From Ashes to Beauty

Paul and I really turned our experience around yesterday/this weekend and had a beautiful one. We ended up getting a washer and working hard together to accomplish the reorganization of the laundry/guest room, our bedroom (to an extent) and the living room (to an extent)... mostly that part had to do with moving the cabinet out of the bedroom and breaking the shelves out so we could put the TV in it (hence hiding the TV when it isn't in use.) I feel soooooo much better than that! And we reorged the back room, moving one of the black shelves to the bedroom and... it just flows so much better! A full-day of work but it was perfect! We got the washer at the flea market for $200 and it seems like a pretty good washer. I'm washing the dog bedding now. I thought I had to go to the laundrymat to do it but this is an agitator free machine and has a lot more room. But really, it was the fun of doing the project with PAUL. 

I'm feeling quite nauseous today... lots of black magic in the grids. It's halloween. And a "hidrenditis suppertiva"... boil ...giant one... in the same place on my left inner thigh as Paul has been experieincing big pains. We are working together to clear stuff. 

So excited to start "No cheat November" tomorrow. Things are looking up.

Just saw 10/31 11:33... I mean, it's 11:45 now.

I think we were observing and purging dark mother lunar energies.

I continue to see 9:11 almost daily. Including today. And 11:55 regularly, including just now.

Been working with Seed Fears and invasion memories.

12:33 12:34 (I see that lots too)

You know what's disturbing... all this AI all over us. I just had a conversation with Michael (who had come over to get Moses to walk with him to drop off his rent). He stood there talking to me about how the IRS is closed and the Federal Reserve is closed and how soon we are going to be able to to the bank and bring in our silver to trade for the new dollar backed by some other federal reserve. It's this whole storyline that he's living in... timeline. And then it occurred to me that he had these things sticking out of his ears the whole time. Headphones...he's plugged in to his device even now...all day every day... it telling him what the "reality" is. 

This is what we are all doing. Plugged into whatever device is telling us what is what. 

We bypass our own minds, hearts, eyes, ears....choosing to spend our time being spoonfed someone's story instead of looking around.

Paul is getting himself unplugged but he's got that cell phone on his hip all day. I guess he is plugged into the books that he chooses.

I am or have been plugged in to Energetic Synthesis and Lisa's version of reality.

These are the things that "resonate" with us. Why? Because of the kind of Krystal we are? Determined by the kind of frequency band we were created from? Or our DNA or ancestral line or connections here?

Whatever it is... we are parrots repeating what we are told and reflecting ... echoing.... over and over... whatever our reality is.

Whether it's Mr. Burch or my Mom echoing "fear - fear - fear" "you need the vaccine" "think of others"... etc. Or Paul "police and government is evil" or Michael "we'll be millionaires tomorrow"... 

... or me... "I'm a gridworker and experiencing planetary collective pain"

It's all a mind-set. A consciousness (trap?).
10/31 1:30

13:44 1:44 (I see 1:44 often too)

Straw

The straw that broke the camel's back:

Paul "feeding Sioux" but not cleaning up after her. His excuse is that I told him that when were going to leave for the mountains (on an exploratory trip), that we could just feed her and not clean up.

The poop bucket was so filled that I couldn't fit more in it and I had to go dump it... while sick and barefoot. Neither him nor Michael took responsibility. 

Paul is lazy, selfish, prideful, resentful, and passive-aggressive and I can't play along to try to "love him out of it" anymore. I understand that it is a reflection of my own problems in all those areas. But I am being sucked dry. Even when I've been so sick. He pretends that he kept his half day off work so he could come home and take care of me but he didn't do anything noteworthy other than pick up the humidifier. He likes to spend money. He is a user. I'm done. 

I need to learn to love myself and be free. There is a man out there who will see me and love me and we will serve each other in love. It won't be hard. I have learned this year about service... so much service. And now I need to be by myself for a while and learn to love myself and my own body and to understand how it works and gets turned on. To work with my own shadows and my own stuff. I'm tired of having to focus on Paul's stuff.... his whining about never accomplishing what he wants to accomplish (because he's always on his phone playing games and who knows what else.... or watching TV.... he talks the talk but doesn't walk the walk.) 

I'm ready for a change. 
This isn't working for me. 
He's not the man for me.

I get glimpses of him... I had 5-10 seconds of a hug this morning when he woke up... he hugged me over the pillow that was between us.... he has Manson or a pillow between us when we sleep. It's fine because I can't usually deal with his broadcasts...and I like to sleep independently or with Moses next to me... but it felt really nice to have a warm loving (but maybe it wasn't love, maybe it was just literally warmth) that held me for a moment. But one moment turned into challenge after challenge. He said we could go drive through the mountains and then went to his throne (potty) to play games on his phone. He left me to do everything to prepare for the trip. He asked if the dogs (he only cares about Manson really but he did invite them all ... I didn't think it would be fair to torture Rue & Moses with 2 days in the curvy car with no vacation of walks.) Anyway... I packed for Manson... had to clean up days of mess in the kitchen which he couldn't clean up when I was sick. I asked him for days to dump some old bone broth I had made and he never did it so I finally did and I cleaned the jar mostly but I let it soak afterwards thinking that he could finish but he just left it... for 2 or 3 more days until I just did it. I have to do everything. And he complains about it. 

_____

It is finished. We talked. 
It's interesting because it is about one year ago today that God knit our hearts together... I started "feeling him"... we were talking and there was a strong pull and I started holding his miasma. It was part of my one year journey to help my fellow brother Emerald Order Magi Grail King. To help him realize his beauty, power, and strength... to free himself from the slavery of satanic thought and step into his magnificence. 

We had a good talk... I tried to be edifying... to share how much I believed in him but how I couldn't be his excuse why he wasn't accomplishing what he wanted to accomplish. I have to prepare my heart for his passive aggressive gaslighting twisting.

But  I watched a romantic movie this week and there was a part that said that if the guy isn't willing to scream from the top of the mountaintops that he is in love with you, then he's not the guy. I don't think Paul ever put me on his only form of social media... he doesn't post personal stuff much but he used to post photos of Christina all the time. He was proud of her because he thought she was beautiful. He isn't proud of me. He doesn't love me. He doesn't shout at the top of the mountains that I'm his girl. He is ashamed of me. I am overweight... but I've become that (moreso) as I've carried his miasma and experience... and he's exactly the same. We are mirror images of each other. Thank you God for the experience.

Anyway... I have a problem with codependency and I give my energy and power away to Paul to try to make him happy and well so that WE can be happy and well and I don't think that's the "Way"... I need to love ME and work with myself. 

I also want to be with someone KIND. Who doesn't ignore people when they say "hi" to him ... who inquires about neighbors' lives and situations. Who wants to help other people. He DID want to randomly drive a close to an hour to help some guy move a shelf ... something he saw on social media - Nextdoor... but he has a hard time helping me. Yesterday I asked him to help Mr. Casey get the hay in the barn and said please make sure it stays lying down and this morning I went in there and it was sitting straight up... he gets bitter at me for asking him to do anything or telling him how I'd like it... there are just too many problems. Thank you God for this experience and lesson. 

It's going to be hard, but I am here with you.

____

Turned into another big blowout... argument about him not walking dogs... I ended up having to do it. It's a game... mind fuck, yes. He feels he's a victim. He needs to figure himself out. I need to figure myself out. This isn't healthy. 

He said today "all I've ever wanted was a helper". 

A slave. Someone to dominate. To use. That's exactly how it's going. 
I HAVE been his helper... his slave. To the nines. But it's using me up.
I'm doing the right thing. I'm gaining clarity and strength. I want to love him well but his "you make me do this and you yell at me and you make me do that and you keep me from doing this"... blaming me for everything...for his lack of taking ownership over his life...I'm not going to accept that anymore. 

I DO try to play the "holy spirit" and tell him what he should do. We all need to learn to listen to our OWN hearts. And I DO need to stop controlling him. If he wants to take off without telling me where he's going, then let him. If he doesn't walk the dogs, he doesn't. I don't need to ask him to do anything anymore. I just need to take ownership of my own life. I'm not sure what he'll do.

He says he's going to be homeless. He makes over $2000 a month and he wants to choose to live in his car. I can't do anything about that. That's his choice. He's been his worst enemy his whole life... always thwarting his own plans and blaming it on others like he's a victim. He twists everything so he is a victim. 

Do I?

I'm controlling and codependent and fearful. 

____

Paul took some time to go to the park with Manson. We both want to commit to our health and wellness and think that will help us love each other better. We both love each other. 

We are going to keep going. 

Subconscious explorations

I subconsciously want to feel myself die while I'm still alive/awake. I'm trying to "master" death... or "practice" it to understand it. This is why I'm obsessed with it and create fear and anxiety and issues in my body so that I can feel into it. 

Currently I'm feeling into breast cancer. 

12:09

I saw 9:09 9:08 9:19 too.

Healing and working with shadow so much. 
Loving "Existential Kink" book.

This isn't working for me

Is this phrase a mental implant or a truth? 
It's 12:36. At 11:44pm.... after not sleeping for 4 hours (we went to bed at 7:44), I had maybe fallen asleep a few times but not for long. But I had acid reflux/ageda so I got up to take some GB3 and then I was moving Moses over between Paul and I. Paul rolled over and put his hot arm around Moses who did not like it and I tried to move it off and he blew up. Got crazy...yelling and slamming things around. I spent the next 20-30 minutes trying to calm him down and tell him how sorry I was and ask him to come back to bed, but he goes to the other room and doesn't sleep... he's stewing and the energy is yucky and I'm asking him to come back and then I stopped asking him to come back and I'm just feeling what is. But I have to be honest, this isn't working for me.

This weekend he was violently pushing me and ripping my clothes to try to take something from me. Apparently it made him mad that I took his pill container. I should have just given it back when he came at me, but I put it in my pants instead...so I perpetuated the problem. 

We are not well. Eating poorly. Spending poorly.

Not happy. 

It's been one year. Lots of lessons and growth, but this isn't how I envisioned it being. I've gained 40 pounds probably and lots of debt and black magic and poison air (swearing and screens and satanism). This isn't what I hoped for. I thought we would heal each other in love. And I"m learning... but possibly despite the difficulty here. 

We also have a deep love and connection. So it's confusing. But the overlays are too much.

I think there is a new moon tonight... I think this black magic is from tonight. I do not consent. But I will feel it. I wanted to feel it to heal it. I wanted to go back into a relationship with physical abuse so I could bravely stand up to it. I broke down as I was trying to escape the house... ripping myself out the door screaming to the neighbors for help. Drama.

Then we had K3 and Jewel over and it was nice. I like having a partner. But there is ugliness. And he's trying to punish me. And I don't like it. 

Just got an AG pick (Typhon Tunnels) and this was part of it. I think these are the entities trying to get to me through Paul. How can I maintain my neutrality? I'm off...because of sugar, poison, lack of sleep, etc. I need to come back to myself. I'm done with Paul's gaslighting and mind-games. 



I'm going to sleep. It's 1:42a

9:22

I just need to lean in to feel whatever this is. It's soul-level stuff. Reminding me of the traumas with Joe and Tyrone. Dark Mother stuff coming through Paul as well as me. Pain Body, yes, but more Dark Mother. Manipulation, gas-lighting, trying to perpetuate victim-victimizer. 

But there is another layer in that Paul doesn't seem to be moving in the direction of freedom, sovereignty, health, and organic life that I want to live in. I've gone backwards into his Ai-ridden, toxic, satanic vibration and it's not doing good things for my body, mind, or soul. 

I have to take ownership of myself again. This is the last week that we are eating "junk" and then I feel like I'll gain some more clarity. MY "M.O." is to push-away or run-away. If it doesn't feel good, I want to get it away from me .. this comes from codependency because I have intertwined myself to this other person (and their jacked-up energy). 

Last night I was being controlling by trying to move Moses so I had room for my feet and then when Paul put his arm around him and he hated it, I felt guilty that I had put him in that position and tried to free him. Apparently I said "you are hurting him" which was what triggered him. I just wanted to free Moses. But that led to a two+ hour drama (until 1:44) and I probably got 1 more hour of sleep ... Paul will say he didn't sleep but he was snoring so he got 2 hours more. He wouldn't take his doo-rag or his boots off so he just slept with them on. I shouldn't have asked him to take them off. It's not safe to ask him anything. He's not safe. He twists everything and makes me out to be an evil person. "You yelled at me" "you told me I couldn't do that"... when I am not yelling or telling him anything, I am expressing my desires and thoughts and he takes it personally and offensively. 

We're just both not secure in who we are ourselves. I have fallen back from the strength in my own beliefs and Godself. Don't get me wrong, there are tremendous lessons in the darkness here, but I have lost my neutrality and am trying to "change" Paul so that I can feel better about myself. I had the idea that we were both ... no... I think it IS true that we are both wanting to be free of the matrix. But we both have hangups and I'd say Pauls are more insidious. He's very dependent on his phone. Even though we were with our niece and nephew and family, he spent at least 6+ hours a day on his phone each day this weekend. And then more time in front of the screen watching TV (Rick & Morty, etc.). It's just not aligned with my desire for life... I want to spend my off time in the garden, meditating, walking, playing with animals, doing art, etc. 

So I'm trying to change him. Trying to change his dependence on his navigation device. Trying to change his TV watching. Trying to change his technology and phone dependence. Trying to change his "lists". Trying to motivate him to work on stuff he says he wants to work on (writing, etc.). But you see all this PUSHING? This is me trying to change him according to my understanding of what is best. 

But obviously he has his own life and his own process.
And I need to keep my eyes on ME. I feel like I made some strides this week in the 3D with my own businesses, but I am having a hard time with the Ayla graphic design because I'm not in a place to connect with the universe ... I haven't even checked out the community space. I have taken more and more on and in my overwhelm I have disconnected from my heart. 

I WANT TO FEEL ALL THIS.

Thank you for being here with me, Beloved Carissa, to work on this with me... to feel and experience and work with all this to understand. 

I noticed during my walk that I think that unless I take "action", that I am not accomplishing anything. So if I am uncomfortable with Paul, I have to take action and break up and move out... (or plan this in my head) in order to feel like I'm "doing something". But the truth is that I just need to feel it and then surrender and allow the Flow to lead. 

This trip we have coming up at the end of the week... we are supposed to go to Georgia and then Mom and Dad's place (they aren't there) and then stay at Evangeline's and then come home. Lots of driving but we'll see Cliff and Theresa, lots of the mountains to "feel into" areas where we might want to live...hoping Paul will fall in love with it too. So I don't want to sabotage the possibility for that trip... if we are staying together, we need this. 9:43 9:44

My period is supposed to start in a week. It came early last month. PLEASE DON'T COME EARLY!! I hate to bleed when we travel. I've been bleeding very heavily too lately. Spike proteins? Last month one day I filled my cup every hour or two one day. Gah!

Soooo... back to the title of this blog "this isn't working for me"... 

I'M not working for me. I need to just have my experience and stop trying to change or frame Paul's. I need to decide what is aligned with me and go for THAT. If I want to wait around longer to see if Paul gets on board, then I can. If I want to take a turn and go-it-alone, then I can. Either way, it would be best if I could listen to my soul and feel into the conscious and subconscious desires that are driving my experience... what is it I want to feel here and feel it?

Breast cancer? Heart attacks? Fear? Abandonment? Strokes? Loss? Loneliness? Bullying? Abuse? Connection? Alignment? Love? Healing? Soul-mate? 

I only consent to a happy, healthy, balanced, long, peaceful, joyful life in LOVE. 
But I want to feel and honor everything that comes forward because that's what I came for.
I am timeless and eternal. I am having a life experience. An earth...3D... life experience.

Jeff has been on my heart a lot lately. I dreamt of him 2 nights ago too. He is very dear to me. If circumstances were different we would have been a good couple, I think. But that's for another life if that's what we choose. Paul is my twin-flame and mirror and I have much to learn. Maybe we could meld into a loving couple or maybe we are just here for a lesson, but I can not ... must stop trying... to control it. 

Smells and such

There's been such powerful energy in the mornings this month!
Like 6:30ish. Lots of "liquid plasma light".
I've also noticed that I've been having "olefactory flashbacks"... like smelling things (in my mind or the air, I don't know... I guess it's in my mind because I'm in bed every time).... but they remind me of things from my past...or trigger thoughts of something... not necessarily past. This morning it was a peppery smell that I can't quite place but it was meaningful. The first time I noticed it, it reminded me of a childhood pool locker room. There was at least one more.

I haven't been great about journaling ... I ran out of my paper journal and need to start another. There have been lots of amazing numbers. 4:04, 4:14, 4:44 and now 2:22, 12:22, and 12:12 and 11:11 and 1:11

The sun has been big...feeling the last few days that Holy Father is with us and that there is a big opening for more light codes. The days are getting shorter but it seems like they are balancing it with bigger sun.

Work has been such a blessing! I've been putting together my own business, Carissa Wages Mineral-Nutritional Balancing...and got hired to help Ayla Nereo with graphics... and I'm doing a project for Page/CVM...and I'm very busy with Malai social media and hiring! Thank you God!

It's 8:00 (on 10/21). Oh, a few days ago I was seeing all the 44's. I think that was related to China. 

1:44 (message to Misha)
1:44 (time)

10/22/22 1:01 - 
My first "low content book" was published!! https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0BJYSR9K9

1:11

Ai vs. Organic Massages

We had the good fortune to be able to experience TWO massages each this weekend. Thank you God. We needed them and YOU provided! (To help move that stuck energy from the orgasm especially...but we have quite a few energetic blockages going on... here, ready to heal of course!)

At the State Fair (zoo-it was so busy that we were crushed like sardines much of the time), we came across one of the fair sponsors, the Chinese massage chair maker who was offering demos which we stumbled into. We ended up getting to test TWO chairs, one that did more massage and relaxation and one that also stretched the body. They were great. I could feel the EMF field as I sat in it though. But it squeezed and felt good and Paul and I both dreamed about getting one. The one we wanted was 14K in real life and 8K if we got one of them that was used at the fair. We'd love one though. 

The next day (yesterday), on our travels to Goldsboro, we decided to try the acupressure place in that mall. We tested it out with a 25 min reflexology and 20 min chair back massage. Also Chinese people. (Note, feeling "China" is "up" in the grids right now so getting to connect in this way was a gift to participate with Universal Consciousness.) 

Anyway, the organic human massage was hands-down waaaaayyyy better! They were able to intuit where our energetic blockages were and work those parts. My guy sensed the problems I was having in my lower legs and my left inner ankle especially which I realized was related to my genitals (and the spike proteins in my ovaries that Charlotte identified goes along with this). He also sensed all the stuckness in my neck... I think he felt or was trying to move an etheric harness that is around my golden chalice/neck medulla oblongata area. He rubbed my head and up to my crown to try to open and heal my crown. Definitely led by God to help there... to open it to move that energy ... I need to do yoga and qigong and get my energy flowing. And I need to stop eating this crap that keeps me stuck and blocked. It's time to heal!

When we were getting the reflexology part, I closed my eyes for a few minutes to feel into the energy and felt such gratitude for the connection and support. It was divine.

And doing all this with my divine beloved, Paul. Healing together. Experiencing life together. It's so wonderful. Thank you God!

____

Seeing all the 44's.... 8:44 9:44, 8:44, 10:44, 11:44
I am guessing... I think... that 44=8 which is the China gate?
I saw 5:55 yesterday in car with Paul too. 

Learning to Let Go

Awesome AG article (not written by Lisa). Apparently shared by Candice in the forum and Rosemary emailed it... PERFECT!!

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Learn_To_Let_Go#/random

Learn To Let Go

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During the Bifurcation of Time, one will note how fast things change from moment to moment, which can bring spontaneous surprises. However, it requires that we learn to master the art of Learning to Let Go!

With that being said, I want to share with you some tools on simple key points to help you let go during these challenging times. The original author is unknown or I would give direct credit. I have edited some of the content. However I feel this is key information to share with you as a tool during these times.

Contents

• 1Key Point # 1 - Learn To Let Go
• 2Key Point # 2 - Face Your Fear
• 3Key Point # 3 - Open Your Heart
• 4Key Point # 4 - Releasing Blame
• 5Key Point # 5 - Speak The Truth
• 6Key Point # 6 - Be A Listener
• 7References
• 8See Also

Key Point # 1 - Learn To Let Go

Our stories are deep-rooted and until we begin the journey of awakening, our stories define us. The ego identifies purely with the story. Holding on to the ego story, especially those laced with our inner demons, are the stories that have caused us emotional pain and are the major causes of fear-based reactions in the body. They result in that tight, knotted or sick feeling inside our gut that signals stress. Our solar plexus is the main contributor as we feel in conflict over personal power. While these emotions certainly feel real while they last, they are in fact triggered by the thoughts and beliefs, by the memory of a prior situation stimulated in the mind. Seeing the unreality of those memories from the perspective of consciousness, our wholeness being in the now, is the perceptual shift that frees us. Then letting go of the past happens naturally, and we experience true emotional harmony.

Key Point # 2 - Face Your Fear

Get centered then look at the situation whether real or imagined and what is triggering the fear and affirm to yourself: I welcome this as a gift. It is showing me where I am not yet free. Then you simply picture in your mind the worst thing happening. You visualize experiencing the loss or failure, or whatever it is you're afraid of over and over again, until it begins to lose its charge. Until you realize that no matter what happens,you as the lucid ever-present consciousness, which witnesses everything will always be okay. Like the samurai warrior you learn to die before you die. Dying to the images and concepts of I and Me, and thus you are free. Also using the Core Fear Matrix Removal is greatly supportive to releasing emotional charge over facing your fear.

Key Point # 3 - Open Your Heart

Stress and fear close the heart down. We become judgmental and critical and life starts to feel empty, joyless, and meaningless. As you become more present, more sensitive to your own and others' feelings and to the underlying concerns, worries and fears that most people have, your natural kindness, compassion and generosity are liberated and with them deep inner strength and courage. An open heart balanced with common sense and good judgment makes you the kind of person others want to be around.

Key Point # 4 - Releasing Blame

Blaming those who have hurt, wronged or betrayed us causes our heart to harden, makes us feel like a victim and just perpetuates our own suffering. People do hurtful things because they do not feel loved and they are not at peace within themselves. Understanding that, focus on being fully conscious and present in your own life and it will be easier to let go of blame, resentment and anything else that interferes with your mental, emotional and spiritual well-being. This is the essence of forgiveness.

Key Point # 5 - Speak The Truth

To be present without any agenda, one of the signs of being awake requires self-honesty. You have got to be willing to look within and examine the stories that you are still believing, whether stories of self-doubt, guilt, resentment, judgment, arrogance or whatever. As you face them breathe into them and see through their unsubstantiality. After all, you can't actually find a thought or belief anywhere and they start to drop away. Then it becomes easy to speak the truth because you're no longer caught up in trying to defend or justify your ego, which itself is also just a storyline.

Key Point # 6 - Be A Listener

The best way to invite honesty and to attract people to you is to be interested in them. If you are present with them, you will establish the level of trust that makes them want to open up and share themselves with you. Listening is one of the most important keys to being present. Listen to others, listen to the sounds in your environment, and especially listen to the sound of your own thoughts. Listen to the silence beyond thoughts, to the silence that you are. Listening in turn opens you to the experience of yourself as a living, feeling, vibrating, conscious human being.^[1]

Fear

Fear wants to get me. I must feel into it... not contract. Allow it. Allow the tightening in my head. Allow the feelings and thoughts and keep going anyway. 

I had an orgasm headache yesterday... it was a miracle that I had such a nice orgasm with Paul and it was so good and then it turned scary as a headache came at the same time I did... in the back of my head mostly. 

I need to frame it as energy blockage and it's these energy pathways being opened. Panic attacks are trying to get me now. See it as fear. Don't give it power. It's not real.... I am timeless and eternal. I do not consent to any physical damages in my body. I am healing and releasing trapped miasma. Paul's and my love is healing me and us. We are best friends. He sent me the Queen best friend song the other day and it melted me. 

He's my favorite. We went to a "Pasture Walk" with the Ag Extension Office - Dan Wells - this week and learned about pastures, grasses, and cows. We are healing. I AM healing Carissa. 

This is an opportunity to choose to feel into this instead of contracting in fear. I feel the tension. I feel the fear. Fear of blood clot. Fear of stroke. Fear of vein problem. Fear of death. Let go and let God. When it's my time to go, it's my time. Hopefully not yet, but this is the time of year that I get to face death... turn my face to it... look at and feel the dark and fear and let it teach me what it wants to. 

Rest. Care for my body. Learn.

My quote of the day that just came up at 6:16am is "I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear." - Nelson Mandela

9:00

Had dreams about airports and these two guys and maybe getting to a house and my family and travel.
Woke up at one point and smelled a smell that reminded me of a swimming pool locker room from childhood ... one in particular I think.
Later I woke up holding my neck with both hands. Healing any trauma associated with last night maybe? 

Feeling into feeling abandoned by Mother and Father... Holy Mother and Holy Father. The sun today is very bright with lots of Christic light... whites and golds and yellows and some purples, but not a lot of green and blue colors coming through which usually remind me of my Holy Parents. Something to work with there regarding abandonment as a child. 

Lots of anxiety. Need to take supplements. Zinc. And Paul recommended garlic which I agree with. Sweet Paul. I love him so. 

14/9:11. Seeing 9:11 almost every day!! Goes along with what we were working with in yesterday's Charlotte session. Armageddon program - Connecticut grids.

Yesterday saw lots of numbers including: 7:07, 8:08, 9:09, 10:10, 10/13 10:00, 9:11, 13/11:13, 7:07, 18:08, 8:18

It's 14/2:22 and I saw 14/11:11 too.
5:44 6:44

To Do

Lots of numbers.
Lots of "to-do"... let's get organized. 
Lots of feelings.
Lots of bad or challenging dreams. Red clouds or snow or radar. Corie and Page and storms. Dad?

Get on Omni-Lov3
Go to bank to put in Janice's check. Go thank her now...
Go to post office
Rest.
Start your book.
Bleed.

Read about legal stuff for your business
Think more about a name. 

Okay, ran "CarissaExplainsItAll.org" past Paul. No go. Rosemary liked it. I was torn. Got him on board with building on carissawages.com ... so I can start thinking about and planning that. 

I had a vision of cracking out of a dragon egg that looked like my chryscholla egg. This was a day or so ago. We've got a LOT going on in our consciousness bodies. Thank you God. This apple fast is very nice. It really has provided some spaciousness. When I eat crap I feel so inflammed. I've had such good blood today ... great bleeding. Thank you God. (My period) Working on my website now. I talked to a few sisters today.... worked on Malai. I don't know what I did... but I've been doing it. It's all good. Just BE sweet Carissa. You're doing more than you think. I listened to Rosemary's talk on autism for almost an hour, the homeopathy podcast for another hour, JP Sears 20 min talk on his first video. I posted Thailand for MK. I talked to Lisa R (asheville) and Evangeline. I researched those houses that are almost on the market near Corie. (less than an acre won't work.) Went to post office and bank. I forgot I could just deposit checks through app. I'm working on my website now. I need to make a logo. And research legal things. 

___

I'm going to keep going although the day has turned over to 10/6
These AG picks this week are big reminders of my actual JOB. And really can be included....ah! It's Guardian support to help me work through building the krystic architecture...to build it into my website and business.

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/DNA_Frequency_Receiver 

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Holding_Space 

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5:11 am on 10/7
I'm going to share from today's AG pick (and then close this post).
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Luciferian_Abyss

True Humanity is Empathy

God’s Natural Laws returning to the planetary architecture is of an intelligent design which is manifested directly from the Compassionate Witness of the God Source Essence. The God Source essence is experienced within as that true reverent heart based feeling of Compassion and Empathy for all of life. This is the key to regain our true humanity on this planet, when the majority of people have forgotten their true spiritual identity to the alien Mind Control programming. The Anti-Human structure and laws which are defining the current material reality have been set up and bound to serve the gluttony of the STS agendas of dominating egos. The more the negative egos sacrificed and murdered life for personal or selfish gain, the more karmic disease was spread through Dead Energy and Dead Light miasma, as the polluted imbalances spread into the Collective Consciousness. The collective pollution of the artificial intelligence mental disease has resulted in Psychopathic behavior and an belief system and attitude that is fully disconnected from life. When disconnected from life, one is disconnected from Soul and God’s Source Light. In order to reconnect with life and thus have value for human life, to remember that we are all interconnected, one must practice feeling empathy and Compassion for self and others. This higher quality is the true core essence of every human being’s highest potential in their life expression. Without the experience of feeling deep sensory emotion, a human being becomes disconnected and unable to feel or experience higher consciousness states which are inherently our direct connection with God.

PaCaRuMaMo

I wanted to write about something here ... thinking about it last night... but now I forgot. Darn. Maybe it will come forward again. It had a title and everything. While I'm here I'll note that I have been having relatively bad dreams... challenging dreams I should say. I listen to meditations and get up through the night. Yesterday at around 4pm I started having situations with my body... chest pain... laid down, liquid plasma light...etheric surgery to help with the chest pain or part of the upgrades, soul retrieval, and transits? I don't know. I had a big beep to the head again and was deaf in my right ear for an hour or so. Paul pulled the "Correcting the 2D-4D Schism" card ... I feel just to show me that's what we are working on. I see 222 and 444 and feel that is going on. LOTS of numbers these days though. LOTS. God is with me. So relax and don't let fear stop me. So we made love - Paul and I - last night. Even though my body didn't feel well, I just sunk into God and used it to connect with Paul and God and pray and it was lovely. We're doing this apple fast... I don't know if it's not good for me... the sugar. I only ate 3 apples yesterday and the heart stuff came on after the last one so I hope I didn't trigger anything... Ca/Mg ratio = blood sugar ratio.... and I feel those two definitely affect the heart. I guess all the electrolytes do. I took a bath last night too. And the day before. 

It's getting light. I wanted to go back to bed. Will I? Maybe for a mediation. Yes. Go. Okay.

______

I REMEMBERED!! I wanted to title my next blog with our new Hulu (and TEAM) name... PaCaRuMaMo. Funny and sweet, right? Grateful to be on this journey with Paul!

PAulCArissaRUeMAnsonMoses

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Today's AG pick and what I'm SUPPOSED to be doing here: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Holding_Space

Forget the whole "save the world through reverse engineering" spiel. How can I HOLD SPACE for my friends, like Anne-Marie, without having to insert my viewpoint.

This is a big takeaway from the Kelly Brogan and Jo Yi IG Live I watched this morning... how Kelly doesn't comment on her daughter's choices.... no "that's bad" OR "that's good"... UNLESS ASKED.

How can I step into that?
______ 

Here's my second post on that SRA in Music thread:

Thank you for your wonderful responses Bruce, Kelsey, and Jackie! I enjoyed reading your thoughts and experience!

I've had this theme going the last couple weeks where I was paying attention to what we were feeding our souls. This has been tied to a bible concept (the verse is Matthew 6:22) that says "The light of the body is the eye: if therefore thine eye be single, thy whole body shall be full of light."... the New Living Translation says “Your eye is like a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is healthy, your whole body is filled with light."

So to me this is about guarding what we put in our body... eyes, ears, the whole thing.... if we put IN light, then the body will be filled with light. If we put in darkness, it will be filled with darkness.

The trick is this whole mission strand thing where it seems we are meant to explore (and potentially reverse engineer) certain unpleasant topics. Prior to our awakening/consciousness expansion, we didn't know what we were taking part in, but now we know and we go in with eyes wide open, exposing ourselves to these challenging energies but with our krystic hearts and shields activated. I would like to only have my eyes (and ears) filled with light but it seems that this is not the season for it. Ha!

I really appreciate the bands mentioned here. Bruce, your take on Ozzy was really interesting. Paul really likes and listens to Ozzy Osbourne and it's been interesting to feel into some of his music. I've been trying to note which lyrics are "sticky"... some of them have stayed with my consciousness quite a bit... the ones that roll around in your head all night, over and over.

I don't know if it's ALL humans that are coded to respond to music, but I definitely feel a deep kinship with music... like I was created to be a worshipper as a powerful channel to connect more deeply to God. I believe Lisa mentioned that recently too - her connection to music. Most of my loved ones are this way too so I'm leaning more toward it being a universal human trait.

I used to serve on the tech team at my churches (3 of them over maybe 10 years) and the music/worship was such a big part of setting the stage...softening the hearts....tilling the soil....preparing people for the message which would be dropped as a seed in their hopefully fertile hearts. The resources (time, money, talent, creativity) that went in to getting the sound just right, the lighting just right, the songs just right... it was amazing! And it really did almost put people into a trance. I know I would watch myself be overcome through the music... giving myself away to the lyrics and energy flowing through. It was ecstatic and blissful (hello astral bliss)!

When I started guarding my heart... not wanting to worship Jesus anymore (as I was seeing the difference between Jesus and Christ and the Father, etc.)... I started changing the lyrics in my heart when they would sing "praise Jesus", I said "praise the Father" or something.... but it helped me to step into observer consciousness and watch the "show".

Anyway, I love your idea of a seasonal playlist, Kelsey! And that video with reversed messages and music was interesting and entertaining. I didn't watch the whole thing yet but will dig deeper in DRT. It reminded me of the power of the Beatles... who have such upbeat and lovely music but it's so interesting what is apparently coded into it... like what Bruce said about Crowley.... I believe he influenced the Beatles quite a bit.

Jackie, I loved this:

Like Bruce, I feel a lot of artists carried/carry Christic codes and were chosen to be a part of “Pied Piper” SRA ritual by the controllers, knowing the spells that are cast and how it all works while we didn’t. I could write loads (I may return later) but lessons came out from artists’ lives down the years too so in a way they made great sacrifices to bring us those lessons to witness.

I hope you will write loads! ... and appreciate you bringing forward the gift of the opportunity to compassionately witness all this and the artists' lives... I guess that is a part of what we wanted to work with in this timeline.

I didn't mean to write a book here, but wanted to thank everyone who contributed.

Ah! Here's a great article with some answers for my soul (and confirming much of what everyone else shared), thank you God!: ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Rediscovering_Conscious_Sound

Yet we must learn from the sound wave weaponry and sonic geometric code programs that have been used against us and reclaim the power of sound technologies for the empowerment and upliftment of all humanity. All human beings are exceptionally receptive and inclined to reverberate with resonating sound tones or energy waves, especially those that naturally emanate from the planetary body.

Much love to all!
Carissa

Agape

Mmmm... lots of energy and support coming. 
Today's AG pick = https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Number_23
Yesterday it was the Equator. Something going on with earth axiatonial lines.

Victoria's Sunday service for AgapeEast (https://agapeeast.org/) is very good too. Great message. Strange to have all the religious overlays (Reverand, etc.)... but the message so far is great.

Her energy is a little desperate. It grates on me some... I need to feel into it. She's saying all the right things but the energy behind it doens't feel right. Is it because I'M challenged ... growth grating... or just not resonant? God, please lead. I want to do do anything I can to support Paul (and I) as we continue to pursue THE WAY.

The words are all good. 
She is committed.
It's this "Pastor" energy.... yessssahhhhhh

Synchronicities: Ayla's "Eastern Sun" song was in my head and heart a lot last week. Another "East" thing was as well but I don't remember.

The verse (Matthew 6:22) that she is referencing for her theme title (Let the Eye Be Single) or something... was very much on my heart but in my case it's been about paying attention to what we look at and listen to as it reflects in our soul. 

If we go meet with Victoria, then bring my camera and take her photo (if she wants) and bring her my "create" shoulder scarf thing that Davin gave me.

Kirk messaged me something at 12:22
I wrote him back at 12:26

I sent him a follow up at 1:44

I just left Victoria Thomas a voicemail at 2:22

Dissociate

Thank you, God, for today's AG pick... 

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Dissociative_Disorders

..it came at the right time.

Feeling, again, like I want out of this relationship where I feel that I'm just being siphoned and used. Paul isn't a giver. He doesn't think of other people or our animals or family. I am weary of being soley responsible for caring for all our animals and home and providing meals and cleaning. (I don't clean much but he doesn't at all. He doesn't do much for the collective family or home at all... if I ask him he might, and he has some stuff on his "list", but he doesn't operate from his heart... and I'm tired.)

So after I got back from taking care of the chickens and Sioux and Paul hadn't even turned on the fish tank, hadn't fed the dogs, ignored my request about walking them... no, he said "I thought you said we weren't walking them today" (that was yesterday because we were in a hurricane).... 

...I'm just tired of it. Selfishness. 

We had a good talk (or maybe I had a good talk where I got to share some of my thoughts about SRA and music and what happened to him as a kid) last night. I don't know what lands.

I DO keep feeling strongly that we are soulmates. We think of the same things often. We look alike (marshmallows). 

It would be so much easier to be on my own.... less people to take care of... I can keep the house clean and "own it"... not getting bitter about the lack of engagement. But then I think that maybe I'm being trained to serve... to overcome my OWN selfishness and entitlement to think that someone SHOULD help me or be kind. What's the story, God? What's the story????

So this AG pick came in that time. It's 8:45am right now and this has all been feels from the last 30 minutes or so. 

Paul (like me) has a dissociative disorder. He can't connect to his feelings because he's had them blown up. My love will help him reconnect it, but my dark mother or entitlement or whatever energetic cords I have will just interfere. He needs pure love. But how can I give that??? What about me? I have to surrender my own self and let God work through me. This is the lesson. This is the gift. But it is a hard one for sure. And there are mixed messages out there about what it means to take back my power.... taking back my power and owning my life and running the show = self-centered control. How can I surrender and embody my Source/God-self and still be trying to wrangle my situation down here. That's not the Way.

Oh God, please help me to be a force of love. Not to "save" Paul, but to fulfill my mission... do what I came to do. Help me to surrender my own self-centered needs so that I can embody my Source and live out the greater purpose that I'm here. I must be faithful with the little lessons... not that this is little... but it doesn't come with a big platform or followers (which I don't want)..... but I have to be faithful in this to learn how to love and heal my own heart too.