Tonight’s talk was so so helpful! Of course I felt that Lisa was speaking to me left and right, especially in the first part of her talk about controllers ...and lying… etc… I know it makes me sound like a liar to say that and I don’t think I am one much anymore (wait, am I lying there?), but it’s a constant battle to be diligent about discerning truth. I seem to have access to multiple realities and it can be confusing so I have to really take time to connect to the truth vibration and reality that I am interacting in to find out what is true and what isn’t. (For example I almost fired off to someone today that I heard the same thing they did… I may have. I feel like I did…but then I realized that maybe that wasn’t true and still I’m not sure, so I didn’t say anything. This is a non-sensical explanation and possibly an unnecessary dialogue that may be trying to justify my behavior of lying…which I didn’t do. But I almost might have. This may not be a great example.)
Anyway, I didn’t realize I was a liar until last year but I really am...no...WAS!! … it comes from not knowing who I am, being fragmented and trying to be who I think I’m supposed to … Anyway, super good Ascension call and I need to listen to that first part again because some distractions came in, but long story short, this talk seemed like it was specifically for me and my bad self! (The dark part of my self, ha!) This must be what is referred to as “shadow work”.
Yeah, I’m just not sure what’s reality and what’s not. My biggest lie (maybe?) is that I pretend to be stupid. This started when I was really young. I don’t know why I associated being incorrect or not knowing something with gaining attention (energy vampirism). Maybe because when I know everything people dislike me. People don’t like know-it-alls. So I pretended not to know and now maybe I really stopped knowing. Not all the time, but this game definitely damaged me and my perception of truth. I pretend to be flakey. Even now the tone I’m using is that. It’s not exactly truthful or grounded in reality, so it is perpetuating this living a lie thing. There are so many games like this that I’ve played my whole life. Learning to step into my power and accept who I AM and not be fearful or afraid of what people think is what I need to really work on. But also trying to balance that with loving confidence where I remain energetically open so my authentic self (which is thoughtful and empathetic) can flow….while practicing humility (not as natural to me)…that’s the ticket.
Back to the call. I’m so glad for allllll the questions. Each one was perfect and I could relate and appreciate the answer. Dolphin’s question made me especially happy. Grateful for the revisit on this topic. I remember Lisa talking about it last month so that gave me understanding and ammunition for acceptance when it started for me.
I did a poll a couple weeks ago and found almost all my ES friends were experiencing the horrible lower back pain. Mine stared January 4th and can get so bad that it takes my breath away. No matter what position I’m in, it can hurt. It even wakes me in the night. It doesn’t hurt all the time but MUCH of the time it does. It’s mostly my sacrum area and also my left hip and side. I try to experience it as an opportunity to practice surrender, allowing, observation, and releasing transits (in case there are people stuck there - ha!). I heard in a practitioner (Gabe) session that part of my being (inner child?) was dislodged there as well (or something like that). I've also wondered if my body is working on healing/retracing old injuries like my broken sacrum. No matter what, I know it’s part of my spiritual work and trying to stay out of fear is a big part of it. I DO think it’s related energetically to my fallen tree and busted up base shield. I DO NOT want to leave my body and start over. I want to build my base shield HERE and now please. Just putting it out there. I already told God, but thought I’d say it here too.
I definitely have fractured consciousness and appreciate the reminder that we have to build a BALANCED body - mental, emotional, physical and spiritual. I’ve been building spiritually for a long time (16 yrs? 11 of which spirituality has been my reason for existence) but I've been disconnected especially from my physical body for pretty much my whole life. And my mental body is out of whack too (overactive), and it takes my emotional with it on rollercoaster rides. So this is all just good food for …. ACTION. Inspiration for action.
One last unrelated and random thought:
I don’t know if I told you here but I want to note that I wonder if I've had a spiritual vaccination of some sort - super weird and may be delusional but in maybe November a strange mark showed up right where one would be vaccinated on my left arm… it looked like a needle prick wound and there was about an inch in diameter bruising. It stuck around like that for at least a month and I can still see where it was. It’s really strange. Bug bite? Alien abduction with the anti-venom for whatever they are spraying around earth and shooting into humans? Pathcutting of sorts? That’s what I’m going with! Ha!
Okay, that's all. Just wanted to capture some of my thoughts on tonight's excellent call.
I'm so grateful to Lisa and Tomás for hosting us here in this container, field, and call!
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