In response to someone's post asking for others' experience with the walk-in process. I think I talk too much about myself... I need to learn to listen more and respond to their experience instead of just rattling off mine. Anyway, I posted something like "Thank you for this thread - it's so interesting learning about others' experience"... and then it posted! So this is my second post:
Well shoot! I don’t know how that happened…I thought I hit the “return” button to go to a new line but somehow it posted! Maybe I’m not supposed to write about my experience?? What is going on here? I don’t have anything super-profound to share… well… let’s try…
It took me 10 years to even understand that my “walk-in” was a “walk-in”. I had no idea what happened to me, but it changed the course of my life. I was in church and praying - surrendering to God - specifically surrendering bitterness - when all of a sudden something poured in through the top of my head and “I” poured out my feet! I was left sobbing and snotting all over myself and I haven’t been the same since. I started being able to “hear the voice of God” and everything in my life radically changed. I used to swear like a sailor, and I didn’t swear anymore (though it creeps back now and then)… I had a powerful love and blossoming understanding of the Bible (which I had read for years, but now it was ALIVE!!)… I was directed to do things (like quit my job, go to Africa, live by faith for a year, move to Pittsburgh, marry a stranger…etc.) and say things (“messages” for people) and as I listened to and obeyed the voice I was whisked away to amazing new places and experiences - taught by God himself!! (My context was Christianity, and I learned first hand that “the Holy Spirit teaches you all things and you don’t need a human to tell you”.) I won’t get into all the radical adventures and experiences I’ve had as a result of this… but I guess I’ve touched on some above. I just became what I described as a “cell tower” for God… I felt like God was amplifying Spirit though me and I was led to direct prayer to certain people and help worshippers connect with the Divine Source… etc. There were supernatural insights and experiences that I had no context for and I may have stepped over the line. I definitely struggled then (and struggle now) with “spiritual pride” … my ego is a monster! I was unfamiliar with new age teaching (and demonized it, of course, as “witchcraft"), but I think what I was doing was “Lightwork”… but also pushing and pulling energies with a MIX of ego and spirit. I used to “crawl in people’s skin” in prayer to connect to, understand, and heal them. Now I’m not sure if this is appropriate behavior. <--I’d say heck no, but I am learning Animal Communication this season and part of tuning in requires connecting through them in a similar way, stepping into their skin, so to speak… so I don’t know… no one seems to feel that that is inappropriate in that realm… but I don’t know. I’m watching and learning. This is my job.
I digress (I tend to do that. Ha!) Also, I thought this would be short. Darn.
After this January 2010 walk-in, the first couple years felt like what some call a “mountaintop experience” - I was so close to God… it wasn’t easy, there was lots of suffering and tears as I broke out of the shackles of flesh …I wanted so much to “be perfect as my Father in heaven was perfect” and believed it was possible to become “sinless”. (Something that not many religious folks were on board with - one needs a sinner to have the story about blood sacrifice work as a hook to their traps). Anyway, I then descended into a pit for some years… still close to God, yearning to know and serve “Him”, but without alll the feel-good sparkly stuff. I learned firsthand about darkness, pain, and suffering - now I see that I had to do this with consciousness in order to be a witness for the All-One. I’ve known that God experiences through me… watches through my eyes. I think I”m designed to have God feel through my heart as well, and even before my walk-in, I sensed the connection there, but my heart is in need of upgrades to do that effectively and so now I believe that part of my very strong emotional body is the foundational architecture for the heart upgrades I am getting. I had a massive one last December and know there is more to come. Once I am a fully activated God-to-human-to-God receiver I think more work can be done. Much of what I do here isn’t connected to my consciousness, but sometimes I know that very cool alchemical changes are happening (I guess this is gridwork - again, these are words and contexts given by ES, I just know them within my own experience and there weren’t words for it).
I’ve been on a spiritual journey my whole life (I see now), and I suspect that I’ve sent help (walk-ins) along the way to support myself through this life as I sincerely believe I’ve got a pretty hefty Indigo contract going on here… but the experience that happened 01022010 was a doozy for sure! I’m learning now, through ESF, that this “God” that I thought I heard/connected to was really ME… I suspect my Avatar self because of the level of intelligence that is/was accessed, but frankly it could have been my soul or monad layers popping through.
Sorry for the book, but thank you. Talking about it helps me to process and bring accountability to it. Much love to all! We are all one in the light! Bless you dear hearts!!
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