Here are some notes from Ireland. Let me also say that Ryan and I have been getting along very well lately... since his therapy... and saying we are "committed" but not boyfriend/girlfriend. Whatever. Weird. But we've been playing well together.
Monday, April 29
Iceland
Tasty Icelandic bakery - best cookie for me, worst tiny coffee for Ryan, found and touched fresh warm Lava from current active volcano, Blue Lagoon - what a treat! 3 healing masks, 2 fancy drinks - soaking in geothermal heated sea water filled with silica, minerals, and algae - play and meditation in water, tried steam room and sauna too. Just great all around! Then saw the Bridge Between Continents where European and North American tectonic plates meet, stopped in Reykajevek to find a tiny waterfall and walked a little in the downtown area and ate at a cute restaurant, Snaps. Also got food to go from Malai Thai in Keflavik to take back to our cabin out on the peninsula. I explored the beach at sunset- had gorgeous birds and lava rocks - wow! We briefly hot tubbed under the stars looking for aurora borealis (didn’t find it - too light), slept for 4 hours then up to get flight to Ireland.
Instagram post:
Tuesday, April 30
Flew into Dublin, picked up our rental car. Too big! A Ford Yuga or something. Ryan and I had to work through some differences but we got off by close to 2pm I think.
EPIC Heritage center, Ryan got a coffee at Starbucks 🙄
Walked around the heart of Dublin, along River Tiffey, in Temple Bar area, to Trinity College and around all there. So many kids came up to try to sell Ryan coke! 😱 We went to Celtic Nights for a traditional Irish dinner (lamb stew for Ryan and salmon for me) and entertainment (clog dancing and Irish folk band), had loving evening at Bloom Hotel and to bed around midnight.
Instagram post:
🇮🇪Day 1: Dublin. 1/2 day, really. Went to EPIC to look into Genealogy tracing, explored Temple Bar area and Trinity College. Went to a fantastic Irish dinner and show. Tasty traditional fare (rich vegetable purée soup and Irish bread, tender lamb stew, succulent salmon, Guinness mousse & Bailey’s cheesecake) accompanied by superb entertainment (folk musicians and clog dancers)! A fantastic start to our Ireland adventure! Also, I want to say again that I can’t imagine a better travel partner. We have so much fun! (And he sure is doing an amazing job driving- my head is spinning with the driving on the left side of the road thing, but Ryan is a natural!) We are staying in the heart of Dublin at the Bloom Hotel, surrounded by cobblestone and culture! What a joy! (And now I’ve got to get some sleep - we are heading out early tomorrow to start our drive around the whole Island! 🏁🍀)
Wednesday- May 1, it’s Beltane in Ireland!
What a day! So lovely to wake up with Ryan. We tidied up and checked out of Bloom and walked to the car. Ryan found a great bronze of someone he respected - an author - Faust or someone? And he wanted STARBUCKS again, ahhhh! I can’t get him to go to an Irish coffee shop- he’s been traumatized by the tiny Icelandic Americanas. Ha! Anyway, he made friends with the barista and got some fancy vanilla sweet cream for his 2 Venti Americanas. He was happy! And I tried one of their hazelnut crossant-muffins. Ryan had a brookie. We sat for a few minutes overlooking the River Liffey in Dublin before heading out.
We passed the Guinness factory on our way out.
Our first stop (after pulling ourselves together from the awe and beauty that is Ireland) was Glendalough - there was an old monastery, ruins, graveyards, tower - all suuuuuper old and suuuuper cool!
We went on a long walk to see the 2 mountain lakes and a waterfall. Had a latte & hot chocolate pit stop along the way. We took a wrong turn somehow while hiking and ended up off the beaten path… okay…off the path completely… and had to climb a wire fence to get back to civilization! It was a grand and beautiful adventure! We laughed and played and explored. Loved it!
Stopped at a wool store - such beautiful garments. Held off from getting anything yet.
On our way to the Rock of Cashel we got a flat tire! Blew out completely! Ryan drove expertly and pulled in to a driveway and off the tiny, skinny, back road where people were speeding by and he changed the tire like a champ! Moved the good back wheel to the front left (which was blown), and put a donut on the back.
It took some finagling and many many calls but we were able to take the car to a town in Kildare for a new tyre. (That’s how they spell it here.) They got us in and out super fast but we still didn’t make it to the Rock of Cashel before they closed. Ryan tried to bribe the gate lady with $100 euro and she still wouldn’t let us in 15 minutes late. She told us a little about the property and we walked around the whole castle and grounds for an hour or so. We picked up garbage and tried to pet sheep. I got stung by some stinging nettle and we climbed over barbed wire. It was a day filled with adventure!!
Next we went on to Cork and ate the most incredible gourmet meal at Galligan’s! Sooo good! I had another glass of wine (I’m turning into a lush) and we shared some fancy appetizers, quinoa and something and couli and avocado something and cauliflower bang bang or something… yum! And Ryan had their house beef stew that was SO great under a puff pastry crust and perfect chips! I had the fish stew which was out of this world with garlic mash crust. And Ryan had a chocolate brownie fancy fancy dessert and I had the PB&J fancier dessert with edible flowers and honeycomb- OMG. The best!
Then we drove the rest of the way to our cottage. Got here a little after 10pm. Too late!
We finally made it to Kilbrittain where we are staying in a cottage built in 1780 in this old fishing village in the South of Ireland! Quaint, cozy, adorable, thoughtful, Kate made fresh bread and jam and butter!
Wednesday- May 1, Beltane!
What a day! So lovely to wake up with Ryan. We tidied up and checked out of Bloom and walked to the car. Ryan found a great bronze of someone he respected - an author - Faust or someone? And he wanted STARBUCKS again, ahhhh! I can’t get him to go to an Irish coffee shop- he’s been traumatized by the tiny Icelandic Americanas. Ha! Anyway, he made friends with the barista and got some fancy vanilla sweet cream for his 2 Venti Americanas. He was happy! And I tried one of their hazelnut crossant-muffins. Ryan had a brookie. We sat for a few minutes overlooking the River Liffey in Dublin before heading out.
We passed the Guinness factory on our way out.
Our first stop (after pulling ourselves together from the awe and beauty that is Ireland) was Glendalough - there was an old monastery, ruins, graveyards, tower - all suuuuuper old and suuuuper cool!
We went on a long walk to see the 2 mountain lakes and a waterfall. Had a latte & hot chocolate pit stop along the way. We took a wrong turn somehow while hiking and ended up off the beaten path… okay…off the path completely… and had to climb a wire fence to get back to civilization! It was a grand and beautiful adventure! We laughed and played and explored. Loved it!
Stopped at a wool store - such beautiful garments. Held off from getting anything yet.
On our way to the Rock of Cashel we got a flat tire! Blew out completely! Ryan drove expertly and pulled in to a driveway and off the tiny, skinny, back road where people were speeding by and he changed the tire like a champ! Moved the good back wheel to the front left (which was blown), and put a donut on the back.
It took some finagling and many many calls but we were able to take the car to a town in Kildare for a new tyre. (That’s how they spell it here.) They got us in and out super fast but we still didn’t make it to the Rock of Cashel before they closed. Ryan tried to bribe the gate lady with $100 euro and she still wouldn’t let us in 15 minutes late. She told us a little about the property and we walked around the whole castle and grounds for an hour or so. We picked up garbage and tried to pet sheep. I got stung by some stinging nettle and we climbed over barbed wire. It was a day filled with adventure!!
Next we went on to Cork and ate the most incredible gourmet meal at Galligan’s! Sooo good! I had another glass of wine (I’m turning into a lush) and we shared some fancy appetizers, quinoa and something and couli and avocado something and cauliflower bang bang or something… yum! And Ryan had their house beef stew that was SO great under a puff pastry crust and perfect chips! I had the fish stew which was out of this world with garlic mash crust. And Ryan had a chocolate brownie fancy fancy dessert and I had the PB&J fancier dessert with edible flowers and honeycomb- OMG. The best!
Then we drove the rest of the way to our cottage. Got here a little after 10pm. Too late!
We finally made it to Kilbrittain where we are staying in a cottage built in 1780 in this old fishing village in the South of Ireland! Quaint, cozy, adorable, thoughtful, Kate made fresh bread and jam and butter!
Day 4, May 2, Thursday
Woke up in the perfect cabin and had homemade bread and raspberry jam with fresh butter, care of our host.
What an extraordinary experience! We were so fortunate to have the opportunity to stay in Kate’s 18th century cottage- what a treat!Quaint, cozy, perfectly decorated…one for the books! Had a comfortable bed, so many thoughtful amenities (including fresh-cut flowers and homemade bread and jam!), great communication… just a lovely experience from booking to check-out!
Day 3, May 2
Started at Kilbrittain Casino Cottage & sea shore
Drove to Killarney town for some coffee, shopping, fish & chips, Ryan bought me a wool sweater, hat, and claddagh ring, we got a parking ticket
Ring of Kerry & Killarney National Park - Torc Waterfall, Ladies View lookout, old castle (trespassing), and other lookouts
I drove on left side of the road most of the day, a good 4+ hours….one car wide backroads for much of it
Tarbert Ferry
Made it to Cliffs of Moher with time to spare but we were fogged out!
Made it to Doolin airBNB, walked around some and explored old ruin cabins, saw the Cliffs of Moher from the pier/lower area (far in the distance, are at McGann’s pub - their house stew, brown bread, and dessert! (The first pub we went to had stopped serving food - it was 9:30om). McGann’s had live Irish music and was so good and warm and lovely.
I’m suuuuuper tired. We laughed, argued, shopped, played, explored. I’m happy to be here with Ryan.
Day 5, May 3, Friday
Carissa was sick in the morning- tummy issues, pukey feeling and diarrhea - really spoiled the joy and fun at Cliffs of Moher, but we got to go/see it! (Clearing black magic?)
Visited Galaway and ate at McDonoughs (supposedly the best for fish and chips… it was alright. I liked the restaurant in Cork best)! Walked around - super cute, BIG city/town.
Went to County Mayo… Ryan’s family’s home County. Tried to go to Rottweiler rescue there but it was closed.
On to Kilronan Castle - got in late, around 6,
Super fancy! Bellhop brought in our luggage, we had a tour of the castle, our room is lovely - shower AND soaking tub! We made reservations for dinner and for the spa tomorrow (massages and therapy spa), and we went to swim in the pool, soak in the hot tub, steam room, and sauna. So nice!
Dinner was an absolute treat! We were under the impression that the restaurant had a Michelin star, but apparently not yet. It will one day - the food was fantastic!
We had the 8-course tasting menu and it was incredible! So gourmet! A 2.5hr dining experience! Will share photo of menu - I’ve never eaten like that before, and neither has Ryan. Wow!
I wish we could get along. When we are both relaxed, we have so much fun together. But he thinks it’s okay to speak so rudely and disrespectfully to me - to swear and call me names and insult me. He doesn’t cherish me .
Day 6, Saturday, May 4
Kilronan Castle - Full English breakfast (tried boxty, yum, and black & white pudding, not yum, beef liver pate and blood pate)
Kilronan Spa - massages and thermal spa
Carrowmore Megalithic Cemetery
Donegal - shopping and Blueberry Tea Room
Slieve League - fogged out
Silver Strand - beach and cliffs
AirBNB - hosted by Margaret and Paul and Jack and Scruffy
Frozen pizza from Aldi
Our stay at Margaret & Paul’s fantastic cottage was perfect! What a comfortable, lovely, memorable spot! So close to Slieve Liag, Silver Strand, there is a megalithic cemetery pretty much across the road too!
With a view of the ocean, sheep grazing right out your window, this place is something special! Margaret herself was so hospitable and kind and welcomed us with Fresh made shortbread cookies and Guinness sunflower bread with fresh butter and milk! Wow!
Day 7: May 5
Sliab Liag/ Slieve League
Dunluce castle
Carrick-a-Rede rope bridge which Ryan found “fairly unremarkable” (I thought it was amazing!)
The Giant’s Causeway
The Dark Hedges
BallyGally Castle
Walked SO much!! (Close to 10 miles maybe - most uphill
Had a strange (especially service) dinner at hotel.
Walked on beach, touched Irish Ocean water. Explored grounds in dark, explored ghost room, took shower together- I washed Ryan and then he found a reason to get mad at me so he didn’t have to return the favor. Same thing as always with him.
Ryan is not well - very rude, outbursts, swearing at me, trying to damage me… Didn’t care about me having to go to bathroom, just pushed me in shower, insulting me every chance he gets,
Revelation today:
I will marry the hearts of Viking/Nordic and Celtic/Irish - merge and heal the tree of life/lives/loves
I AM
Also decided and saw how Ryan treats me - this is not an acceptable relationship. I want to be with someone who is kind and cares about me and is attracted to me and wants to have joy, peace, and growth and adventure together. This trip to Ireland is exactly what was meant to be.
Ryan turned the TV on so loud and I asked him to turn it down and he said “shut the fuck up” - that’s how he always talks to me. He doesn’t know how to treat a woman, or a friend or a person. I am done.
Day 7, May 6, Monday
Beach walk - Irish Sea, Ballygally, Irish breakfast at castle - walked in gardens and looked at nature
Belfast, Peace Wall, Belfast Cathedral, Maile the barista telling us about “the troubles”
Bru Na Bonne megalithic cemetery UNESCO site - saw it, no tour
Hill of Tara
Had tix for Book of Kells but it was closed due to picketers
Watched rally and walked around Dublin
To Clayton hotel
To mall to find luggage - Dunnes store at Swords Pavillion (pavilion is a mall)
To airport to drop car
_____
So… it’s over. Ryan just threw me to the side in bed in the hotel … this is a castle… and I knew it was over and told him it was and he said it has been for months. He has the tv blasting. He swore at me more … always swearing and insulting me. He got his feelings hurt after insulting me and telling me to put conditioner all over my hair and I told him that wasn’t going to listen to a boy with problems- he was pushy and violent and last time he made me put soap in my coochie and eventually figured out that he was wrong. He has such pride and arrogance problems. He freaked out earlier because I tried to tell him how to use the panorama function on his phone. He’s blasting a cartoon - family guy type thing. Anyway, I’m done. He was checking out some lady today and then thought I was jealous of that. I am jealous regularly and he lies and blames me and I am done. I see all these couples where the man wants to hold the woman’s hand and walk with her - he purposely tries not to walk with me. He doesn’t like me for me and takes every opportunity to insult, make fun of, hurt, be rude and sarcastic to … he thinks that’s fun. He doesn’t know how to treat a woman. And I am tired. I keep bending to try to appease him and build him up and make him happy because when he’s happy, I can be at peace and we have so much fun, but he’s bipolar and got a huge pain body and is always “triggered”. He’s grown and I pray that he will continue to and that he will find happiness. He obviously wants a different kind of girl- and I want a different kind of man. One who is kind, who is strong and secure and can hold space for me. The last couple days, when I’ve been weak, he’s kicked me when I’m down. I was sick with terrible diarrhea and nausea and he insulted and threatened me and made fun of me. And today I was tearing up because I had to go to the bathroom too and he didn’t want to stop for me - it was just me feeling into how he DOESN’T care about my needs or feelings, and he said “what? You want pity?” Which wasn’t what I was doing. I was just hurting. And I can’t bring up anything that he doesn’t want to hear up… he won’t talk to me about my feelings or our relationship… which is no more as of 5/5/2024 in Northern Ireland. I turned my claddagh ring around and he saw it and said something rude but I ignored it. I’m waiting for him to turn the TV off. Anyway… breathe. I love you. This was divinely inspired and I will be love.
I love you Carissa
I love you Ryan and I am going to let you go.
Never wanted to snuggle me
Never wanted to kiss me
Insulted the way I looked, smelled, dressed, thought, spoke, and everything I did
Not a good person. He is on the inside- can be - but mostly IS so damaged that he has to damage those who love him most. His mom, sister, and me.
Bless him and may he find peace and love and happiness… but I can’t waste anyone time or heart. This isn’t going the direction I want - toward love and healing. He’s fake, a liar, a cheater and not interested in growing.
____
Monday May 6
Dreams of Ayla and her daughter and more
He’s a “boy with problems” is actually a pretty good summary (and the statement I made last night in the shower that set him off. I was talking about his shower prowess - his preening for hours at a time and his lack of understanding about a woman’s body’s needs. But in general - he’s a boy with problems.
His carelessness - smoking me out of the car when I hate it and can’t breathe - it’s disgusting- he’s disgusting.
He’s rude and sarcastic and insulting and spends his energy trying to tear me down while I try to build him up. We don’t mutually care about one another- I care about him and he likes it. He doesn’t love me or see me or want the best for me. He is only having his own experience and I am a player in it, not one he wants to merge in with. He calls me crazy and doesn’t listen. He mumbles and gets mad at ME for not understanding.
So he said he doesn’t fucking care about my feelings or thoughts - and he meant it. No feeling or care. I can tell.
He admitted to “punishing me” by not letting him see his phone.
He is just playing the game to get through the last couple days. He kicked my bag and threw it and yelled profanity at me and scathingly spoke to me - ridiculed and cruelly behaved at me. Putting on the full victimizer hat. How can I disengage my heart? I must. Just “do me”. And come back to my own heart and love for myself. This is what we are here for. To feel through these energies and emotions and I love you brave girl.
—-
At peace wall, I felt the power of love and peace in the wall when I touched it.
Ryan was mean and cruel and rude and left me- walked down the road - yelled at, swore at me
I am not a victim.
Take my power back
Travel home day
He’s making us late and yelling at me to get the fuck away from him. Get my type a personality away - swearing and
He wouldn’t wake up in time and took his time and wouldn’t walk with coffee and … he’s just not of the same mindset and does t care about anyone else - running late and doesn’t care and is mean when stressed
