Tonight Ryan didn't want to do what I wanted (to talk and plan and share and get on the same page... I wanted him to come over to my apartment thinking it would be easier to research uv lights and water systems on my computer. He could get his laundry. We'd have air conditioning.
But he said he wanted to work on the fence so I met him over there. I was a mess... I had a rough day starting with the Paul stuff and then it got worse when I met the "bless-your-heart" BULLY who is Richard the farmer's wife who was shaming me for damaging his crops.... Jim drove his tractor in there and I went to talk to them and apologize and pay for the crops and she was making me feel like a jerk "why were you even near there?"... because we got stuck in the mud with a tractor while putting up a fence, lady. But I'm not strong and those people just have a way to slap me on my heart.
I wanted to share with him about meeting Busy Bee's Charles the arborist. And about the idea for the floors (just put it down in the living room for now).... and probably tons of other stuff... oh, the paint... there is hardly any difference between the sea salt and opaline which is vexing me some...but it is what it is. And decision to go with white on the upper kitchen cabinets. And plan for picking up the truck and trailer tomorrow... etc.
But he told me to go get stuff for him from his parents house...cigarettes and a trowel. I didn't get the right trowel so he came back with me to look for it. I ended up finding it... but he was just scowling the whole time.... when we got back he told me to measure and level the trench and I tried to tell him that it didn't matter about the low parts... just the high parts... I was just trying to get on the same page... but he flipped out again and quit and left. (He can't tolerate when I have questions or ideas or thoughts... just do as I'm told... he's the GC....blah blah blah.) A few minutes before that he said we'll finish the fence, then do the plumbing, then do the floors and that's how it's going to go. He was threatening and left no room for conversation.
I wanted to share with him about meeting Busy Bee's Charles the arborist. And about the idea for the floors (just put it down in the living room for now).... and probably tons of other stuff... oh, the paint... there is hardly any difference between the sea salt and opaline which is vexing me some...but it is what it is. And decision to go with white on the upper kitchen cabinets. And plan for picking up the truck and trailer tomorrow... etc.
But he told me to go get stuff for him from his parents house...cigarettes and a trowel. I didn't get the right trowel so he came back with me to look for it. I ended up finding it... but he was just scowling the whole time.... when we got back he told me to measure and level the trench and I tried to tell him that it didn't matter about the low parts... just the high parts... I was just trying to get on the same page... but he flipped out again and quit and left. (He can't tolerate when I have questions or ideas or thoughts... just do as I'm told... he's the GC....blah blah blah.) A few minutes before that he said we'll finish the fence, then do the plumbing, then do the floors and that's how it's going to go. He was threatening and left no room for conversation.
He broke up with me last week and that's fine.... we had a nice weekend working and playing together. It really is every 3 days. Today was going to be a scowl-mean day. I should have known. I can't do this. He can quit. I do so much for him... and he does so much for me... we are so good when Ryan is good. But he's not balanced and he blames it all on me and I take the blame to keep the peace (and DO learn lots...I deserve lots of blame... but the blame game isn't cool.) Anyway... He is in a place where he will get to determine the course of his life. It will take some radical humility to choose a happy and fulfilling life with me or others... but he may choose hermitdom... and that's his choice and his life.
I'm grateful to God for getting me this house. God-willing I will own it on Wednesday. It's my house, my project, my life and I hope it will be comfortable for sweet Moses too. He is stressed... this is hard on him and I'm hardly here. And it's so hot in the world!!
I'm grateful to God for getting me this house. God-willing I will own it on Wednesday. It's my house, my project, my life and I hope it will be comfortable for sweet Moses too. He is stressed... this is hard on him and I'm hardly here. And it's so hot in the world!!
Anyway...I'm going to let Ryan go. And do things the way I want to. I want to go get the floors tomorrow when I am partially there (I'll be in Raleigh to pick up the truck.)... and bring home the trailer... and hopefully be on my way... and I will learn how to lay floors and I will have to hire someone to do the plumbing and maybe to help me with the fence, but I can keep chipping away at that. This is me putting on my big girl panties.
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