Wednesday, July 31, 2024

Perfect AG Pick

 Thank you God! Right on time!

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Discovering_the_Core_in_Relationship

Discovering the Core in Relationship

This time greatly impacts the macrocosm to microcosm reflection of our relationship to our true God Parents, and distinguishing the difference between the False Parent and the Holy Parent. This will pressure us to transform our relationship foundation to redefine its core, especially in marriages, unions and living together. For this reason, those in marriages or unions may have a harrowing time finding reconciliation and Compassionate ways to resolve any relationship issues as it must evolve to a higher spiritual purpose or complete its cycle.

Every relationship we have is designed for spiritual development, and especially now at the time of ascension humanity is extremely impacted by the changes that have occurred to the male-female dynamic as it connects to our personal growth.

Most people are unaware that many relationships on planet today are directly attracted by the spirit self in order to resolve past ancestral-family patterns, clear blockages, and integrate forces of polarity. All relationships are directly designed for personal growth and consciousness expansion. Without an evolutionary context towards relationships, one is left confused and potentially manipulated by unresolved personal pain. When we can recognize the fear program driving the core foundation in our relationships, we can refuse its control over our personal sovereignty as eternal soul beings. To address the fear is to make sure we keep our heart open for unconditional loving kindness, acting in service to the other, yet maintaining our boundaries for self-love and self-respect. Our goal is to move beyond old painful patterns that have defined our relationships, in the past or present.

First, this is an important time to identify and address the core reasons and beliefs that attracted your current relationship partner or previous relationships. We want to clear the core foundation of relationship attachments or beliefs that have been based on lower root chakra needs; survival, sex, money, glamour, mommy or daddy issues (False Parent), fantasy delusions or material convenience.

Once we can see where we have projected our issues on our relationships, our partner or lack thereof, then we must accept responsibility and seek to change our behavior in the relationship connections immediately.


Resolving Fears of Intimacy

To evolve relationships and achieve spiritually healthy, loving and deeply intimate connection, one must be willing to look honestly at one's personal capacity to be unconditionally loving, forgiving and to genuinely be of service to your partner, even if its inconvenient. One can address the defining foundation of relationships and note where fear, denial or pain has shut your heart down. Then make changes consciously to not let fear or pain close your heart down when communicating or facing issues. What prevents relationships from evolving is lack of transparency and generally communication blocks formed from deep fears of intimacy or vulnerability. Deep fears of intimacy are what completely shut down the emotional capability to experience deeper forms of loving intimacy and connection in every kind of relationship. Until we heal fears of intimacy /vulnerability, and we are willing to learn how to communicate loving kindness intimately with our partner, while acting transparently, we will not experience deep intimate bonds. We must rid ourselves of all judgment, facade and manipulation in the scope of relationships and intimate relating.

Take steps to clear and heal your emotional state when you recognize inner pain, or inner violence directed towards relationships, yourself or partner. Inquire on the nature and source of the pain, fear or anger. It is this unresolved pain and fear that block hearts from deeply connecting. Even if we realize our relationship is complete, we can evolve the relationship to a higher expression of mutual love and acceptance. This attracts the easiest transition to elevate our selves to the correct frequency match. Continue to develop skillsets to clear relationship based pain and fear, and improve communication skills and lifestyle habits that support intimate sharing with your partner.

The possibility of consciously evolving our relationships into bonds of loving-kindness starts with us, and our own personal level of emotional availability and our capacity to be intimate and access deep feelings. We must learn accurate assessment, trustworthiness, and not project fantasies and delusions on prospective or current relationships, which generally end in sexual misery and have disastrous consequences for our children and families. Making some inquiry into our relationship patterns at this time may be helpful to gain deeper clarity.


Is there any pain or resentment that you hold in relationship? Are you willing to accept responsibility for your feelings and forgive the pain, past and present?

What kind of relationship/s do you want? What has defined your intimate relationships? Can you accept responsibility for the state of your relationship/s now?

What brings you closer to your intimate partner, what pushes you away?

Are you aware of your intimate partner's likes or dislikes? What builds intimate connection in your relationship with them?

Do you feel loved by your partner and is your partner feeling loved by you? How can you improve loving feelings?

What time and energy are you willing to put into developing loving kindness and intimacy in this relationship?

How might you make them aware of your interest in building greater loving connection on a number of levels?

Has this relationship served its full purpose and is it complete now? Are you willing to know this? Can you release it fully without blaming anyone?

Can you focus on bringing lower sexual drives up into your heart and crown to connect heart to heart, expressing loving kindness during intimacy?


Krystic Guidelines

In having greater clarity about what has defined relationships that have previously not been based on loving kindness, service and spiritual development, we can clarify new ways to affirm our dedication to our spiritual principles. When we dedicate the practice of the Law of One to our relationships or to ourselves, we shift current relationships or attract the aligned spiritual mate for us at this time. Some guidelines for the Service to Others and Mastering Love in our relationships:

The inspiration to serve, love and give to your partner's spiritual development/ personal mission, health, happiness and wellbeing is a natural expression that emanates from selfless giving and sustained nourishment.

Emotional issues or energetic conflicts are calmly and accurately represented devoid of emotional drama, blame or exaggeration. Both parties are willing to communicate and willing to forgive and let it go.

Peace, harmony, friendship and nourishment in a comfortable setting, is the energetic quality and deeply intimate feeling of these relationships. Any type of verbal, mental, emotional, or physical abuse is nonexistent. Partners speak to others about their spouse in kind loving ways.

Interactions and communications between partners is maintained with mutual respect, honor and transparency. There is nothing that is intentionally hidden, deceived, contrived or manipulated. If it is subconscious, it will surface and both parties will gently recognize "it", then establish the guidelines to bring that subconscious material into conscious awareness and emotional reconciliation. Ambiguity and confusion is identified as a weakness and is directly dissolved with the mutual desire to communicate and develop consistent energetic clarity.

Expectations are not present. Expectation is replaced with Appreciation. There is natural energetic flow of balance in which both parties assume active-passive exchanges, which are ever evolving and changing to suit the environmental needs. There is no such thing as harping on your partner, because each one shares the responsibility to keep the mutual space comfortable and peaceful. Both partners feel acknowledged and appreciated for their part.

Mystery, seduction, charisma and deceiving behaviors do not have a place in the transparency of a Krystic relationship. Intimate bonding is stemming from unconditional love based on a mutually clear, open, honest assessment of circumstances and of both partners. Fantasy projections, overly romanticized ideals, addictions, hero/damsel in distress, savior/martyr (mostly fictionalized from Victim archetypes), and sexual vampires have no place in this relationship.

These are new relationship templates being created on this planet, and they take an advanced skillset in clearing Negative Ego and Pain Body before this can be effortlessly experienced and achieved. It is important to realize this kind of clarity and bond in a loving relationship can be experienced, and honor the relationships that we have had in our lifetime. Every relationship is an opportunity to gain self-energetic mastery and self-knowledge and is an important stepping-stone to spiritual consciousness development that leads to inner Energetic Balance and then outer sacred union (Hieros Gamos).

Embrace these changes if they occur, as they are divine interventions to protect your heart and soul to unite with your true spiritual purpose. This action is sourced in spiritual freedom and love.[1]

Thursday, July 25, 2024

It's the way he talks to me

 ...not okay.

Yelling. Blaming. Shaming. Twisting. Turning everything against me as though I am bad. 

Today it was raining and I thought he would not be working this afternoon so I got his agreement to get tickets for the first day of Deadpool vs. Wolverine...thinking it would be fun. We agreed to see how the day went. No big deal. But then he called me up hours later angry that I had put this on him. Victim mentality. Saying I was willful and pushing my will on him and blah blah, I'm evil and bad...blah blah. 

I'm over it. Yesterday he came over at 9:30pm. He didn't have time for me until then. He hasn't had the decency to respond to my verbal and written requests around use of my car (since Saturday)... he used my credit card to buy something for his boss/work and got snippy and sarcastic and rude when I asked him to pay it back ("of course I'm going to pay it back! Do you really think you have to verbalize that out loud and ask me?" blahblah)...

HE's abrasive.

I want peaceful and loving and good friends that care about me and that we can care about each other and the world. I want male and female friends. I AM feeling ready to be done. Ready to be single. Ready to be at peace. 

I AM at peace. I AM happy and well-adjusted and patient and kind. Ryan's view of me is skewed because his lens is HIS lens which has a brand name of "victim mentality" and "poverty consciousness". This is MY lesson to learn to value myself enough to put my foot down and say that I don't want to be around that. There's nothing worth it... I appreciate him looking out for me when he feels like it - breadcrumbs of attention, but usually it's insults. Yesterday I told him I was interested in maybe auditioning at the Smithfield Little Theatre and he gffawed and said I'm so attention-seeking. He just isn't for me. Let him delete Telegram and cut me off from the gate code. Let him do what he wants. I need to move on. I'll do therapy alone. And lick my wounds and care for my own heart. 

Read my book.

Heal. Pray. Explore alone. Do ME. 

----

Ag pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Metatronic_Repair



Wednesday, July 24, 2024

non-attachment

 Great quote. I need to put this into action in my life...especially with Ryan:

"The greatest generosity is non-attachment." ~Atisha (11th century Tibetan Buddhist master)

Ag pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/RBC

The dang "Gemini" - Google's Ai - says:

Your body needs iron and other nutrients to produce healthy red blood cells. You can support red blood cell production by:

Eating a balanced diet

Foods that contain iron, vitamins B12 and B9, vitamin C, vitamin A, and copper can help boost red blood cell production. Good sources of iron include red meat, egg yolks, liver, tofu, and iron-fortified foods like cereal, flour, and bread. Other foods that contain vitamins B12 and B9 include meat, poultry, shellfish, eggs, fortified breakfast cereals, and dairy products. Folate is found in fortified cereals, dried beans and lentils, orange juice, and green leafy vegetables.

Taking dietary supplements

You can also take supplements to provide your body with the nutrients it needs.

Getting enough sleep

Aim for 7-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night to support optimal blood cell regeneration. Lack of sleep has been scientifically linked to high blood pressure, weight gain, and elevated stress hormones.

Reducing alcohol intake

Increasing exercise levels and reducing alcohol intake may also help.

Okay. I've been thinking I need to eat some organ meat and eggs... I think that's what's going on. Interesting.

Monday, July 22, 2024

M.O. = RUN

My "Modus Operandi" is to RUN. When the going gets tough, the tough (thickheaded/hearted) get going. It's getting real with Ryan... my honeymoon phase is wearing off. I'm getting tired of waiting for him to come around. I get these glimpses... the first 3 weeks of our relationship was heaven. Last week or maybe it was 2 weeks ago now, we had another window of beauty. I felt loved, accepted, and safe. But that's not the norm. The norm is strife. The norm is me compromising my own happiness and comfort - offering it, instead, to Ryan...hoping that it will infuse his life with life-giving energy that will activate him into his higher timeline/potential.

Why don't I infuse my energy into myself to activate MY higher potential?

Partially, I egotistically think I'm already there in some aspects. This is a trick and lie. I have so far to go. I have not learned to listen to my own heart and prioritize my needs. I have not learned to protect and care for my sweet inner child... I have not attained peace, love, and harmony in all my relationships or the comforts I would like in this world (free-flowing currency in order to work less... though I don't work much, I just have to be away from home, which is honestly in my favor... interaction with other people helps me to grow...it's a good challenge.... but I want to be able to travel on a whim and go where I'd like. I'd like to have a handiman and animal caretaker I can trust.)

I used to want to sleep/snuggle with a loved one...but maybe I'm enjoying my own space. It would be nice for us both to have our own bedrooms but snuggle when we want. But definitely want to live together. Our own rooms is nice. My meditation space and self-care space. Important stuff for me. But chores together. Cooking and eating and cleaning together. 

I want to be FAMILY to my partner. 
Ryan just isn't there. And he is not a good partner. Sometimes and some aspects he is. But I get overly excited because he picked up a couple piles of Sioux poop. I do that every day... take care of all my animals. I want help...a partner... I'm celebrating crumbs. 

So am I running or just seeing clearly? Corie's warning about committing to someone who you know doesn't love you the way you need... it's sinking in. (She's talking about Jerry, and Jerry, to me, seems so great... a good partner, provider, man, etc.) Ryan is not that... not a good partner, definitely not a good provider. He's a good man...has a good heart, buried beneath trauma which he has to want to unbury or heal which he says he doesn't. He is really hard. But when he's not, he's the best ever! My favorite friend. I have peace sitting next to him. I want to go eat and go to the movies and go on walks and explore and talk with him. But maybe there is someone else out there that I'll feel that for and that will feel it with me and that will want to work toward a relationship with me. But first I need to take time to invest in myself.

Ryan is a good friend and playmate. He is, indeed, "damaged goods". I don't mind that so much because we all are. But he hurts me with his lusting after other women, short-fuse and egostudded attacks, and his lack of investment in me or my desires and needs. It's so clear...but I keep fighting myself in hopes that I can believe, hope, and love it into existence. Maybe I can.

I need to read the affirmations every day. And believe.

____

Just talked to Ryan who expressed that he loved me when we were getting off the phone. And he expressed that he wanted to be my compassionate witness that would hear my heart - that I could share my feelings and challenges with. (I long to hear this. I wish it were true. It could become true. Right now I don't feel that it's safe to share my feelings with him.)

I want:
Safety - to be a mess and make mistakes and know we'll work through it
Commitment and a movement toward closeness and sharing lives. To be Ryan's family....cherished the way he cherishes his cats
To have the space I need to keep growing and changing and acceptance for the fact that I will always change and never be perfect

___

I'd like to express:

That it hurts me to know that the man I am putting effort into building a relationship with unabashedly lusts after other women...and with the walmart experience, the duck/hide to get an eyeful of someone else was strange and confusing.

To know your thoughts on borrowing my car for work. Asking for you to uphold your end of the bargain in taking care of it, providing it for my use once a week to take my trash, and asking for a small "lease" fee ($100mo) doesn't feel exorbitant to me. I intended it to be generous - thinking that I am helping you keep the miles off your car (and putting a LOT on mine. It's likely you will drive mine to death.) And I'm sharing that with you to benefit and support you. The $100 a month will help pay for insurance ($509.22), registration, and taxes (around $200) and any left over will help me pay toward my other car.

I want us to live together. We can have our own bedroom and space, but I want us to be able to come "home" to each other. 

I want us to be family.

I want to poop or get off the pot.

I will never be perfect. I'm a work in progress (and so are you). I want to be works in progress together. If that doesn't work... if we have to "arrive" before we start, that's not going to work for me.

I want to be held and snuggled and pet and cared for.

I don't want to be berated or mocked or put down. 
I want to be seen and respected, mess and all.
I want grace. 

___

Ryan still owes me $600 for the Lowes gift certificate that Braden gave me for the dishwasher. Don't forget.

I want to go to the movies and Carrabbas with him on a date this coming weekend. We also have therapy at 4:30. 

___

The other day I said to myself that I wished Ryan respected me. He doesn't respect me.
The very next day (yesterday?) he brought it up on his own - identified that he didn't show me respect.

Can these things above be addressed that way too? Hold it in my own consciousness and allow it to filter through to him and back to me that way, or do I have a responsibility to speak it out loud and try to shift it? Isn't that forceful? Is that controlling? Is that "trying to get my way"?


Saturday, July 20, 2024

ESF Daily

"Love is the only freedom in the world because it so elevates the Spirit that laws of humanity do not alter its course." ~Khalil Gibran

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Law_of_Pairs_of_Opposites





Thursday, July 18, 2024

I don't care

Perhaps I was deeply impacted by listening to Eminem's new album this morning...some of it...but I think I was primed. I was talking with my boys (Moses & Sunshine) this morning on our walk about this a bit as well....

basically I am feeling the need to not care anymore...is it a trick of the mind or a call of my heart? I don't want to care. I don't care isn't true, but I want to not care. I want to just say whatever the heck I want... I want to really get to know myself and my true feelings and stop holding back in order to be nice. I don't want to be nice anymore. These people hurt me. It hurts me when Ryan looks at porn and oogles other women and yesterday the hiding component of it, the ducking down and pretending to be looking at a candy so he could get another eyeful of a lady at walmart...it was just weird and it hurt me and I pretended it was okay and laugh it off, but it's not okay. It's never okay...and the swearing at me isn't okay and the shaming isn't okay and I just am ready to tuck into my own nest and hole up and lick my wounds. Why do I want to do this when we finally have help and Ryan is making strides and now I'm feeling ready to feel my feelings? I don't like his poverty consciousness. I don't want to live small. I want to explore the world, I want to work and play hard. I like doing chores together. I don't like wasting my time and life waiting for Ryan to smoke or sit or whatever. I should DO ME and just let Ryan do him...let him BE. I feel such hope for his soul and our potential when he is interested in questions about God. But I want to ask bigger ones. But I'm not. I'm right where I AM. And that's okay. If I took some steps backwards, it's okay. This is part of my path that I'm carving, blazing, but I want an exciting one with lookouts and waterfalls and cool refreshing air and streams and my best friends with me. I'm sad. I feel sad. And it's okay. I do care. But I want to be able to speak freely. I want to let myself feel my own truth and know it and express it. I don't want to be nice anymore. 

Wednesday, July 3, 2024

Message

AG Pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Collecting_Holographic_Records

Collecting Holographic Records

The result of collecting vibrational data throughout the Universal timelines of holographic record is designed to section and re-route Collective Consciousness that have been accumulating in group Reality Bubbles, Frequency Hubs and negative future timelines. Thus, there has been a gathering period of holographic data record in the collective consciousness field of the earth since 2012 to feed back into the Transtime Continuum. Many of us have been doing this data collection providing the framework for the ascending consciousness pathways during sleep state. The bifurcation amplifies polarities of positive and negative force considerably, and the result of the amplification is measured in weighted frequency average. This measurement is what directs the earthly kingdom and all of her inhabitants to the frequency space, the dimensional law, that is most aligned for that individual to continue evolution and spiritual development as a part of its group consciousness frequency.[1]

____

What message do I get from this? Definitely feeling SEEN by God/the Universe. Themes I've been trying to reach for. 

Gathering data to feed back to transtime continuum
bifurcation and frequency reminding me that Ryan is not choosing the same path or wavelength that I am. He blames me, but ultimately it's both of our choices... his choice for him and mine for me. I want to choose love. But I've gone too far down into the pit... I'm starting to get burned and I'm maybe making it worse for him... pushing him further... my being triggers him. My "light" triggers him? But whatever it is, it makes him worse and not better. He used to be moving toward gratitude...and maybe it's better... he's got a better relationship with his family and building his own business and talking about trying to get up earlier and not waste as much time and talking about quitting smoking ... anyway, we can keep growing individually and as friends. I pray I can be a source of love for him... but I can't keep allowing the toxic and backwards and abusive treatment and words... his black magic casting spells over me - I do not consent. I am not psycho or any of the ugly words he calls me. I have a good heart and have loved him and taken interest in him and done the best I could. I can't be perfect, but I'm beautiful in my mess. 

Ramsey reminds me of who I AM. 
This is most important in terms of who WE ARE.

Thanks be to God.

Le'Anna gave her blessing in my exploration of feelings and future with Ramsey. I like his name. I am intimidated. But I see how it could be a symbiotic relationship. So we'll see. 


____

Holy crap! I just went to AG to reference what's happening to cause the MADNESS that just went down here. (Physical drama/abuse... me jumping on Ryan's car as he tried to run me over (he could have if he really tried)... and he threw me on the ground, wrestling me... maybe hitting me... I'm hurting. It was bad.). 

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Boomerang_Effect_of_Rebounding_Black_Magic

I burped and felt black magic moving through ... still need to read this, but definitely feeling this. THANK YOU GOD!!!

I love Ryan. We love each other. But this is so SO toxic. And being together makes it worse. I don't want to want Ramsey or anyone. I need to go inward and want ME. This is my priority.