Roody died

....at a little after 4am. It's 4:30 now. I was outside with Moses, probably at 4:15ish (when I was born) and a shooting star flew across the sky, right in my sightline. A gift.

I slept next to Roody all night. At 11:04pm I awoke and it was silent and I thought he was gone (he had been breathing so loudly - the death rattle - for a day or two. Anyway... I got up and was going to move his body and move my stuff. (I am working with a fever and flu here so I was going to go back to our room.) Anyway, turned out he wasn't dead. Just very quiet and had laid down.) 

So I came back and stayed with him until Paul got up at 4am. At that point Roody was standing again. I had heard him have diarrhea in the night and I hoped maybe he was rallying. I was going to give him more medicine and water in a bit. 

So I went outside with Moses who was just sitting looking at the stars and then came in to check on Roody and he was gone. It was like he was waiting for me to leave to go. I don't know why. I hope he knows... he knows... how much I love him. He was just one of those people that want to get naked out of their body in privacy, I guess. 

When I thought he died at 11:04 I did the safe passage for loved ones again and felt the Mother's aquamarine light around us. He was loved and cleared and precious and I am so grateful for his life. Rest in peace dear friend.

I asked Paul to help me bury him and he was passive-aggressive and cold. Resentful that I asked him to maybe cut down on his time playing games (he goes to work 45 minutes early to play brain games and play on his phone). I wanted to bury Roody as a family... but not with that awful energy. And I decided not to. I'll do it later when the sun comes up. Maybe Michael will with me. 

Michael is kind and compassionate and thoughtful. He is what a man is supposed to be. He does have these strong q-anon beliefs that made it too hard to be in a relationship, not to mention that we were 23 years apart. But we get along. We care about each other.

Paul is the most selfish and self-centered person I know. First thing I told him that I've been feverish off and on all night (I think it broke now, I hope), and he responded with he has a sore throat and fever too. This obviously means that he shouldn't go to work to spread it, but he doesn't care. He either doesn't have it and is lying (which is possible) or he just genuinely doesn't care about other people.  Which is likely. 

This is the satanist agenda. This is what he has tattooed all over his body. This is what he believes in - it's all about #1. 

Zero tenderness or care or compassion. I asked him for it even and nothing. He said "a man goes to work". Because I was asking him to step up and look after his family. We aren't his family to him. Only Manson is. He always makes Manson go with him to the bathroom (where he spends most of his time at home playing on his phone - scrolling Instagram and YouTube), and to bed with him where he snuggles him at night. He says goodbye to him in the morning and just expects me to walk out with him and blow him kisses (after making his breakfast and lunch) and he gives nothing. 

The only time he "gives" is when he thinks he's going to get something back. He hasn't offered to help me at all. I celebrated the little things he does.... I think in the last week the one chore he's done is he took out the garbage. Nothing else. But he took care of the chickens (though he didn't pick up food and he put on the light) when we were at the hospital. He forgot to do the other house but a miracle came through as Wes did it.

Wes is another selfish and self-centered one. 
Carissa is too. Let's be honest.
I WANT for someone to "care"... to have "compassion".... to "help".... but that's my desire to take from another. How can I meet my own needs? How can I "DO ME AND LET PAUL BE"???

God! Help!
I want to leave. I want to run away. But I don't want to "fail" my mission. I feel like there has got to be a loving and kind man out there for me but maybe it's Paul if I just stop pushing. It's MY pulling that puts him in a position of RESISTANCE.

How can I be patient and just let him be. Let him do whtever he wants. Don't question. Don't expect. Don't judge.

I just had a taste of someone who loved me - who cared about my broken heart when my beloved Rooster friend is sick and dying. Who cares about and celebrates my success when I make progress (finally) on my certificate program. Who cares about my health and if I have a flu, wants to take care of me. 

But that's all my desires. I have to learn to be my own parent. To meet my own needs. To do my own life. To clean because it needs to be done, not to make someone else happy so that they like me.

I'm very sad and... I was going to say brokenhearted, but my heart is mending. I'm growing and healing and thanks be to God for this! My organs, including my heart, and my body is strong and take good care of me. 

I need to take good care of me. 
Let's do an AG pick: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Basic_Universal_Lessons

Perfect.

5:05 9/1

"To receive more love, we must become more loving." -from that article above.

5:15

Let's not forget that there was a SHOOTING STAR when Roody passed. That was magical!!

1/11:38

My Gathering Page glossary pick was: https://ascensionglossary.com/index.php/Aging_Disease

After I just shared this with Paul:

And I feel that's what we're working on here in my body to support the planetary body.

My pendulum helped me have peace that it IS safe to go to Colorado. I know I need to go. It's bigger than me. But I also need to overcome my fear. Fear of death. Fear of stroke. Fear of veins and blood and all that... it's tied to something bigger. I need to go support and love on my cousin. I need to go clink into the grids there for a reason. I need to go.

My "suggested for today" was "Into the Void". Yep. 

And my affirmation was "I am the master, power, and cause of my MIND". Yep.

And my quote of the day was John Lennon's "Imagine all the people living life in peace. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. I hope someday you'll join us, and the world will be as one."

1/11:43

Email to Mr. Burch... we email every day. But I told the story about Roody and wanted to keep it:

How wonderful! (All of it!)

Autumn - right on time with it being meteorological fall! ;)

My Dad watched it and was pleased to see that it was being cared for. ;) All that stuff they said about Pappy in the video was actually my parents. It was their creativity, passion, and sweat that made the parks they worked for shine. I feel bad that they don’t get recognition for it… but it is what it is. 

I’ve had a rough couple days. Michael has the flu and had a frighteningly high fever. We went to urgent care one day and the ER the next (which was a nightmare). Nothing they can do anyway but they put my mind at ease that the shaking he was doing was the body’s cooling mechanism… looked like pre-seizure to me and scary. Not to mention the cognitive symptoms (including him wanting to drive around in that state and get money he didn’t have to send to a strange lady (who was a scammer))!! Anyway… trying to help him and hold the fort down and my precious Roody (my main chicken man) was sick too so trying to help him…. It was a lot. Long whiny story short, I ended up getting sick (which I really need to go lay down again but I need to work for a bit), and Roody died last night. 

I slept next to him all night and thought he stopped breathing at 11:04 and was tending to moving the body when I realized that he had not passed. At 4am I got up with Paul to help with his breakfast and lunch and Roody was standing again. I thought maybe he was going to rally. I went outside with my dog who was stargazing and I saw an incredibly beautiful shooting star. I went back inside a few minutes later to check on Roody and he was gone. 

I guess he was waiting for me to LEAVE the room for him to go. Which is interesting. But I am sad. He was about 6 years old and my main chicken man. He’s the reason we built 2 beautiful chicken houses … he was my buddy. I’m going to miss him. His girlfriend Rose was worried too. She told me she was worried so I brought her in the house to show her where Roody was and put her in with him and she just kept rubbing against him and laid down next to him. Paul thought he might be contagious so took her out but she was so sweet. I let her see his body this morning too so she knows what happened.

Your namesake, Burchie, my sweet Burchie, is still living the dream in the big field with all the hens. (Roody had moved to my yard… a decent sized yard with a BIG chicken house…after his son, Sweetpea, took over the flock and started attacking him. But he used to have the run of 4 acres too!) I thought about bringing Burchie over but he’s so happy. He’s “second in charge” over there… Sweetpea is the boss, but Burchie is happy. It wouldn’t be as fun over here. We have Prince and his whole family here - they are sikies and much different (not so smart). It is what it is.

Anyway, thanks for listening. I need to work and rest. 

I hope you have a wonderful day and that your bacon pizza was delicious!

Love, 

Grasshopper

1/11:54
12:21. I got 12:12/1 in the middle of the night and 11:22 and others. 4:04

Lots of numbers today - 13:31/1 15:15/1 2:12/1 

I realized when I was in the bath that that shooting star was Roody waving goodbye... a kiss and blessing from my beloved. 

I'm sad that I lost all my photos... I had so many of him....but not many anymore. He is in my heart. Let go of the earthly shakles. 

5:15 1/6:06