Break

Note to Ryan after yet another evening of discord. (He says he won't trust me with his phone because he says that I apparently don't trust him to tell him about my traumatic "pornographic image that is seared into my brain that Corie helped me by praying over me". This feels (a.) not true and an excuse, (b.) a way to "punish" me, and ...again, not true.

I am writing:

You are NOT trustworthy.

You ridicule me for my thoughts, feelings, and experiences as often as you can.

You don’t protect my heart, you stab and push and try to damage it further. 

You are selfish and self-centered. 

You are not on my side. You hate me, just like you hate yourself. (When what both of us need is LOVE.) When you learn to love yourself, maybe you'll recognize my love for you and have the capacity to treat it with the reverence it deserves. 

I am taking a break from you. I know we are going to Ireland in a week and a half. I intend to have a nice time. We travel well together and I like being with you. Hopefully you will choose to make it a positive experience for both of us as well. 

But for now, I need a break. We both need rest. 

___

And it's 11:11 (I sent that at 10:59, but just looked up after copying what I could from Telegram and saw that 11:11... very much what I'm experiencing.)

This weekend I need to:

Pack for Ireland
Get crystals to take with me - quartz points

While there, get some souvenirs for loved ones (family and work... and Michael of course...he is taking care of my beloveds)! And I want to get a claddagh ring for myself. 

How will I share photos?