Post in AquaRose:
Relationships are hard!
Hello beloveds! I've been thinking about this group a bunch lately and wanted to pop on and share my love and let you know I miss you all and this week I was finally able to get a little bandwidth to do so. It's been a challenging 5 months - beautiful but hard - as I've been tasked with a new relationship. Did I task myself like a mad-woman, taking on something so hard or is it my mentality ("something so hard") that is making it so? Besides both of us having dense miasma in need of healing and transmutation, the relationship has brought forward a ton of negative ego clearing work. Fear and codependency lead to control issues that strangle love. Lunar distortions and pain body and wormholes for entities to attack us. Constant attack by splitter technology and pulsed programming. A spotty terrain for sure! That said, isn't this what we came for? Because the trenches are dirty and hard does that mean I should grab a pina colada and head to the beach instead? I have tasted moments of deep abiding eternal love and know we have the capacity to anchor it - but I have to become familiar with the access points. My M.O. is to function with the mind and that's not the WAY. Somehow I have to sweep away the negative ego and her plotting and planning and find PRESENCE in the heart and operate from that space. I thought I was further along but this has shown me I have so so so much work to do. I'm grateful to God but jeez-louise this is hard! I miss the frolicking in the light with my beautiful krystic friends. "Negativity" wants to swallow me - hello NAA! A month ago this was shown to me (that I've gotten sucked into negativity again) so I am actively trying to thwart that. My judgment and control issues color my reality so first I really need to get those under control. <--see how I did that? Ha! Ugh! Well this isn't very coherent but I felt to write something so there it is. It's 5:46 am. I now get up at 3:30am to help Paul get ready for work and wait for him to get to work and then I get to go back to bed for a couple hours (though it takes about an hour to get back to a place of rest). I don't like this schedule. (Negativity) I want him to take action to own his life! He says he wants to work from home and work toward being a writer but he doesn't DO it. It would be awesome if he worked from home so we could go anywhere we want - my dream is to move to the mountains...that fresh, crisp mountain air is calling me. But again...he doesn't take steps to do so. But I should also say that judging from the 3 months he was home while he was looking for a job, it's not the best for me to have him around all the time. His resonance is very challenging - he seems to have even MORE anti-life energies in him (probably from soaking in satanic music and content) so he actually radiates and broadcasts reversals, even when he sleeps. I need my resonance to be rooted in Sophia so that I can hold the field that helps him/us heal but his field is stronger. When he goes to work and I have time for my self-care (meditations, laying in the sun, communing with my sisters, etc.) then I am stronger. So....long winding story short.... I just need to trust God and not try to control. Our home and life is beautiful as is. A real gift! I just worry about him working where he works in that very dirty-dusty environment...we're trying to reclaim his health. But HE has to choose it. And HE has to choose to not be a slave to his phone/devices/social media and HE has to choose life-giving programs/content/music. HE has to live his OWN life and I have to keep my eyes and heart on God. From the get-go, God has whispered and encouraged me to "Do ME and let Paul BE". That's the ticket. I'm just hard-headed....hard-hearted. Stubborn. We both are. And we are mirrors of each other. But the more I push and try to control based on my judgments, the more interference I put into his natural inclinations toward healing. That's enough for now. I love you guys. Thanks for your witnessing and love! Carissa ps. Next time remind me to talk about the challenges with the NRG sexual misery programming (as well as the opportunities and commitment we share for healing)... it's wild!
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