I haven't written in a long time and I haven't been on the forums much - I think I'm just full to the brim with whatever else is going on energetically in and around me and the world. I'm sorry. I miss everyone. I have just had to go inward.
The last two weeks have been a hum-dinger. Attacks or integrations, I'm still not sure. SPEs or brain architecture upgrades? Both? Realignments or awakenings? Both? One thing is for sure, I am being given an opportunity to CHOOSE how to react. Do I choose fear or courage? Do I choose to trust God or myself (ego/mental body....or worse, others) to support me? Do I resist discomfort or do I accept and allow what is to unfold organically? Confusion... yes. But many opportunities to choose to surrender ego and respond with life-giving action rooted in love.
Probably around age 20 I first began to get a niggling that I was sexually molested as a child. It has come up in therapy over and over for 20+ years but the memories are not there. This past year as I've been learning about SRA, human trafficking and pedophelia, there have been energetic boulders moving around in me.
I know I'm tied to this in some way - whether ancestrally, past-life memories, wormholes for entities (YES. This one especially, beloved. They have been feeding on you all your life... this is an open wormhole where consciousness can come through back and forth.)... wow.. okay... so yeah... anyway. I'm not going to rehash the same things again, but lately there seems to be work in reconciling what happened to Cristy (what I, Carissa, was called until I went to college and what I still call my inner child).
God sent Gabe of Wellspring Eternal to help me earlier this week. There had been some shifts prior but his work unlocked some closed doors and provided a tipping point for some stuff to open up. (He is lovely to work with for anyone who that resonates with... I have so much love and appreciation for him. I also appreciate the way his mind works - seems to me that he sees energetic architecture pretty clearly and it helps him navigate it in supportive ways. I have appreciated the handful of practitioners that I've had an opportunity to work with - they are all different and wonderful in their own way.)
Aaaaaanyway, I had been on the fence... chickening out... about calling my parents to ask about some things. (I felt there was a connection to Freemasons and wanted to know if we had any in our family. I also wanted to ask about why I knew the Wizard of Oz pretty much by heart and have lots of conflicting feelings about it. We didn't watch TV much in our family so it was strange to me. A few months ago I saw in a thread how that could be related to SRA brainwashing and it stuck. My sisters have the same things with the Wizard of Oz.) The day of my appointment with Gabe... that night... I made the call. I was shaking but I did it. Turned out really amazing...I was not only able to ask my questions, but also shared context and what and why I was looking for it. This was especially difficult to ask my Dad because in high school my sister accused him of sexually abusing her as a child (she was in a facility after trying to take her life so they talked about this in therapy). She didn't have much of a case (other than our shared experience of seeing him naked while dressing in his room with my mom there - we laughed at his penis and he never did that again) and it was dropped, but it was horrifying for my parents, of course. So I didn't want to stir the pot, as you can imagine. But I did. And he was so kind and gracious. My Mom is a strong 3D woman and she doesn't like to give energy to anything that isn't positive - this type of uncomfortable thing is redirected so she wasn't very enthusiastic with helping (buried pain and dark mother too, I'm sure) but my Dad's love and willingness to help in any way was incredibly beautiful. Anyway, no Masons in the family that they know about and they rented Wizard of Oz once. We didn't own it. We DID talk some more about a nanny that I've been suspicious of for...ever.
I don't remember much about her but she must not have been very nice. I do remember her punishing me by putting me outside naked (or maybe with just underware) in the snow (we lived near Buffalo New York - brrrr) when I was like 6 years old. I also remember her making me eat some vegetables I didn't want to eat and I threw up, ha! Anyway, she was German and a live-in nanny who took care of me from when I was born until I was 6 or 7. Apparently she liked to party and on her days off would disappear until she had to be back for work. I think she had a drinking problem but in general she sounds fishy. I don't know though and I could be falsely accusing this lady but she has come up over and over and over. So after my conversation with my parents I've kind of landed on:
I think that my two sisters and I (all with very dysfunctional sexuality and personality or mood issues (etc)) were trafficked by that nanny while my parents worked. My high level of fragmentation, dissociation, debilitating fears my whole life, demonic influence, and personality dis-order leads me to believe that we were terrorized and potentially raped. Here are some journal notes from when I was processing earlier:
I've been ridiculously traumatized and mind controlled... sent through the most horrific experiences to create loosh... fear... (fear isn't even a strong enough word... terror is better)... terror. I was terrorized as a child - broken into a billion pieces.
I'm not a victim. <-- response to self when I start to think that my parents didn't even know. Why didn't they care?
I'm not a victim. <-- The V/V program is and will continue to try to take me down as I unpack this. I do not consent. I am God, I am sovereign and I am FREE!
Trigger words were set. Or something. Triggers. This was shown by the hypnotist at the amusement park - I don't even know what he did or said but it triggered me to jump on my seat and scream at the top of my lungs that the British were coming and I was absolutely TERRIFIED.
We are breaking bondage loops (ES) now. I do not consent to demonic influence. I do not consent to being a dark portal or dark mother or false king of tyranny. I do not consent to doing harm to any being or life or timeline or people or energy. I do not consent to being anything other than a Christ-Sophia being anchoring love and healing on this planet or any timeline or existence.
I've been damaged and broken. But by the grace of God, I am being repaired.
They wanted to mess up my Christic (Cristy) being and create reversal currents for my very strong and powerful self. I am intense. I am powerful. I want to be used for GOOD and not harm.
I've been targeted my whole life. Tyrone was an anti-HG TRAP. Catholic school. Just many opportunities for confusion. I fragmented everytime a trigger was hit. This is why my heart is on the right side (energetically) ... fallen tree-ishness. My sacral or 2nd sphere energy center is tilted to the left and is shifted to my left hip. I'm not in my body all the way. As Gabe recognized, part of me is back behind me... it's my lower area. Jammed out... all of this so I can't ground.
Fears were implanted. Terrors were implanted. I was mind controlled and traumatized to fall apart more and more.
Bi-wave kicking out my HOPE, that which I AM. Trained to disconnect from my Source and source of LIFE and energy so that I had to learn to feed on other people in order to gain energy.
My energy body is off. My grounding mechanism is off. Spiritual Help started coming around in about 2005 that I recognize and in 2010 it poured into my energy body... maybe put me back in place... a burst through correction... but then I gave myself away to demons again to knock me off kilter as I tried so hard in the flesh and ego to control and make what I believed was a God-given union look like I thought it should.
I was told it would be the hardest thing I'd ever do. Maybe this is all part of it. Did I agree to go down into the pits of hell so that I could work... surrender to GOD my way out? All part of the reclamation. To experience and overcome.
Even Michael is an exercise in choosing to try on misogyny and perpetuate the patriarchal domination lie in order to choose differently and reverse the reversal.
It's all so much.
The following resources have been directed for an in-depth study: Overcoming Fear (AG), Breaking Bondage Loops, and Geomagnatism materials.
This month's newsletter spoke to me as well. I know it sounds egotistical but I just feel so much that the work that is being done here is personally related to me. For example, all this from today was just in line with what I've been understanding about myself.
"The Consettia hierarchy has been known to appear to link into Black Tree of Life architecture to run dark aeonic pairing Qlippoth currents, supporting the Azazael and Black Lilith pairing as the anti-Christos-Sophia and Anti-HG Technology infrastructure. It was feeding from the Baphomet Network and running it back through the 8D Galactic core and into the parallel fallen system of Wesedrak. Since the Winter Solstice Gold Body activation, this has stopped. This hierarchy builds the dark flowering architecture through AI programming code, it generates lunar forms and inserts them into reversal rose grail lines in the earth to support and maintain the Anubian Black Heart systems."
Consettia - check, Black Tree of Life - check, Qlippoth - check, Anti-Christ - check, Baphomet - check, 8D hijacked gate - check, dark flowering - check, lunar forms - check, reverse grail lines - check, Anubian black heart - check. These are just a few of the concepts that have been on this last semester's syllabus and that relate to the reclamation of the Christ-Sophia I AM.
There were many parts of the newsletter and much of what I read in the AG that seems personal like that. Maybe it's just what I happen to read (random glossary picks, etc.) and maybe it's some sort of narcissism thing, but I feel so much to be a microCarissa for the macroEarth - all the distortions and wormholes and tricksters (NAA) is like a mirror back and forth. It messes with me sometimes (trying to get me to let go into madness) but I think it must be the case for all of us. Afterall, we are All ONE. So onward we go. This is a GIFT to help us recognize what's going on, bringing the light of consciousness to it.
Thank you for witnessing. I AM THE ETERNAL LIVING LIGHT. (So are you!)
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