Ice Cream Repentance

"So pay attention to how you hear. To those who listen to my teaching, more understanding will be given. But for those who are not listening, even what they think they understand will be taken away from them. " ~ Jesus

For realz.

That's from Luke 8:18, by the way. And God showed it to me today... REMINDING ME to LISTEN....and to pay attention to how I hear. I need to hear with my whole heart. I need to hear in the Spirit and in Truth. I need to hear > listen > respond.

hear > listen > respond

hear > listen > respond I say as I swallow a mouthful of chocolate peanut butter ice cream. God said that food - sugar - separates me from Him. He says that it consumes me. He says that it HURTS ME and my relationship with Him (the ONLY relationship that matters) yet I am stiiiiiillllll pushing my luck- I am doing it as a means of torture to myself- hurting myself- eating garbage until I hurt. I am sick. I can't control it and, Carissa, that's the point. YOU can't control it!!! ONLY GOD can. GIVE IT TO HIM!! Give it to Him again. Yes. Surrender AGAIN. Do it now.

Wow. God is talking to me and I am preparing to ignore Him. I still want to take another bite. It's OBVIOUS to me that HE is with me RIGHT NOW telling me not to take another bite. To trust Him. To REPENT and TURN from my sin (Remember it is a sin to know what you ought to do and then not do it. James 4:17).

Okay. I turned.

Whoa. "You choose to obey or you choose to disobey." <--I just tuned into my roommate reading to her 3 year old daughter and teaching her this. Perfect timing. God is awesome.

I CHOOSE TO OBEY!!!
I choose to repent. (Acts 3:19)
I choose to turn from my sin and turn toward JESUS- the author and perfecter of my faith! (Heb 12:2)
I choose to ward off temptation through PRAYER! (Luke 22:46, Eph 6:18)
I choose to LISTEN. (Luke 8:18)

I do not want my understanding to be taken from me. Understanding is life. I must be able to know, hear, understand, communicate through the WORD of the LORD. AHHHHHH!!!

WHY am I so DAFT??? All we like sheep have gone astray!! (Isaiah 53:6)  UGH!!!

By the way, I know that I was just talking about this two days ago, but I went away for the weekend for my mom's 60th birthday party and while I was there I saw Nehemiah 8:10 which I used to excuse myself for gluttony. Nehemiah 8:10 says ..."Go and celebrate with a feast of rich foods and sweet drinks..."  - So I did it. And I was wrong. Satan used scripture to twist me up (again)- I see that He tries to do that often (Matt 4:6)) - and I fell for it! UGH! The rest of Nehemiah 8:10 (which I see only NOW because I'm looking at it again) talks about sharing with people who don't have anything prepared and not to feel dejected and sad etc....)....anyway... it was NOT saying "Carissa, please willfully sin and do as you please for a few days... PLEASE jump off the cliff of sin for a few days...no problem Carissa... you do as you please...."... UGH UGH UGH!

Father, please protect me from myself. Lord, you are SO FAITHFUL and WONDERFUL and LOVING! You gave me an AMAZING weekend away! You filled my heart with awestruck wonder at Your Creation and the blessings you have bestowed upon me. Thank you for my family. Thank you for the miracle of life and relationships and people. Thank you for walks in the woods. Thank you for mountains and vibrantly colored autumn leaves! Thank you for the most expansive and mind-blowing night sky and for sharing it with ME. Oh, God, I'm sorry that I make everything about me. I'm sorry that I'm so selfish. I'm sorry that I feel entitled to...everything. I'm sorry I'm so wasteful with your stuff. I'm sorry that I sinned. Lord, I sinned BADLY. I thank you for graciously pulling me back. YOU have GRACE. You ARE GRACE. Thank you for Jesus. Thank you for the lashings you took for ME. I am sorry - there are no words (or earthy emotion) that can comprehend what you did for me and I'm sorry that this weekend I spit in your face. I sinned willfully and took You and what you did for me for granted. But you are so FAITHFUL. You are still here by my side LOVING ME. Teaching me. Guiding me into truth. You have me in the Bible and in prayer and you've taken the ice cream from my hands and you hold me now. Thank you for always holding me. Lord I am undeserving and too numb (and human) to be sufficiently grateful. Teach me to be grateful. Teach me not to take you for granted. Teach me not to be selfish. Break me of my pride and self-sufficiency and sin. I want to be lost in You forever and ever. Amen.

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