Compassion

 It's been a while. Integrations. Light and dark. Plasma and shadow. Moving through. Yesterday and this morning - cries. Yesterday's cries were not my own although we are all ONE so in that way it was, but they were moanings from the depths of the earth - the pain of the earth body with the love of God moving in to compassionately hold and heal the cracks and wounds in our earth. Sophia Aurora's meditations were moving as well. This morning Paul's negative energy triggered deep pain. I had to cry it out. Victim mentality is trying to hook me into thinking and saying he didn't have compassion or care but it was his care that seeped out through my pain and tears. We are one. I am designed to transit these densities that he doesn't yet have the ability to release. I want to help and serve and heal him so that he can be and we can be what we're meant to be to anchor the frequencies of love and healing in the earth to support the reclamation of our beloveds. There's been so much and nothing at all. More much actually. Ha. Janelle's presence has been a blessing. Today my "suggested for today" was about service to others and a timely reminder as I was wiping the tears from my eyes after Paul leaving for work with us in disharmony. He went to bed that way too. 

*Practice being of service with unconditional love, and naturally flowing in the moment. The energy exchange made between participants being of service to others, amplifies and expands consciousness growth like no other method.

The more you amplify the energetic field of being in service to others, the more joy, harmony and gifts will be brought into your life. The more service you dedicate to Gods plan, the Law of One, the more spiritual support and spiritual presence one can exchange with God Force.

I believe he needs sexual release but I don't want to give him an empty blowjob like he'd like. I working on reclaiming my sexual health and desires. My poor vagina isn't well - parasites/candida/yeast galore. My period should be starting soon too. Tomorrow? Janelle is taking us on a horseback ride and I hope we don't have a heavy flow day on that day. God's will be done. God, could my period start today? Pretty please?

Anyway, I want to make love - even blowjobs - from Presence and connection. He just wants me to suck his dick. And massage him. And rub his feet. And cook and clean and take care of everything - him, the animals, the house, laundry, etc. I resent his mentality where he thinks he's so busy but he squanders his time with solitaire, etc. Whoa is me, I have to win 17 games of solitaire in order to participate in this competition to win some points. It's so stupid! 

But I have to accept what is. This is his choice. This is how he wants to live. Where he stresses himself out and lies to himself and with work he's hurting himself. Why? I don't know, but it's his journey and choice. I need to walk away. I don't need to care. I can respond to.... I DO need to care. I have to care. Today he made himself choke and he was coughing and coughing trying to get me to say "are you okay?" but I didn't. I withheld my love. "The love that I withhold is the pain that I carrry from lifetime to lifetime." Stop withholding love. It is not a bargaining chip. I have to keep my heart open and love and love and love. Compassion and compassion and compassion.

He was incapable of having compassion for me as I was crying this morning (or yesterday or ever), but that is an opportunity for ME to have compassion for, number one, for MYSELF. Loving myself is the WAY. It is also an opportunity to have compassion for his not quite being ready to open his heart. To compassionately witness- not judge, Carissa- and see where he's at. We'll get there. 

Forgiveness and compassion. You're doing good. You're coming along, dear one. 

Janelle heard me crying from her RV and came out and held me while I cried. God sent compassion and love my way. Thank you God. I wanted Paul to care but he could not and that's okay. It allowed me to see and understand more of what we are working with and then God still sent me some love and support through beloved Janelle. What an honor it's been to get to practice holding space and loving her through this transition in her life. Yesterday Alex lied about and falsely accused me and it made me mad but again, it was an opportunity to see the truth and forgive and operate in love. I didn't express much forgiveness. More neutrality but I did kind of "yell at him" through my text to him which was blanketed in "God bless you" blah blah, but it was more an expression of disappointment and standing up for msyelf - not so loving. Saying nothing would have been more harmless. I need to practice harmlessness more.

I got the "Astrological Blueprint Correction" as my AG pick so I better go do that. 5:59 5/20/22

Today we are going to see JP Sears at Goodnight's Comedy Club and we leave for Florida on Monday!