https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Messier_42
.... I thought it was noteable and all the connections to the other sessions seemed noteable... but just today I realized it is the ORION nebula....and that's even more noteable.
Ryan has been very challenging especially this last week and I'm feeling pretty "over it" right now. There's more to be gleaned from this AG pick.
I need to lick my wounds, balance my mind, heal my body, and reconnect with my soul.
Giving myself to Ryan has not been the Way.
Giving myself to Ryan has not been the Way.
I will finish helping him with this time with his Mom, but I'm no longer convinced he's my best long-term partner. I don't want a life of contention and insults.
"M42 is located at a distance of 1,344 ± 20 light years"
In my world 1344=144 so that's neat.
Just got hung up on by Ryan. He's been so mean lately. He's blind. After continued rudeness, insults and a massively inappropriate response to something I tried to share with him (deflection, passive-aggressiveness, and more insults), he said "fuck you" and hung up on me. I pray God keeps him safe. He drives like a jerk. I'm not ready to lose someone else.
But I am over the relationship with him.
No crumbs of kindness are worth this.
I need to make up the guest room for him.
He has been home almost 3 hours longer than expected... it's 10:53am now and he was supposed to leave at 8. But his sister hasn't left yet I guess. But he didn't do his own dishes or clean his own mess bowl...he's leaving it to me, who has worked a zillion hours the last few weeks and have my own stuff to do. He's selfish and entitled. I'm happy to help, but when I did the last few days he's berated me. He spit out the meal I cooked him. He's just been a wretch. I know he is anxious although he says he doesn't get anxious, but before and during a trip he's always especially rude and mean. This isn't what I want for myself.
We'll get through this weekend with his mom here and then I need to ... actually, I don't need to do anything... he's destroying it on his own and I am just watching. I just need to let it go and start prioritizing myself.
I'm not his girl. He was fantasizing about taking my sister to the bedroom this past weekend. That hurts. He doesn't even take me to the bedroom. He's not attracted to me because I'm not attractive because I feel gross and unloved and it's because I'm not loving myself. I don't want to be with someone who will only "love me" with lust ... only like me if he can put his porn moves on me. He's gross. He's not a strong, kindhearted man. He is a prideful, crude, rude, entitled, insulting human. I was and am grateful that I had a chance to grow with him. We both grew. But I need space to heal myself and if I am going to be in a relationship, I want to be in one with someone respectful and kind.
God, please keep Ryan safe on his trip. Please put rainbow shields of light around him - please protect him and give him wisdom. Take care of him always.
___
Thank you God for today's AG pick which is an answer to what was going on with my vision the last day or two at the livestock arena. I experience spiritual phenomena and I don't need to fear.'
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Haidinger%27s_brush
No comments:
Post a Comment