I'm tired.
I don't want to be spoken to disrespectfully any more. I'm over the ego games.
Tonight in walmart, the straw that broke the camel's back was when Ryan got angry at me for encouraging him to cancel his Amazon order from an hour ago. There was a button to do so and I didn't think he saw it or was confused (he's not the best with technology). But he took offense to me telling him to do something he already knew to do. I wasn't overstepping or pushy, just responsive. I know this situation could be one where I am acting all hoity toity and as though I know better... I was just trying to help. He was acting like he wanted help and was showing me the screen. Anyway... it shouldn't be like this, with so much strife.
I'll go to Ireland alone.
I don't want to be spoken to disrespectfully any more. I'm over the ego games.
Tonight in walmart, the straw that broke the camel's back was when Ryan got angry at me for encouraging him to cancel his Amazon order from an hour ago. There was a button to do so and I didn't think he saw it or was confused (he's not the best with technology). But he took offense to me telling him to do something he already knew to do. I wasn't overstepping or pushy, just responsive. I know this situation could be one where I am acting all hoity toity and as though I know better... I was just trying to help. He was acting like he wanted help and was showing me the screen. Anyway... it shouldn't be like this, with so much strife.
I'll go to Ireland alone.
He thinks it's okay to speak to me with vitriol, call me names and insult me and anything about me as much as he wants. I've been watching. And I feel neutral now even... but done. It's not okay.
"He's just not that into you"
If he were, he would treat me with kindness.
"He's just not that into you"
If he were, he would treat me with kindness.
All the time.
I almost had to walk home in the cold but I looked it up and it was almost 2 hours walk and I'm in crocs so I got in the car when he offered me a ride - with the stipulation that we not speak.
I can't go to Ireland with someone like this. He's not safe. He could leave me in the wilderness.
I'm not afraid.
But I'm also not THAT dumb. I'm sort of dumb in that I've put up with this a very long time.
I almost had to walk home in the cold but I looked it up and it was almost 2 hours walk and I'm in crocs so I got in the car when he offered me a ride - with the stipulation that we not speak.
I can't go to Ireland with someone like this. He's not safe. He could leave me in the wilderness.
I'm not afraid.
But I'm also not THAT dumb. I'm sort of dumb in that I've put up with this a very long time.
But it's time to take my power back.
I love me.
Grateful for gym time with Patti today. It made me feel strong.
And great co-workers.
And my health.
I started back on my diet tonight. I bought the whole CarnivoreSummit series today too.
Back to me.
I feel more empowered. I'm not sad. I'm breaking free! (Of my own mess... allowing myself to be spoken to and treated like that. No wonder I've gotten fat and ugly and rotting on the inside....I'm slumped and dumpy... because I have believed the poison that Ryan has been feeding me... I forgot how amazing and vibrant I AM.
I'm not dumb. I'm smart. I'm not stupid or crazy or a bitch or all the awful things that come out of his mouth. And it sounds not bad here, but if you could hear all he said, you'd be amazed... it's powerfully AWFUL. And I'm done. I don't even want him to apologize. I don't want him to talk to me at all anymore. I'm fine with being done. I think and hope... at least right now. But I do see that he's not my guy.... I need to wait for the One who will see and love and encourage and uplift me... who is interested in nature and spirituality and growth. Who has an open mind and wants to explore our bodies, minds, and souls together. That's not Ryan. Ryan has a very small life and mind. By God's grace, he is opening it, but not in enough time to be with me.
I love me.
Grateful for gym time with Patti today. It made me feel strong.
And great co-workers.
And my health.
I started back on my diet tonight. I bought the whole CarnivoreSummit series today too.
Back to me.
I feel more empowered. I'm not sad. I'm breaking free! (Of my own mess... allowing myself to be spoken to and treated like that. No wonder I've gotten fat and ugly and rotting on the inside....I'm slumped and dumpy... because I have believed the poison that Ryan has been feeding me... I forgot how amazing and vibrant I AM.
I'm not dumb. I'm smart. I'm not stupid or crazy or a bitch or all the awful things that come out of his mouth. And it sounds not bad here, but if you could hear all he said, you'd be amazed... it's powerfully AWFUL. And I'm done. I don't even want him to apologize. I don't want him to talk to me at all anymore. I'm fine with being done. I think and hope... at least right now. But I do see that he's not my guy.... I need to wait for the One who will see and love and encourage and uplift me... who is interested in nature and spirituality and growth. Who has an open mind and wants to explore our bodies, minds, and souls together. That's not Ryan. Ryan has a very small life and mind. By God's grace, he is opening it, but not in enough time to be with me.
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