Heartbroken again

I'm shaking and soooo upset. I am operating from a place of hurt and anger and I started to sign up for Plenty of Fish again to see what Ryan is up to. Last night after getting back from a 13 hour drive to pick up his Mom he sat in my driveway (where he was going to spend the night) and was looking at the weather and then it looked like he went to look at some profiles... he was scrolling them and looking at some pictures. And I asked him what it was and he admitted that it was porn. I asked if it was profiles... he had closed out a couple windows incognito-like and pretended like he didn't. I guess I could have it wrong - he did it fast. Anyway, this morning I looked at his phone and saw that he has been on websites for ED....probably filling out a form...it was a lot of them... and sites like "Mature Dates" and "Plenty of Fish" along with plenty of porn. Lots of POF profiles. 

💔

I am not happy and I've gained a ton of weight. I know this has to be over. He is cheating on me so badly again. AGAIN. And mean as heck. Last weekend he said he fantasized about taking my sister to the bedroom. What am I doing here?

I know I can't be in ANY relationships now. I need to take care of myself. Heal my body, mind, spirit, soul. I am so grateful for the beautiful life I have and I need to live it. And be strong. If it's God's will that I have a partner, HE will bring me one. I have to stop trying to do this myself. 

I'm going to see if I can find him on POF. BARF.

Yep, found him.

After all the grief he has given me about making sure I say "I love you" after ever conversation. He's sick. Obsessed with porn, has ED, a cheater and liar. Second time, shame on me.