Here's the situation...
I WANT to be responsible. I WANT to be a mature adult who does what is RIGHT.
Here's the caveat...
I don't know what is right.
I only know what I know --and what I know is that the Spirit is living in me now and that my whole life- every breath I take- has changed. My experiences have changed. My perceptions have changed. My goals have changed. My ME has changed. It's like getting a whole new DNA.
I want to shake off the world and just live in freedom and peace and joy by living out the expectations of God... and maybe I can do that. I WISH and hope that maybe God will want me to do what is "socially acceptable" and responsible in other's eyes. I'm hoping that maybe it is just this one thing...or two things (as it were) that He would like me to do outside the bounds of what a sane/ normal/ run-of-the-mill person would do... and then after that, I can go back to "normality".
Oh but we only have ONE life to live. (Yep... that's a soap opera... how funny! I used to watch that one... I think that was the one with Harley and some handsome cop- that was back when I was in 9th grade or something, so I don't expect anyone to know what I'm talking about.) Anyway.... I cannot be bound by anyone else's expectations BUT GOD's. I've got to get that through my thick skull. Right?
I MAY be a crazy person. Perhaps I "cracked" this year... but maybe I am just actually living the way God intended... maybe this is what it feels like to be plucked from the garden of Grace (like a little orange carrot! - I'm wearing orange today, so this is appropriate!).
I am actually incredibly blessed! Now: I have hope. I have a purpose. The hole in me has been filled. I have been given TRUE life.
I must not be afraid to LIVE it.
<3
1 comment:
Ok... so check it out... it had only been a few minutes since I posted that blog (above) and then I went and read one of the fabulous email devotionals (this one is "My Utmost for His Highest") that I have sent to me daily and look at what it says!!! (Note... this is the second or third one today that has SPOKEN to me... but this one specifically ANSWERED what I was blabbing about in the blog!)!!
But none of these things move me, neither count I my
life dear unto myself.
Acts 20:24
It is easier to serve God without a vision, easier to work for God without a call, because then you are not bothered by what God requires; common sense is your guide, veneered over with Christian sentiment. You will be more prosperous and successful, more leisure-hearted, if you never realize the call of God. But if once you receive a commission from Jesus Christ, the memory of what God wants will always come like a goad; you will no longer be able to work for Him on the common-sense basis.
What do I really count dear? If I have not been gripped by Jesus Christ, I will count service dear, time given to God dear, my life dear unto myself. Paul says he counted his life dear only in order that he might fulfil the ministry he had received; he refused to use his energy for any other thing. Acts 20:24 states Paul's almost sublime annoyance at being asked to consider himself; he was absolutely indifferent to any consideration other than that of fulfilling the ministry he had received. Practical work may be a competitor against abandonment to God, because practical work is based on this argument - Remember how 'useful you are here, or - Think how much value you would be in that particular type of work." That attitude does not put Jesus Christ as the Guide as to where we should go, but our judgment as to where we are of most use. Never consider whether you are of use; but ever consider that you are not your own but His.
Thank you Heartlight.org for providing all these great devotionals!
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