Ok... I have a little clarification on "Brokenness" (this is a follow up to yesterday's rant) -->
Brokenness is actually the outcome of God opening your eyes and showing you YOU (because frankly- that's not always pretty). Brokenness is a response...a response to your awareness of yourself.
Listen- that post from yesterday was OUT of connnnnTRrrroooolllLLL. Will someone PLEASE "check" me and tell me to keep it simple?? My words mean nothing. My life (action) means everything. I blog for the sake of blogging (also as an online journal-esque thingy...something that I can look back at fondly from the rocking chair of the future. I won't even read my OWN posts if they are so freakin' long!! :)).
ps. Today God is showing me that He's got me... I AM, indeed, broken before Him in so many ways... I need Him completely. I can't live without Him. Example: I ate really healthily for a little over a month. I felt SOOO good... and it wasn't hard... because God did it... all I did was obey what His Spirit told me to do ("eat the fruit, not the cookie"), but as soon as I started thinking that I could do it on my own.... "I can eat this ONE little cookie... God, you won't mind..." <-- see that? See where I said "God, you won't mind?" - I made a decision for God. Maybe He WOULD mind???? I am in no position to tell Him (or anyone, really) what they would or wouldn't mind. Aaaaaanywhoot- one slip led to two, then to 5,321 slips in one day!!! (yes- that was a bit much- but you get the drift- I got OUT OF CONTROL!!!). The fact is. GOD must control me. I must let Him. I must not try to control any little piece of me because I fail (and then it spins out of control).
pss. Romans 6 this morning.... perfect.
<3
4 comments:
Can I post a comment on my own blog? YES!! Ok... I THOUGHT about going in and editing my post, but naaaahhhh... I'll just comment... because I think I might still be confused about "brokenness"... I said (above) that it is a response to the awareness of yourself... but then I thought about the time when I was most "broken" before God... it was about 5 years ago and my life was spinning out of control and I had no where else to go but to Him... that wasn't really an awareness of myself, but rather an awareness of my NEED for God to save me.
But I was ALSO super-broken this January (hm- maybe this recent breaking was the most broken I've ever been??)... this ended up being the time when I finally surrendered my life and will to God...and at that point...the point of surrender... He was showing me me... He showed me the root of my pain (which was bitterness).
HELP ME!!
What do YOU think brokenness is??
Ack! Seriously... I can't talk about this anymore... I can't think about this anymore. I'm sorry that I invited everyone to think about it with me because I've got to bail on thinking about it. I HATE it. <-- note: this is Carissa having a temper tantrum.
I have been shown that I have a SERIOUS pride problem. I know that I've said it many times before but just now I FELT it [again or for the first time... I don't remember]... but I felt shame and humiliation about it this morning that was overpowering and overwhelming. It gave me that "I'm gonna puke" feeling (that keeps flashing back). I'm just so filled with shame and humiliation.
I want to hide from myself and from you and from life because I DON'T KNOW ANYTHING!! I HAVE NO RIGHT TO BE WRITING THIS!!! Even my buddy Oswald Chambers reminded me in his devotional today to "Say nothing until the Son of man is risen in you - until the life of the risen Christ so dominates you that you understand what the historic Christ taught."
So... I am going to pipe down a bit. I'm gonna write more to God and less to you.
I love you.
Didn't really read this one completely....yet my eyes are glazing over and I am super duper duper duper duper tired. I have so much I want to say right now but can't because I am so tired. Just now that brokeness is a necessary condition to drawer closer to God. Have more later.
oh and you once asked what brokenness means to me. Well... ahem (while I clear my throat)...
so in my utmost professional expertise I would in the most simple terms define brokenness (before God) as being emptied of self and filled with His Spirit. (i.e humility). It reminds me of the verse in Matthew 5 Blessed are the poor in spirit for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. To be utterly and fully dependent on God for life; to be satisfied in Him alone. Clinging to the sufferings of the cross in self-denial and obedience to God's will expressed in His word. denoucing the things of the world and it's fleeting pleasures and looking to the glory that lies ahead in Christ Jesus.
you can publish that as my comment on your blog!
let me know if you'd like my autograph? (there's the pride). Okay, I confessed it!
tally ho~!~! :o)
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