Post about ... I have no idea - just thoughts I wanted to share, I guess

 Hello everyone! (<-- I added that hello later because for some reason I just JUMP RIGHT IN! So rude, right? Ha!)

Lisa said here :

"most of us realize that we are in a consciousness struggle between human Empaths and alien hybridized humans and extradimensional aliens that are Non-empaths."

I’m an alien-hybridized human in recovery. Right? Are we all? (Anyone can ALWAYS answer my questions or share their thoughts in my journal - I value people’s insights and experiences and appreciate the conversation.)

I came here last year sitting in the knowing that I was both an energy vampire/narcissist and empath/lightworker… half and half. Seemed weird to me at the time but now I’m understanding. Actually… I’ve been wanting to share this. Here’s my introduction to Lisa (my "may I please join the ESF community?” email from last year). I sound a lot more together than I feel now-a-days, but it provides insight about this dark/light split in me as well as seems like a valuable contribution for my spiritual journal:

Sent: Saturday, January 11, 2020 7:54 PM
To: Energetic Synthesis Foundations Sign Up
Subject: Re: Energetic Synthesis Foundations - Hi Carissa Wages! ES Foundations Subscription Next Steps

Hello Lisa Renee!

Thank you so much for your work and this community! I found your website a couple years ago and signed up for your newsletter which I look forward to each month. They have made more and more sense to me as I (and we as Unity/One) continue the ascension process and have provided valuable morsels to help me on my way thus far.

Now I’m ready for more. <--And by ready, I mean, it’s coming whether I like it or not - ha! (I intend it though - my deepest desire is to be a channel of Love and be of use to increase Light and part of “tikkun olam” - to heal the world.) I had a rough last few months - lots of emotional baggage came up for release and my heart chakra experienced a memorable opening. I’ve been fear-based my entire life and have lots of ego shedding to do. I’m grateful for the knowledge that I am both a recovering energy vampire and co-dependant/empath that gives energy away… I’m not sure if everyone is both, but I am…. was… I’m allowing it to dissipate by bringing attention to it and practicing non-resistance. 

I experienced my first (abrupt, radical, memorable) awakening where higher self merged with lower self in January 2010 and I haven’t been the same since. It’s been a wild ride. Since then I have heard what I’ve called the voice of God (it may be Source or guides or who knows… I don’t know… but I definitely have voices in my head (ha!) - I feel like this might be the audience that that is funny to. It was NOT funny to the doctors who I kept running to for help and understanding when I had what I (now) know to be symptoms of awakening.

Anyway, I love to read and learn and am grateful to the Universe who keeps supporting me with new materials. Right now I sense I am meant to join this group as we are leveling up. I have a big problem with ego/mind which tries to run the show - it has tried to be in control of everyone and everything and has really done some serious damage but I’ve been watching her and am beginning to get her number. I’ve asked her to leave body alone and stop trying to micromanage body, and I’ve asked her to allow spirit to lead as it should.

I’ve been reading on drlwilson.com’s website for years about souls and rogues and controller souls. I’ve sent him your material a couple times hoping he will connect - you both have similar understandings (though yours is much more complex), But I’m ready for more.

I have done the 12D shielding off and on and now see the tremendous need for it and I intend to do it every day now. I had read some of your free materials before but today I dug in more and there are so many riches right there - but I still thought I’d try membership for access to additional meditations, community, and resources. I appreciate and have read and understand (to the best of my ability at this time) the Member Guidelines.

Thank you for taking the time to read my response.
With Love,
Carissa

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So… now this is too long to share too much more. All this to say - I am in recovery and also getting to be an observer and sharer of this process. I have a ton of support. Yesterday I was guided to the Clearing Descending Serpent Fire meditation - PERFECT! I have been doing more of my own clearing - reading commanding personal space, clearing negative form, health upgrade, etc. But also generally do (at least) one guided meditation daily and sit in silence as well (though my mind is not silent - we have much practice to put in there). Today I’m led to the Lovingkindness meditation .

I’m learning more about the black subtle forces and recognized that I also had a hefty (imbalanced) load of yellow subtle forces in my life… I was really doing everything in my (Ai powered) power to keep from feeling the sadness that was actually driving me (beyond my consciousness). As I’ve mentioned before, I collected lots of diagnosis - some of which I was proud of (my demons were proud, I guess). Schizoaffective disorder was my favorite, but bi-polar since I started in the mental health system when I was nearing age 20, OCD, PTSD, generalized anxiety disorder, panic disorder, psychosis, major depression disorder, borderline personality disorder, ADHD for a minute… I don’t know… oh, PSSM (for sure - that was from hormones being way whacked)…. Anyway. These were all labels and tricks to hook me deeper into the system and their drugs (which really took me offline and into a pit of doom for a while). I was involved with that system for about 20 years, 5 of which I was pretty “awake” in… aka, my God-consciousness was with me, experiencing and teaching me through/in it.

Fascinating life. I really need to get back to what I was doing - listening to geomagnetism class and making soup and preparing to go sit in the sun and meditate. The sun is everything! Light codes! LIFE.

I really think I AM overcoming my astrology too. I had a peek at some of it yesterday and I think that I’m not as aligned with that magnetic imprint as I once was. We’re getting there.

Much love to all you dear friends who bear witness to my journey.
Love,
Carissa

Addendum:

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I think my point in posting that is that we are being healed. Just because someone is a narcissistic energy vampire (or some other kind of messy being) today, that doesn't mean that's who they actually are. There could be a starseed under there gaining intel and waiting for their next assignment.

Aren't we all (most?!) humans God-beings? Some are activated and some aren't...but the spark of God is within us all. And we, you and I, Light the fire in others through our Being/Love.

I am so grateful to Lisa for allowing me in this community despite my darkness. I'm sure she knew and could feel it. I remember being sick to my stomach when I read about the Annunaki and a deep knowing that I was somehow related to them came up. I had to confess it here (in some thread - I don't remember where) and I had such fear that I was going to get kicked out of this container of love because I obviously didn't belong... I was the enemy! Thanks be to God and Lisa/Tomás for allowing me to remain...and now I see that it's normal...many of us are clearing hybridization and closing the portals these beings use to influence in and through us.

Anyway... I have no idea what I'm rambling about. Just, apparently, had a few more drops of thoughts to share. MUAH!