Crumbs

 

Grateful to see this on Kelly Brogan's page while listening to Teal Swan interview which was so good and aligned and reminding me of what my soul is working on and observing in my life around. I have a similar story to both of those ladies (Kelly & Teal) - although they've made something of themselves - but I am loving listening to these themes and remembering where I came from. What a journey! 

Today I am looking for a therapist too so remembering that experience of diagnoses, medications, therapies, etc. What a different life I am having now, not walking through that sludge. This is probably why I look more youthful to people... my "indigo contract" really is getting close to ending, maybe?? Please?

I stalked/looked at Tyrone's facebook page today. He does NOT look good. I have sent him messages to apologize and share my love. He chooses bitterness and I hate it for him, but have to trust God's beautiful plan for my life. It's been a good life... a rich life... an exciting life...

Yesternight I had a breakthrough love fest with myself/ME and it felt so lovely. This is the lesson and I need to revel in it!

Ryan isn't happy and well - he wouldn't know how to be a good partner to me - he's not honest with himself...he is... actually he is to the best of his ability, but I was reminded through a conversation with Munir about what "being saved" looks like - how it absolutely changes us immediately and from the inside out. Munir is an Israeli Arab (I think is how you say it), but a born again Christian.

I loved my search of religion and all the wonderful experiences there...  and I loved my search for truth and "sanity" and all my wonderful experiences there.... what a life! I am now very much searching for love and the exploring the human relationship - how much it can take, I guess, and how it works... I mean, I've been doing this all along. Polarity integrator is such a great word. What a life! And Ryan is hateful about it, but his soul is working on something too. This is so cool! Life! Thank you God!

I am becoming better, stronger, and more pure. I pray, anyway. 

Not wanting to be stupid by sticking in a toxic situation, but also wanting to have faith and believe that Ryan could have one of those heart-openings. I get glimpses. And I wait for crumbs. Which this blog is about...how I wait for crumbs when I'm starving for love... but don't I see? It's MY love I'm waiting for...starving for... I can meet my own love needs and it's amazing... I'm the only one. The earth relationships can have other benefits and joys, but first I need to fill the God-shaped whole in my heart with my own God-love! And I can do that! So do! I love you sweet thang!!