Update and pondering SRA through music

Working with heartbreaking topic related to Paul who shared this with me yesterday about this song. I felt moved to share in ESF today.

I’m not sure where to put this but feel to share with my beloved soul family as I’m working through understanding and witnessing how my partner was SRAd through music at a young age and can’t help but wonder how often this happens? He shared with me that his first favorite song, at age 5….age 5...was called “N.I.B.” by Black Sabbath. (Lyrics: genius.com/Black-sabbath-nib-lyrics)

Here are some of the lyrics:

Oh yeah
Some people say my love cannot be true
Please believe me, my love, and I'll show you
I will give you those things you thought unreal
The sun, the moon, the stars, all bear my seal

Oh yeah
Follow me now and you will not regret
Leaving the life you led before we met
You are the first to have this love of mine
Forever with me till the end of time

Oh yeah
Now, I have you with me under my power
Our love grows stronger now with every hour
Look into my eyes, you'll see who I am
My name is Lucifer, please take my hand

Very upsetting to feel into. And then the sweet poor boy continued being drawn to that kind of music and saw the artists as role models. His dad died when he was 4 (in his arms - trauma) so he didn’t have a father figure…. thus ended up looking up to Angus Young of AC/DC.

He is still a professing “satanist”. (WHY GOD DO YOU HAVE ME IN THIS POSITION TO BE IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH A SATANIST???) The thing is… even though he’s got unpleasant (satanic) tattoos on his body - including the face of freaking Anton LaVey in a pentagram - he doesn’t profess or believe anything in particular. To him he sees it as a big “FU” to the Catholic Church. (He grew up in the Catholic religion - his Mom was devout.) He looks at satan as another…better... word for “God” or “quantum field”…. It’s so confusing and twisty and I haven’t yet nailed down understanding about his beliefs. (Note, I have always felt the krystic heart inside him - I see it sometimes and it’s so beautiful. Feeling we both took on this life to work with rehabilitating fallen architecture.)

The more I’ve leaned into the question “What is Satanism?”, I realize there are so many facets of it… and I have only begun my digging (I’m a little over a year in, but it feels like I’ve hardly scratched the surface).

Anyway, I wanted to share this note about how I’m feeling into the power of music and that I bet so many have been exposed to satanic ritual abuse… the cording (strangling) of hearts and minds through the black magic that is coded into popular music.

If anyone else has examples or thoughts around this, I’d love to hear them too!

Love,
Carissa



_____

Also, my suggested for today was: https://energeticsynthesis.com/resource-tools/blog-timeline-shift/2424-what-is-astral-bliss

Lots of good stuff there.

Saw 30/5:05 this morning so far.

___

You know what's weird is that I wrote about Paul's Anton LaVey tattoo this morning and he just (less than an hour after me writing that) quoted Anton in reference to something completely different (transhuman agenda). 

We really are VERY connected. I think he IS my soulmate. That's the answer for why God put me with a Satanist... because he's my divine beloved. And we have to work through our distortions together IN LOVE. 

The other day he was having a hard day at work and he was telling me about it and as he was writing "I need a hug" (which, of course, I couldn't see him writing it), I sent a note saying "Big hugs!"... lots of synchronicities. We are similar and twins in many ways. So I need to love him like I love myself (and frankly I need to learn to love myself!!

We've got hurricane (now tropical storm) Ian over us right now... lots of wind and some rain... supposed to rain for days. 

Yesterday I took my final exam and passed my Nutritional-Mineral Balancing certification program (a few days short of the allotted year! Eep!) There are so many possibilities with this now... the question is whether I will invest myself or not. Here's God saying "HERE is a career for you dear Cristy... one where you can help and counsel people...one that is not entirely based on the computer... one that you can scale how you like and work from where you like... make it your own. You're hired! You're your own boss! Do it darling! It incorporates health on all layers - physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual. YES. This is FOR YOU!!

Thank you God!

Saw 5:55 (twice) and 6:55 and also 6:54 and 6:44 and now it's 9:05.

Collective Fear

Am I feeling the collective fear around blood clots? Is it the collective fear around this hurricane (Ian) that has triggered such anxiety in me? Why are my veins being weird? Left lower leg especially. 

Supportive meds have popped up. Yesterday AM and PM we got "HGS Calibration" and I got "Addressing Fear of Death" and "OL Integrating the Shadow" as well as "OL Elemental Liberation" which coincided with some nightmare about Sioux having someone messing with her blood and trying to work all that out (along with me not feeling well - maybe the blood clot thing)... all in a dream/nightmare. 

This is all here for me to LEARN FROM. To LET GO of fear and allow whatever comes forward for witnessing. Feel it, don't fear it. Everything is okay, even to the point of death. Death doesn't exist. I am eternal. I will do my job here (living and experiencing what comes forward) as long as I am here.

I DO need to take better care of my body. All the sugar and shit needs to be done. Time to cleanse. I think tomorrow is the start date for that though. Tonight I've been invited to go to "Frozen" at DPAC with Page, Corie, and Jewel! So I need to get myself together. Period doesn't start for 9 days so it's not that triggering anxiety. 28/4:55am

28/5:55

Ahhh. Today's AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Shadow_Selves

Perfect.

Note that "Elemental" is 2D healing so very much related too... so many miracles.

Emotional

Super emotional. Feelings of anger, sadness, abandonment, grief, frustration, confusion... I felt into them for a bit in the shower and cried and danced and moved and slapped walls and threw washcloths around to feel into it.

Paul went to a horror movie that he's wanted to see. He's going on a date with himself. It's good. I felt like we made an agreement where he was going to use this time today to get his very long list of self-imposed prison items worked on and then we would get to hang out. I feel that I've waited all week to spend time with him and I felt he was abandoning me and our plan for this movie while at the same time wanting him to live his life and go see his movie. It's ridiculous.

The sugar from the cake we ate for breakfast surely doesn't help. I need to clear my body. After tomorrow (Corie is making a homemade carrot cake for my birthday)!

Yeah. Definitely sugar. And over-stimulation.

This time is good as I have so much to do myself. Even so much to process. I had so much love poured on me yesterday for my birthday.... incredibly thoughtful gifts as well as loving birthday songs and messages. Kelsey made me a whole linen outfit! Rosemary made me a hanging sculpture! Mr. Burch sent me a "Quackey Road" rubber ducky, Le'Anna took me to the Paperhand Puppet Show, my parents sent me flowers and money, Bean sent me a stuffed chicken and there's something else on the way, and the most surprising and moving one was where Paul - who doesn't celebrate birthdays - surprised me by decorating the house and getting me a cake and card because he knew how much it would mean to me! (I think if I resisted his stance it would have nailed it in, but by just letting things be as they are and him be as he is, it gave him the space to move through to that selfless and loving action item of setting aside his preferences to feel into how to love me. It was profound. 

I've been so dehydrated lately. 

Listening to some stuff on "satanism" which is also energetically messing with me.

Let's pray together - God, please guard and protect Paul as he goes into this horror movie. Strengthen his lightbody and aura and spirit and keep any entities or messages from sticking to him. Please keep him safe and show him what you want him to see. May he grow and be strengthened in all ways at all times. I ask for Guardian support and angels to surround and protect him. I ask for a Krystal star and diamond orb to surround and protect my beloved. 

What's "up"?

Tracking FEATHERS still. Big dreams about them to the point I got up and scribbled the word. I got a timeline reference to the Native America Holocaust as my AG pick last night so it could be related. Probably is.
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/America_Crusades,_Native_American_Holocaust 

Also feeling "pedophilia" is "up" for consciousness work. Keeps coming around. 

I'm exhausted.

At night big pain in my right side on the back... not quite where my kidney or liver is I don't think. I can't pinpoint it. Colon?

I was asking God why "Starling" felt "up" in the fields for me a couple weeks ago too. I watched "The Starling" and boo-hooed through it and there was something else notable surrounding a starling. And just now I see that Ayla has partnered up with 5 or so other ladies to start a band called "Starling Arrow"! Wow! 

What does it all mean??

AH HA. It's related to the AG pick that I just got and got recently... this is what it's ALL related to!!
https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Fallen_Seraphim

The feathers. The native americans. Ayla. Starlings. Everything. We are healing this out. This morning I don't know if it's from what I was listening to or dreaming about but there has been lots of GOLD. Oh yeah. It's the morning GOLD sun. But I saw it in my consciousness too and recognized that it was related to the Seraphim. 

Yes God. 
"winged ones"
pegasus too.
It's all connected.
3-6-9
masculine healing
Paul.
All of it. 
Not a drop is wasted. Well, I'd like to think that.

This, in particular, is resonant related to Paul. I felt it when I read it before and I can't really connect deeply right now because my vessel is defiled with sugar and wheat. I need to clean it out!!! But this is important:

Azazael was generated from the Azurite DNA genetic mapping in the Wesa matrix, so it is an AI hybrid shadow entity that has access to Azurite memories on Gaia. This also seems to be the main genetic lineages of the Dark Azriel or Dark Archangelic forces manufactured in Wesa as the AI hybrid shadow armies to conquer our Universe, that are purely satanic consciousness gestalts that were replicated into Fallen Seraphim lines. This entity’s tri-merge with AI generated Luciferian and Satanic consciousness is the result of consciousness uploading and brain mapping, through which the Pindar Draco Alien Dragon Moth creature takes on a human form to get around on the earth, but clearly is not human. ^[2]

Thank you God for these answers!

I am supporting the songbirds too... Ayla and the eggs she is sitting on in her nest. This is part of the Seraphim and Holy Mother healing. This part of my work. 

Happiness Is...

This was a topic...and I felt it was a profound understanding, simplified ... or it IS already simple... but it is one of these distilled truths that came through to me today and I sure hope I can remember. 

Paul and I met Kiran in Chapel Hill at the Botanical Gardens for a walk... it was so lovely. And on the drive over I worked with some of my own timeline trigger events in this life especially. I shared with Paul about my experience with Joe and went back there to feel into pieces of that. I was hurt that Paul didn't respond... at all... and that triggered me to feel into suffering and happiness and how they played together.

The insight had something to do with how we chase happiness in this life and resist suffering. This isn't it at all. Something about how to get to TRUE happiness we have to learn how to feel into our suffering. That, say, I may be in a relationship with, say, Paul, and look around and say "this isn't what I hoped for... I wanted someone who shows me affection, listens, likes the same things I do, wants to share experiences, travel, etc....yada yada yada... I WANT ____X____. And if I HAD "X", THENNNNN I'd be HAPPY. So I set aside what I DO have and wait or try to get this "X". But the truth is that I will only be truly happy if I go through my own suffering... if I feel into my own pain. I feel like I'm not getting the affection or attention or communication from Paul but I have CREATED this experience so that I can learn that I shouldn't be looking for that from HIM... it has to come from myself. It is MY hearing of my own stories, and my OWN processing and my OWN healing that matters. When I address it with ME, then we can move forward and I can learn to find happiness by living in my OWN life's FLOW. 

I am not here to experience happiness (only)... I am here to work on, to heal, to address miasma and collapse timelines and learn how to work with those pain points to address the roots of all that. 

Truly if I can do that and keep my grubby paws off Paul, and if I can increase my vibration and heal, this energetically supports him to do the same and we MAY ultimately end up in a joyful presence together.... but maybe not.... but that's okay too because we....no... because I would be doing what I came here to do. 

Feel into my fear. Overcome fear, pain, suffering, etc... all the miasma and distortions and inversions that I created in this life and other lives. I need to learn to love myself.

So the pursuit of happiness doesn't look like setting aside that which causes suffering to surface in order to run after things I perceive will feel better. No, it looks like feeling INTO that which is in front of me, LEANING INTO that which is hard. Feeling into it to try to untangle it. Happiness is on the other side of THAT. It's not running away from pain, it's feeling through it. Happiness is on the other side. 

Something like that.

We had a great day in Chapel Hill. Paul treated me like a princess. He took me to a consignment shop and found me so many linen things to try on and he bought me shirts and a skirt and sweaters and a purse/handbag. He took me to a cool coffee shop "One Eye Cafe", and to a Thai restaurant in a train car. We walked through the market and the little town.

The botanical gardens were great and our drive and deep truth and talks were great. 

We made love this afternoon for the first time in a LONG time and it was SO GOOD!

We ate dinner and watched a comedy movie and then he was watching another movie while I made images for Ayla and now we're going to go to bed.  It was a great day. I'm in love. There were some ups and downs but we are on our way. 

Feathers

Feathers have been top-of-mind this week. I found 3 lovely ones during our walk this morning.

AG pick today: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Emerald_Awakening

Yesterday's: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Reuniting_with_Holy_Father

Supposed to talk to Evangeline later today.
Bending Reality by Victoria Song is a FANTASTIC book!

Saw16/10:00 and 10:10 today

Heal

It's time to heal.

It's time to take my power back (again). 
It's time to see the truth.

The truth is that I am ALLERGIC to sugar. It makes me sick in body, mind, soul, spirit. It makes me crazy and delusional and dissatisfied and unmotivated and POISONS ME.

Television does the same. 

CHOOSE LIFE.

I want to CHOOSE happiness, satisfaction, health, joy and ORGANIC LIFE.

Everything comes down to organic vs inorganic life... there is a FORCE... organic life or God or Love or whatever you want to call it... the quantum field... that is trying to help me connect to my heart, to the fullness of all that is... to this "organic life".... that if I live in alignment and embody this truth I will live in the FLOW. 

And there is a force that wants to disconnect us from this. That wants to trick us into looking OUTSIDE ourselves ... outside our heart... to find this "flow". 

Looking to Paul for my love to be fulfilled = FALSE
Looking for substances for my comfort and happiness = FALSE
Looking to money or living situation for contentment = FALSE

Even looking for health or anything outside of my own satisfaction with my own relationship with my God-self = false... leads to false sense of peace. 

TRUE PEACE comes from being in ALIGNMENT with my SOURCE ENERGY which I can connect to only through my HEART.

My heart has been blown up and shut down and damaged so that it has not been a clear receiver as it is meant to be. 

Paul's heart is like that too. Have compassion. Love him. Let him have his experience figuring this all out too. This is what we came for. 

____

THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE

Also, there is no other person that will provide you what you are looking for.  It's YOU. ALLLLLLL YOU.

___

8:28 OmniLov3 post:

Also really grateful for this exploration and sharing. Thank you Sequoia and Kyla. The distillation to truth. Of truth? Truth. What's ours? Where does the interplay between Ai as well as other sentient consciousness touch and impact our own creative offerings?

Who am I?
What is truth?
Is the representation truthful?
I am really struggling with art and creativity - I don't know who I am or why I do what I do. Art as expression? Art as production? Art for the sake of art? Thinking of Sequoia and Elizabeth's art it feels like it is art as (divine) communication... lock and key. Light-codes. Art-codes. What about the layers? How do they all hit?

This isn't very coherent but it's helping me to work with some frames that I need to examine more carefully.

It seems like everything comes down to organic vs. inorganic/ai.

Organic: SOURCED (from Source) and heart-based, flowing through the open heart.
Ai: Inorganic, artificial, designed to keep us disconnected from our heart and focused on anything but Truth-Source.

Does what I put my efforts into fuel the organic agenda (building krystic architecture) or the inorganic one?

The "image generator" is an analogy for so many layers of consciousness as well.
Who am I?
What am I doing here? How do I do it? What is truth?

Thank you.
Sorry again but thank you.

SRA

This is it.

https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/SRA

This is one of the big burritos that I'm working on. Now.
My AG pick today. Yes. But my life pick too, aye?

I have been working with this energy - pulled the "safe passage for SRAd children" and even did that one with Roody on the night he was leaving. 

Explains the blood clearing - blood covenants. That meditation helped last night. I need to do it again. I am clearing it from my ancestry and blood and holding or transiting it on the macro as well. 

We've been very busy. 
Yes, helping with pieces of the Omnilov3 group's work. We're working this and it's hard. 

I shared that article with Shannon, Dr. Wilson and Paul. Paul didn't read it (I doubt the others will either), but immediately sent me back a link to something about the 11 tenets of satanism from LaVey's site. I deleted it immediately because it felt evil. 

I do not consent to participate with evil or excuse it any more. 

I confessed this to Paul who said he was trying to stand up for satanism because on that website one of the "rules" are to not hurt kids. 

He doesn't get it. It's not up to me to teach him.
I have an awakening in my fetal cells. I have a trembling in my tailbone. God, please awaken and open me to my purpose. May I be a light to the world. 
May I be honest.
May I be a force of love.
God, help me to align to truth. 

Guide me.

_____

So is flu benevolent? Was this a clearing and healing? A part of something bigger. Clearing through planetary and ancestral and physical pieces. 

I'm burping big burps. RRO. Clearing. Transiting miasma.

Last night (and possibly nights prior)I was dreaming of King Cakes... seemed to be clearing something with Paul. I was there with Paul, I believe. Last night there was a tray of sandwiches that were decorated like King Cakes. (Mardi Gras cakes... with beads and green, gold, and purple.) INTERESTING COLORS!! Emerald Order. Gold Order. Amethyst Order.

Nausea. Clearing Black Magic.

Been burning acid in my stomach, esophagus... for 2 weeks so far.

Colorado is no accident either... this is a major SRA clearing and that's a major hub. 

___

Speaking to Rosemary who reminded me that in Lisa's last call she said it could feel like we're poisoned... and that's what I'm experiencing. She also encouraged me not to go to Colorado which I'm leaning towards agreeing with. That would only be a week away and I can't even go to the dog park and back without getting exhausted. 

Working with fear - that I'll ALWAYS be like this, etc.... that this is the end... etc. All coming up for witnessing. So witness. Don't resist. Just be with it. 

She did warn me that the chamber... barometric chamber? That doesn't sound right. ... that breathing chamber causes severe detox symptoms. Nope. Not gonna do it. I was daydreaming of doing it thinking it would help, but nope. Not if it will make me worse. 

Paul went to go get red meat. We both felt we needed it. I wanted lamb. Maybe tomorrow. Today we're going to do burger. 

___

posted in OmniLov3:

It’s been really hard. Have had the “flu” (assuming ai weaponized version) for a week so far. While the fevers seem to have ended, I feel completely wrecked - poisoned, toxic - and so weak. My body doesn’t feel right. Feels like I’m dying. Anxiety comes and goes. I had a right ear infection 2 days but felt it was related to FKOT/lunar repair and it morphed to right eye for a bit confirming it - that was maybe 5 days ago.

Blood poisoning feels to be the name of the game. And supporting spleen and kidneys especially.

A few weeks ago I had that wound show up on my left knee and get very infected/staph and I feel the infection maybe came from a toxic poison leaking from my knee bone. Paul had a matching wound further down his leg - also on the gallbladder meridian. On both of us it looked like a snake bite. I got a fever and systemic infection and all organs attacked then too.

The day this flu started for me was also the day that my beloved rooster (dear pet of 6 years) was taken. I brought him in the house and slept in room with him - chills and organ/body pains and all. So many lessons given to me that day about surrender. I watched myself trying to impose my desires upon his death process - holding him and wishing he’d “let go”…but that was my own selfishness wanting anything to be other than it was. Usually we would help our animals cross but Paul was against it so I was called to be present with Roody’s suffering instead of trying to change it or short change him of his experience.

There has been an extraordinary amount of emotional clearing- crying, grief, sadness, anger, etc. this week.

Yesterday- or the day before? (it’s all a blur) I did CDS”protocol F” where you take a dose of CDS every 15 minutes for an hour and 45min. Soooooo much crying through that. (I was watching a sad movie too - “The Starling” - which helped.) I am trusting I was healing miasma and not poisoning myself worse.

Paul is on day 4 and in the same boat as me - weak and toxic. Michael (our neighbor and our friend who we got this from - who I had the opportunity to witness caduceus network with on his first 2 days) is on his day 9 and still not well.

Waffling between belief that this is a benevolent healing and a vicious attack. Either way, feels aligned to planetary healing. SRA and blood healing in particular. I sobbed through as I read my AG pick today (SRA). I’ve been dreaming about it and working with it a bit awake.

First thing I read this morning was this headline a friend sent me. Seems interesting considering what we’ve been hearing about.

www.reuters.com/world/europe/pope-dissol...titution-2022-09-03/

I’m sorry this isn’t put together very well. I’m typing on my phone from the bathroom. I started to write a prayer request yesterday (or was it the day before?) but opted not to as I know we are all going through it… but I need prayer - we all do - and I want to share. Trusting Guardians know what’s going on but it doesn’t hurt to ask for a little extra support.

God, teams, please protect our family and bodies and earth and homespace. Please strengthen and/or straight up build our shields to guard us. Please heal Paul and Michael and I and all who are inflicted with this. Please protect our dogs, horse, chickens, and all our loved ones in the colors and sound and name of Christ-Sophia.

There’s more I just need to rest.

Roody sent me a shooting star of love as he left his body. It was strange that he waited until I stepped out of the room before he transitioned. I was there all night so he wouldn’t be alone but he wanted to. I wasn’t gone more than 10 min and off he went.

I saw a giant Aurora rooster-eagle in the clouds yesterday that I think Roody sent.

Enough.
How was YOUR day? How are you guys holding up?

Love,
Carissa

Lacking Compassion

Paul and I are both lacking compassion, this is the Father element... we are being called up to heal the FKOT which means finding and tapping into compassion. We withhold our love and attention ... why? Does it make our egos feel stronger? Do we resent the person who we feel is trying to "milk" us of "pity"? What is that about? But at the same time, we are doing the same thing. I'm desperate for him to "care"... and he's the same... and it enrages me to have him just operating out of his painbody in weakness and moaning and whining, waiting for me to offer to help so he can just moan more. He did nothing for himself for the first 2 days and was just going to let himself die. I begged him to drink and made him all these things. I begged him to shower or bathe and made him baths, peppermint compresses, hot water bottles, etc. But he didn't want to do anything... he just kept resisting my affection. 

So I look at that affection and recognize it is defiled. It is DM trying to force MY plan on him. 

I don't know how to live.

I feel bad in my body.
I'm lonely and feel unloved.
I LOVE YOU DEAR ONE.

And that needs to be enough.
I thought it was over between Paul and I but I pulled two meditations yesterday and got "Aeonic Pair" something and "Unioning" and felt like God is saying to just let God lead.

I can't see it. 
I can't see him learning how to "man up". 
That's what Smooth Via said to Joe before we separated too.... that Joe needed to "man up"....and that's the truth. A man takes responsibility for his family. He loves his family. He guards, guides, provides for, and cherishes his family. 

Paul never had a father figure to show him how to do this. But he has the wisdom in his own heart and reads lots of books so God could show him.

But I don't want to be with a Satanist.
That's just his "religion"... a piece of it... doctrine... false architecture and understanding that God can smash in TRUTH if it's meant to be. 

NOTHING is as it seems.

You ARE loved, honey. I love you. It's you and ME. 
And yes... you need to eat and drink something sweet one. I love you.

7:34/5

I almost put in OmniLov3 forum but opted not to:

Requesting prayer for flu or bio-weapon fallout. I'm on day 6 and it is almost getting worse. Feeling blood clearing. Felt that my crux implant/left knee septic wound was maybe leaking from knee bone a couple weeks ago. Organ repatterning. Spleen and kidneys and lungs and liver and heart and ... all of them. Just loving them. Been crying lots - so much grief and sadness rising to the surface.  Today I yelled at Paul - anger, bitterness, resentment... it's all pouring out of me and I think it's miasma that was stored in my blood. Yesterday I did a course of CDS "protocol F" which really weakened me but also so much crying (as I was watching a sad movie as I was taking it... that protocol is 8 doses of CDS in 1hr 45 min). I don't know if it was helpful or harmful but I'm not "better"... but I am burping some (seems like clearing and rro)... I don't know if I should post here. I just would love all the help I can get. Fear of death energy came up here for witnessing and surrender again. But my body is uncomfortable. I have a dry swollen mouth and tongue along with fever that comes and goes and constant lethargy and .... 

Not sending this. God knows. God sees. 

____

No more sugar. 

So sick

I just had a good cry - wail - moan - oh man.....  9:27 .... it's hard. I remembered about Protocol F for CDS for covid (I'm pretty sure that's what this is... my taste buds do seem to be gone now too. I just took my first dose of CDS and didn't taste it.)

I was determined to just be loving and kind to Paul and to not TRY to help him... to impose my beliefs on him... but I said it and promptly started trying to "care for him" by suggesting.... water... movement... whatever.

I mean, part of it is his own pain body convincing him he's sick and he's playing the role. I see him playing the role. I also know he's very sick. But when no one is looking he can perk up and he still found energy to do his solitaire and majong and play on his phone and he was acting slow and sluggish and moaning and then when he got a message back from Allison he nimbly checked his phone and responded. So I see. But he doesn't. And again... he IS sick. Gosh, I'm still feeling like crap and I'm on day 5. But I've been taking care of all the animals and myself and Paul and trying to help Michael. I'm wearing myself out.

Last night I was up all night... insomnia. Just couldn't sleep. But tried to be with the insomnia. And did lots of meditations... supportive ones that were picked by God for me:

Cosmic Prototype of Sacred Union (heavenly male and heavenly female)
OL Emerald Heart Kidney Triading
OL Solar Orbit (I couldn't hear most of it because of A/C but the last part was on point)
Pullllllled Diamond Pillar Liquid Mind Spirit but stopped it to do 
Clearing Negative Form

Health Upgrade
Soothing Core Meds
HGS Calibration

I need to care for myself. And love others. God. I am so tired and don't want to be in control anymore. It's too hard. 

I want to live, yes. I do. I want to live abundantly and freely and in love. 

Thank you for our dogs and animal friends. Please heal Sioux's hooves. She needs new hay... nutrients. Please heal Michael and Paul and everyone. Thank you for this experience. Help me to be brave. And to learn what my soul wants to learn - easily and quickly please. 

You're doing well, love. Feeling. BE HERE NOW. 4/9:44... which reminds me that I saw 4:44/4 in the middle of the night (started with 4:42/4 (Moses wanted to go out).

4/4:32

"You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror'. I can take the next one that comes along. You must do the thing you think you cannot do."~Eleanor Roosevelt

HOPEFUL: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Emerald_Order_Reclaiming_Human_History

Feels like we're really wrecked here. I cried so much during the PROTOCOL F and my body feels pretty beat up but I'm trusting it is clearing pathogens. "The Starling" moving was very supportive to help me process and cry. Much grief and sadness. Feel it. 

This all has meaning.

8:50

Much purging today. Detox. Yes. Healing. Clearing. Feeling. Crying. I love you. You don't have to figure it all out. Just be honest. And learn to love. (What you've been doing isn't it.)

Remember he's a mirror

Remember he's a mirror when you see him acting out in his pain body. 

Let's look at the disgust I feel. Anger and disgust that he acts like that when he's sick when he didn't have an ounce of compassion for me when I was. Until yesterday. Yesterday he showed me a tiny bit of kindness and felt my forehead and said it felt like I had a fever (when I was saying that I didn't think so)... but he was nice. He also went to the store for stuff for us... but mostly I think he wanted stuff for his grilled cheeses and soup that he decided he wanted. (I tried but couldn't eat much of it.)

I was sick with these same body aches and pains and chills and fever but I had to take care of Roody and I had to deal with Paul's emotional drama and I had to get up to take care of his breakfast/lunch and see him off to work. I had to vacuum the house and do my work for Malai.

Michael is still not well either and I've been trying to take care of him. I'm on day 4. Still fever on and off. (I still haven't TAKEN my temperature which I think has been a good choice, thank you Wes for inspiring it.) But I know that I'm still on the mend and I need to take care of myself.

Paul laid there all day. Wouldn't drink. Wouldn't take care of himself at all - I mean, I was doing the taking care... I was just asking him to sit up and drink and maybe take a shower or bath. He is now in the bath so eventually I guess it worked but that's because Crickett just convinced me that he was going to die if he didn't get some fluids. My parents convinced me that we all have the C-word which is really just a flu anyway... it's a flu. The other is a fear-mongering concept, so I need not worry about it... see it for the dark portal attack it was. But we DO need to care for our bodies.

So when Paul decided he would get up (after I threatened to call an ambulance), he was talking to Manson and leaning on Manson like Manson was the one "there for him". The theatrics are fascinating.... and infuriating. 

This is the lunar distortion... and I think we're working with lunar false king of tyranny which is why my right side of my head and face have been getting upgrades. Ears yesterday and today and eye today. The whole thing. And the vein on my right side is bulging. Upgrades. 

I want to "take control" and "leave Paul". I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore. He is not a man to me. He hasn't behaved like one - he hasn't been a compassionate, loving, banks-to-my-river albion structure. He is like a little boy and he just wants to GET whatever he can to soothe his lusts. I mean, he also does show interest in spiritual matters and I believe he's being awakened... so I need to honor that and I believe he will awaken his heart and step into the magnificent being... or rather, allow the magnificent Being he IS to step into him... to embody his higher self.... but he's not there yet. 

Am I supposed to hang on until he does?
I'm getting a "yes" and I ... sigh... hate that. 
It's so hard. 
He's such a selfish taker. So are you, beloved... this is helping you to heal. See it. Learn. Compassionately witness it. COMPASSIONATELY. That's the ticket. You've been bitter... allowing it to cause resentment. You are working on it, we see. We know. You are 7:44 also trying to step more into a "service to others" mentality and I think that's great! 

Coming back to our mission: "Give. Love. Serve." 

It starts at home. 
And you need to learn to give-love-serve with a KIND heart, dear one. Service with bitterness and resentment cancels it out. 

Roody died

....at a little after 4am. It's 4:30 now. I was outside with Moses, probably at 4:15ish (when I was born) and a shooting star flew across the sky, right in my sightline. A gift.

I slept next to Roody all night. At 11:04pm I awoke and it was silent and I thought he was gone (he had been breathing so loudly - the death rattle - for a day or two. Anyway... I got up and was going to move his body and move my stuff. (I am working with a fever and flu here so I was going to go back to our room.) Anyway, turned out he wasn't dead. Just very quiet and had laid down.) 

So I came back and stayed with him until Paul got up at 4am. At that point Roody was standing again. I had heard him have diarrhea in the night and I hoped maybe he was rallying. I was going to give him more medicine and water in a bit. 

So I went outside with Moses who was just sitting looking at the stars and then came in to check on Roody and he was gone. It was like he was waiting for me to leave to go. I don't know why. I hope he knows... he knows... how much I love him. He was just one of those people that want to get naked out of their body in privacy, I guess. 

When I thought he died at 11:04 I did the safe passage for loved ones again and felt the Mother's aquamarine light around us. He was loved and cleared and precious and I am so grateful for his life. Rest in peace dear friend.

I asked Paul to help me bury him and he was passive-aggressive and cold. Resentful that I asked him to maybe cut down on his time playing games (he goes to work 45 minutes early to play brain games and play on his phone). I wanted to bury Roody as a family... but not with that awful energy. And I decided not to. I'll do it later when the sun comes up. Maybe Michael will with me. 

Michael is kind and compassionate and thoughtful. He is what a man is supposed to be. He does have these strong q-anon beliefs that made it too hard to be in a relationship, not to mention that we were 23 years apart. But we get along. We care about each other.

Paul is the most selfish and self-centered person I know. First thing I told him that I've been feverish off and on all night (I think it broke now, I hope), and he responded with he has a sore throat and fever too. This obviously means that he shouldn't go to work to spread it, but he doesn't care. He either doesn't have it and is lying (which is possible) or he just genuinely doesn't care about other people.  Which is likely. 

This is the satanist agenda. This is what he has tattooed all over his body. This is what he believes in - it's all about #1. 

Zero tenderness or care or compassion. I asked him for it even and nothing. He said "a man goes to work". Because I was asking him to step up and look after his family. We aren't his family to him. Only Manson is. He always makes Manson go with him to the bathroom (where he spends most of his time at home playing on his phone - scrolling Instagram and YouTube), and to bed with him where he snuggles him at night. He says goodbye to him in the morning and just expects me to walk out with him and blow him kisses (after making his breakfast and lunch) and he gives nothing. 

The only time he "gives" is when he thinks he's going to get something back. He hasn't offered to help me at all. I celebrated the little things he does.... I think in the last week the one chore he's done is he took out the garbage. Nothing else. But he took care of the chickens (though he didn't pick up food and he put on the light) when we were at the hospital. He forgot to do the other house but a miracle came through as Wes did it.

Wes is another selfish and self-centered one. 
Carissa is too. Let's be honest.
I WANT for someone to "care"... to have "compassion".... to "help".... but that's my desire to take from another. How can I meet my own needs? How can I "DO ME AND LET PAUL BE"???

God! Help!
I want to leave. I want to run away. But I don't want to "fail" my mission. I feel like there has got to be a loving and kind man out there for me but maybe it's Paul if I just stop pushing. It's MY pulling that puts him in a position of RESISTANCE.

How can I be patient and just let him be. Let him do whtever he wants. Don't question. Don't expect. Don't judge.

I just had a taste of someone who loved me - who cared about my broken heart when my beloved Rooster friend is sick and dying. Who cares about and celebrates my success when I make progress (finally) on my certificate program. Who cares about my health and if I have a flu, wants to take care of me. 

But that's all my desires. I have to learn to be my own parent. To meet my own needs. To do my own life. To clean because it needs to be done, not to make someone else happy so that they like me.

I'm very sad and... I was going to say brokenhearted, but my heart is mending. I'm growing and healing and thanks be to God for this! My organs, including my heart, and my body is strong and take good care of me. 

I need to take good care of me. 
Let's do an AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Basic_Universal_Lessons

Perfect.

5:05 9/1

"To receive more love, we must become more loving." -from that article above.

5:15

Let's not forget that there was a SHOOTING STAR when Roody passed. That was magical!!

1/11:38

My Gathering Page glossary pick was: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Aging_Disease

After I just shared this with Paul:

And I feel that's what we're working on here in my body to support the planetary body.

My pendulum helped me have peace that it IS safe to go to Colorado. I know I need to go. It's bigger than me. But I also need to overcome my fear. Fear of death. Fear of stroke. Fear of veins and blood and all that... it's tied to something bigger. I need to go support and love on my cousin. I need to go clink into the grids there for a reason. I need to go.

My "suggested for today" was "Into the Void". Yep. 

And my affirmation was "I am the master, power, and cause of my MIND". Yep.

And my quote of the day was John Lennon's "Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one."

1/11:43

Email to Mr. Burch... we email every day. But I told the story about Roody and wanted to keep it:

How wonderful! (All of it!)

Autumn - right on time with it being meteorological fall! ;)

My Dad watched it and was pleased to see that it was being cared for. ;) All that stuff they said about Pappy in the video was actually my parents. It was their creativity, passion, and sweat that made the parks they worked for shine. I feel bad that they don’t get recognition for it… but it is what it is. 

I’ve had a rough couple days. Michael has the flu and had a frighteningly high fever. We went to urgent care one day and the ER the next (which was a nightmare). Nothing they can do anyway but they put my mind at ease that the shaking he was doing was the body’s cooling mechanism… looked like pre-seizure to me and scary. Not to mention the cognitive symptoms (including him wanting to drive around in that state and get money he didn’t have to send to a strange lady (who was a scammer))!! Anyway… trying to help him and hold the fort down and my precious Roody (my main chicken man) was sick too so trying to help him…. It was a lot. Long whiny story short, I ended up getting sick (which I really need to go lay down again but I need to work for a bit), and Roody died last night. 

I slept next to him all night and thought he stopped breathing at 11:04 and was tending to moving the body when I realized that he had not passed. At 4am I got up with Paul to help with his breakfast and lunch and Roody was standing again. I thought maybe he was going to rally. I went outside with my dog who was stargazing and I saw an incredibly beautiful shooting star. I went back inside a few minutes later to check on Roody and he was gone. 

I guess he was waiting for me to LEAVE the room for him to go. Which is interesting. But I am sad. He was about 6 years old and my main chicken man. He’s the reason we built 2 beautiful chicken houses … he was my buddy. I’m going to miss him. His girlfriend Rose was worried too. She told me she was worried so I brought her in the house to show her where Roody was and put her in with him and she just kept rubbing against him and laid down next to him. Paul thought he might be contagious so took her out but she was so sweet. I let her see his body this morning too so she knows what happened.

Your namesake, Burchie, my sweet Burchie, is still living the dream in the big field with all the hens. (Roody had moved to my yard… a decent sized yard with a BIG chicken house…after his son, Sweetpea, took over the flock and started attacking him. But he used to have the run of 4 acres too!) I thought about bringing Burchie over but he’s so happy. He’s “second in charge” over there… Sweetpea is the boss, but Burchie is happy. It wouldn’t be as fun over here. We have Prince and his whole family here - they are sikies and much different (not so smart). It is what it is.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I need to work and rest. 

I hope you have a wonderful day and that your bacon pizza was delicious!

Love, 

Grasshopper

1/11:54
12:21. I got 12:12/1 in the middle of the night and 11:22 and others. 4:04

Lots of numbers today - 13:31/1 15:15/1 2:12/1 

I realized when I was in the bath that that shooting star was Roody waving goodbye... a kiss and blessing from my beloved. 

I'm sad that I lost all my photos... I had so many of him....but not many anymore. He is in my heart. Let go of the earthly shakles. 

5:15 1/6:06