and the solstices play into this?
After the cry and before the healing I went out to hold myself in the sun and saw blue and green ray beam of light with me - felt holy father and holy mother were there. The meditations that I was called to during the heart opening were also very much about seeing the light of holy father and holy mother (I’m adding “unity”) healing my body.
Just now my AG pick directed me to the “Holographic Repatterning of Tower of Babel Implants” (May 2019).
Paul’s daughter wrote to me today with some horrible stories of abuse by him… not sexual, but very traumatic for her and I feel that I am supposed to be holding space in love for he and his family to heal if they choose that. I had intense dreams - working with his daughter (Felicity) the other night, the night she opened communication a little. I’ve shed so many tears that were not mine and held and transited so much energy since connecting with Paul last October. Within the first week that we started talking, I realized I was “holding” some really heavy densities for and with him and it felt otherworldly and to be an honor (and also a little scary). The information today - the depth of darkness - is a bit of a wake up call and my negative ego is trying to get in the game to judge here, but I need to just allow everything to unfold on it’s own. I just need to anchor love and service and kindness and compassion. Compassion is my service.”Help is the sunny side of control.” And I must remember that too - to just be a neutral and compassionate witness for All.
So that is a high level overview of some of what I’m working with and I sure am looking forward to some God and Guardian love through Charlotte. Because of our financial situation (primarily- which I guess is based on my manifestation situation, or lack thereof), I don’t have the means or transportation to call on any additional help like I have been getting. I used to have a session with you each month as well as a massage and chiropractic+frequency support and now I’m being challenged to do it on my own, which is good and inspires (requires) me to pick myself up by the bootstraps…. but oh my…. I’m reallllllllly grateful that next week I get to spend a couple hours with you. So… I’ll see you then! Let me know if you have any questions.
Oh, my supplements and homeopathy are all the same! The only thing that’s not on your list is the sunflower lecithin I sometimes take for my nerves and I’m trying to take collagen in pill form but I only take 4 of the 6 pills a day. I’ll attach an image of my supplement list and ordering list (where I’m trying to get a handle on the cost…I’ve dropped quality on some of them such as fish oil…I used to take Nordic Naturals but now I’m taking something cheaper from the local pharmacy. I thought this would allow you to see the brand I’m using).
Much love to you. I’m sure you are going through it too - moreso probably. I’m whining about holding space for one family - you’re holding space for the whole earth!!! (Okay, we both are doing that… but you are holding space for all these people too … holding space for the space holders! Whoo! Thank you!!) Take good care of yourself and we’ll talk soon!
Love,
Carissa
Ps. EMF has been nutty lately, aye? 5G hell? I tried a shielding blanket but that made it worse for me. Something about it drawing or trapping energies around the edges? That was 6 months ago so I’m ready to try something else. We watched a couple earthing documentaries and Paul ordered a grounding mat for our bed that we are going to try - should be here tomorrow. The BlueShield device you told me about seems to really help though. I like it a lot.
