Safety

I posted some of this in the forum... actually, I only posted the first two paragraphs... the rest is for me....but Lisa's response to someone else really spoke to me in what I wrote as well. A real miracle!


Dear Lisa ... well... first, Dear Mishka, I am so sorry to hear that you don't have a safe and supportive space to soak in the ES teachings and for the discomfort you are feeling as a result. May the answers you are looking for be revealed to you and may you experience divine unflappable peace that opens your heart and energy bodies to wisdom and direction into greater awareness of what is being unveiled for you at this time! Bless you beloved one.

Dear Lisa, THANK YOU for this timely thread chock full of items I am grappling with. I am not sure I'm a safe person myself. I'm just not. I have layers of dissonance in my own emotional (and energy?) bodies and can't really even trust myself to tell the truth to myself. Even when I think I'm being authentic, there is a layer of ego there that is trying to skim something off the top.


For me:

Real life application: I've been having a really hard time with my sister who I love so much and who is so much like me. As I'm walking along the path, some of my own growth opportunities have revealed themselves to me - and often it's through first seeing it in others that I am able to recognize it in myself.  I am trying to look at it as a gift - a chance to practice. But tomorrow I am supposed to go to my sister's for dinner and I am so nervous. I want to be a force of love. I know she is in so much deep pain but her lack of vulnerability and attack tactics are very hard to bear. I need to shed my own fear in order to stand strong enough - to be solid and not a wobbly layered weak ball of moosh OR a critical judgemental attacker (in mind or out loud).  I recognize the twisty, manipulative, controlling, guilt-mongering ... all of which I blindly did myself... and I know that deep down it comes from a place of insecurity and lack of self love. I just need to keep the faith and keep my heart and mind open to the movement of CHRIST/LOVE and stay out of the victim/victimizer control drama. That's all - ha!

I think our... my... lack of being safe comes from not knowing who I really am and maybe that either allows lots of entities or personalities or souls to be a part of me? I don't know. My husband jokingly (or not) has given me the nickname "Everybody" because there seem to be many of me. More and more I am connected to the wiser parts of myself but I've got some crazies running the show now and then. This dissonance and layered feeling that leaves me feeling divided and/or insecure and unstable is getting old. I suspect that as I continue with ES materials it will resolve as I AM able to sink into the security of embodiment and comfort of knowing I am working toward fulfilling my purpose.

So anyway, I'm so grateful for the all the support in this thread! It's really helpful as I try to address the grievances that keep bubbling up in my awareness for release. Some takeaways are to remain compassionate and keep my focus on myself instead of trying to fix my sister or others, realizing that we are all on our own path and respecting the process others are going through. Focus on being a safe container for consciousness to expand and move through me - I feel strongly this is dependant on improving my discernment skills. Knowing I'm not required to respond to ....anything.... especially attack tactics. 

I hope this made sense. I have so much to say and am torn between talking too much and not enough. You said you want us to share and I know vulnerability leads to growth. I don't know why I have such a hard time communicating here - I think I give it too much weight - you are all so important to me and I want to say what I think would be fruitful or interesting to you.... maybe what I perceive you want to hear.... or what I want you to hear ....or what I want to learn and WANT to be true rather than what may actually be true in this moment (which is really all a blur anyway). Manipulation. Ugh! Well, as you may have discerned, I'm a newbie and have much to learn (and gobs of negative ego to address/release ... and lots of attachments and a part of me is the devil or negative Christ or whatever... just a bunch of yuck.... but I'm staying shielded and learning and so grateful to be here for healing! Thanks for bearing with me!

I AM GSF!
Love,
Carissa