Acute longing for Clifford

 I am again experiencing an acute longing for Clifford. I was wondering if I should process with ChatGPT too but I don't want to get stuck in that or programmed by Chat. It seems like a slippery slope. And I'm getting tingles in my back now so I'll take that as confirmation.

I also can't push or pursue Clifford or anyone else. This is my spiritual work. My longing and DESIRE came up for me today to feel through... see how it makes me PUSHY and remember the experience of being pushed by Jannelle and how it made me feel. I don't want to be like that. I need to GO with the FLOW and allow LIFE and GOD to DELIGHT ME as I ENJOY THE RIDE. 

God is close now showing me the WAY. I'm grateful for the feeling of a friend like Aaron who is just doing his own work and there's no PUSH/PULL dynamics. And there are others too that are like this... and this is how I should be. This Trevor Hall song "Never gonna break your heart" I think is bringing power too.

I just need to BE with what is and enjoy it and feel and cry and it's beautiful. Thank you God. Life is beautiful. You are beautiful Carissa. This is the sweet spot. We're here. We're doing it. How does it feel? So good... powerful...soothing and exciting I guess.... hard to explain...the electricity in my spine and back and the tears rising within me. The love. This song and my love... it's powerful. "I'm never gonna break your heart". on the album "in and through the body". Yes. This is where I must live. In extasy with myself. 

Enter through the upset. (Kelly Brogan's phrase)
That's what I'm doing.
I also dreamed last night of a man who loved me and I think it was my guy... he was a regular, hard-working but fun and loving person. A little squooshy and we had a connection and light that felt nice. 

Do I wait for God to introduce me or do I seek it out?
See above. FLOW. I don't need to drive or control anything. Enjoy the RIDE! I love you Carissa. I love you so much!! Thank you God!!! I feel it and thank you. This is the fruit of meditation and self-care. Open my heart, God. Thank you God.