I want freedom to explore who I AM and what I want. God has arranged for this time for me. I want to be single. I want to date. I do NOT want to have sex with anyone except maybe Ryan. Maybe keep exploring sexuality with him but I should not get in a committed monogamous relationship with him. We tried to lock that down for a long time and there is a reason that the Universe didn't let that happen. Both of us have work to do on ourselves. Let him meet new people and learn what and who he wants.
Maybe we'll both choose each other. But maybe we will drift away or maybe it will be heartbreaking when he falls in love with someone else. But I need to let go and let God (and Ryan).
And focus on myself and what I want. Talk to other people and make other friends. Learn to put myself first.
Come back to getting to know ME. I need to explore what happened to me as a baby. And I need to read my blogger blog from 2010 on....
And come back to my heart for God.... my prayerful gratitude. And books and rest and nourishment. Thank you God!
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