John is no longer with us

John fell off his bike into traffic today and was hit by a truck and killed.

I am in shock. My first thought was that his soul finished its mission...was done... peace out. This must be true, right? Yes. Of course. But still. 

Yesterday I waved at him as Ryan and I were driving away to dinner and he looked like Fabio with his beautiful mane in the breeze with the O'Malley's gorgeous landscaping and their dogs surrounding him. He was absolutely beautiful. Little did I know that was the last time I'd see him.

I pondered recently - maybe even this morning, but maybe last night, about how a car accident might be a quick and easier way to go.... thinking about Barb & her husband. He went quick and she stayed on earth - she maybe had the harder journey. I don't know. But being sick and dying is longer and maybe more painful, but you get to button up everything to an extent. A car accident happens out of nowhere and might even be painless. They said John died before he hit the ground. 

This is the second friend who died on a bike, hit by a truck. Remember beautiful Leah? She had completed her soul's journey too... she was an absolute angel on earth... too good for it... definitely earned her wings. She was brilliant and creative and kind and perfect in every way as far as I can tell. And John was an innocent too. I hated how people made fun of him and called him stupid... but I went along with it and I should be ashamed. I didn't like him living with me - it didn't feel good. It was always weird or maybe it was better by now... I forgot all about it and bet he did too. We had a nice time at Jim's birthday party last weekend - ribs and cake and John was jolly and lovely and he's so talented and patient and present with his work - all he did to transform the O'Malley property, to continue its beauty.... make it more beautiful. He was an angel too. He called himself a "life coach" and he had good things to say. He was also hung up on some things and spun out a lot - especially with the horrible court case. He was in jail a long time needlessly...but I guess his soul wanted to experience that too. He was simple. And beautiful. And gentle. And animals loved him and he was a genius with plants/landscaping... disciplined, cutting each piece with care. He made the front of my yard so beautiful. He was a forest fairy too. God, I'm sad. 

God is the best expression or word I have to encompass "all that is". That's who God is to me. All that is.

Did the farmer spray something and did the pesticide kill my sweet chicken, Miracle? She died suddenly too. I don't want my friends to die. But this is what we're doing here. We're living and we're dying. Are we really living?

Are we letting fear steal our joy?
Are we present?
Oh John - God bless you and your Mom. God, please comfort Carol. 

Please comfort the O'Malleys. 

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