A Quiet Spirit

The reason I haven't written in the past few days is because I don’t feel inspired to write. I guess that’s a good thing. I go through periods where I can’t get myself to shut up (I talk to myself about things- everything, anything- incessantly) and quite frankly, I don’t remember a time in the past couple years where I have been quiet (in heart and soul)… but I think right now, I’m there.

I think.

Maybe not.

I HAVE been praying for that. I have hoped for that. I want nothing more than a quiet spirit and “together” presence. I read over Proverbs 31 a couple times this week and tried to meditate on the highlights of who I’d like to be (based on that). I’d like to be:

Someone trustworthy; Bring others good and not harm; Busy/productive; Not lazy (get up before dawn and let my lamp burn late into the night) – that’s gonna be a difficult one! I love to sleep (perchance to dream) at least 7 hrs- more if I can get it!; Organized; Energetic; Strong; A hard worker; Someone with a heart for the poor/needy; Creative; Take care of myself; Strong and dignified; Funny/ joyful; Wise – someone people can come to for advice and trust that it is good / solid / honest advice; A kind leader – someone who gives instructions with kindness

Charm is deceptive, and beauty does not last; but a woman who fears the Lord will be greatly praised. (Prov 31:30) – I thought about this for a long time because– well… I don’t want praise. I want to REJECT praise. I am working on minimizing my ego and demolishing my pride….I feel like the expectation of praise because I follow (fear) the Lord is detrimental to that. HOWEVER- I just thought about the fact (again) that it IS NOT ABOUT ME. “Praise” is not for ME…it’s for Him. It’s for the God of the universe who has done whatever it is that evokes said “praise” and the glory should be given back to Him and only Him. AH HA! Thanks for thinking through this with me!

I also thought a lot about “Charm”. That word is a sneaky word… when I think of it, I think of the patrons at a royal ball with their fancy clothes, masked faces and small talk. I think of façades – I think of people who are making calculated decisions on what to show the world. I feel like they are hiding something. Charm is deceptive and deceitful (is that the same thing?)… I don’t want to be charming. I actually usually have an insta-negative reaction to people who are “charming” because I equate them with serpents…I generally think they are sneaky and dishonest. That’s not fair either… I have no right to judge others or their motives. I can only take this and apply it to my life. How shall I apply it?? Hmmmm… (yes, I’m actually thinking. I’m going to stop typing for a minute and think. Please stand by…)… Yeah. Easy! I am just NOT going to put up façades. I am just going to be who I am- uglies and all! 

* Oooh… I just re-read my “who I want to be”/proverbs 31 woman stuff and saw the word “dignified”. I think that DIGNIFIED connotates (to me) an “honest” charm…a reserved charm. I think I’d like to be that instead please. :)

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[Dear Lord, please help me to become the kind of woman … the kind of person … the follower … that brings good and not harm to YOU. Help me to be someone who makes Your world a better place and makes you proud. I need you. I can’t do this without you. Please infuse my spirit with yours and help me to live for and by you. Amen.]