I've been putting off... making excuses... doing all sorts of dances around... creating a journal in this space. I'm not especially coherent now but feel that it may be supportive to spend some time here with ya'll.
I've been on both ends of the polarity spectrum in many ways today. The first part of the day was mostly hopeful and happy (as today I was going to get to ... I DID get to... go see a healer (chiropractor/frequency lab naturopath soul sister). 2022 was a toughy and I'll unpack that if called to at another time, but financially we didn't have the ability to prioritize bodywork. Perhaps the lack of that kind of support added to the challenging year? Anyyyyyway, we are trying to find a better way to feel some semblance of control (as red wave vv cast its spell to divide and conquer the relationship of two control freaks) ....so we have decided to split finances and see if that helps. I'm excited for the autonomy to make the decision to do this for me... I need it...or think I do anyway. It's 2+ hours in the car and pretty expensive...today's visit was $150, but she gave me a supplement that will hopefully help with the dizziness and massive hair loss that came on me 12/12. So I was very excited to be getting help and felt great about it. While there it felt like some stuff came up related to my heart which is a significant trigger for me.... so when I got home I started not feeling well and at dusk I started having a panic attack for an hour or two and swimming in fear and darkness.
I hate this message. I don't know what to say. There are so many layers and things and I just want to lean in and hug all of you here. I just feel like I need to feel the softness and warmth of your love. It's been a really hard year. (sobbing) I feel like we are on the precipice or already stepping into something beautiful and that GOOD is with us. I just am still having a hard time... it's so much ego mess... so much fear. I'm reading the "Emotion Code" right now and feeling like, yes, there are definitely stored traumas in all or many of my organs and body parts and I want to release them. Seems like we've got this going on from our personal incarnations as well as ancestral/DNA lines, AND planetary traumas. It's a lot.
One that has risen to the surface in the last day or two has to do with my birth process... I got stuck in my mom's birth canal and I think I might have been face up or something....I can't remember exactly...but I got stuck and I think there is a stuck emotion there having to do with fear. My parents lived in Puerto Rico and there was a language barrier for them and I know that my getting stuck was scary, but then with the language barrier...the frustration of not being able to communicate clearly...maybe that made it worse? So I probably picked up THEIR fear on top of the whole "leaving the warm and safe womb" fear.... and that was how I came into this world. Fear colors everything and makes me a magnet for anything with the fear frequency!!
I was also thinking that my higher self was probably on pins and needles with the getting stuck business... I'm sure there was some canoodling in order to arrange for my incarnation/blueprint at my birth. I was born on the autumnal equinox in the Bermuda Triangle into the "perfect" family line (with whatever hybridization cocktail they offered through their DNA for me to work on in this life).... I bet I really wanted it to work out. And I STILL really want it to work out. Fear of mission failure is a big one for me.
Anyway... dusk... magnetic shifts... whatever is going on with the energetic atmosphere (lots of liquid plasma or kundalini or whatever that I saw Kyla was feeling too with the cold and hot energies triggering our CNS and endocrine systems).... on top of karmic density still clearing, on top of ego and fear clearing... it's just rough.
I have felt deeply that this... OL in particular... is our container... Paul's and mine. I feel it supports the work we are doing together (which has been a NIGHTMARE mostly because I've taken my eyes off God and fallen into codependency and all the mess that goes with that - fear, judgment, control, etc.)... I got into a relationship and instead of continuing to prioritize the relationship between ME and me, I started just putting my focus on him... specifically to try to change him. I see his magnificence... his potential... who he is underneath all the trauma we picked up in this incarnation... and I was trying to get him to BE THAT NOW. I was playing the Holy Spirit's role, thinking I could tell him what was what and if he just trusted ME then everything would be perfect. I didn't honor his journey... his sovereignty and freedom to do whatever it is he wants to do.... to work things out himself in his own time.
We are chaulking 2022 up to a year of learning... an opportunity to see what we DON'T want to do and wiping the slate clean and starting fresh in LOVE for 2023.
Sorry for the emotional vomit but I'm glad to have started a journal. Oh. I wanted to tell you about Rainbow Red the Squirrel. I wrote that as my subject line thinking that was what I would talk about but I did actually vent some stuff....not helpful stuff... just my junk... oh...but I DO have something helpful I want to share....
First... thank you Mhairi and... what happened? Is Sequoia now Patrick? I didn't listen to the Q&A for the last call yet and maybe it was mentioned in there or maybe it changed in the last few months since I was gone? I like it! Feels very organic and rooted. Would love the backstory. Annnnyway... thank you Mhairi and Patrick (??) Right?... anyway... whoever nudged the Ruby Sun meditation... I'm definitely feeling that. Maybe Rainbow Red the Squirrel is related??
But I have been pulling the OL " AM Energy Clearing " meditation like crazy these last few weeks. I have a stack of well over a hundred meditations and when one comes up more than once over the course of a couple days, it seems significant. In this case I have pulled that one, it must be close to 6 or 7 times...maybe more! I already listen to it almost every morning (without pulling a card) but I pull one at night or during the day when I don't know what meditation to do and it has come up SO many times! So I've listened to it at least 20 times in the last few weeks and even though I can recite lots by heart, HOW COME it's not become a part of me yet? How come I keep pulling that card? I want the magic to INTEGRATE PLEASE. I want it to BECOME me. (Big sigh.) Anyway, I think it's just a perfect mix of everything... a really great and supportive one for these times and thought I should share.
So Rainbow Red the Squirrel was a squirrel that was either hit by a car or fell out of a tree, but I found him (or her) on the road and brought him home. I was actually leaving a voicememo for Eliyanah at the time ... I tried to hang up with her at 23 seconds but my device wouldn't let me until I had eyes on this squirrel and was invested to investigate. (THEN it let me hang up. Weird.) Anyway... the sweet thing let me scoop him up and drive home with him on my lap. I expected to take him (or her) home and just hold him until he died. (Melanie's story about sitting with/supporting a cat who got hit by a car was inspirational to me).
As I was holding him with the sun glistening in his fur, I realized that he was also made up of rainbows. Maybe everyone with hair is??...I need to do more research on this... but he and his rainbows definitely had my heart. Paul named him Red (he also called him a he... I thought it was a she). We ended up holding him for an hour or so and then he started trying to crawl and crawled off my lap and then went running into our chicken yard. He was running in circles... confused and unwell. He had a bruised left side of head and swollen black and blue eye, and left arm injury as well. The chickens were scaring him so I scooped Red up again and held him for another 35 or 45 minutes until the sun was setting and we decided we needed to do something with him for the night. Paul made a little cage with blanket, water and rabbit food (we didn't have squirrel food) and we left him there. Paul said if he made it through the night that he would probably make it but he didn't think he'd make it through the night. Sweet Paul checked on him a few times in the night and jumped out of bed in the morning to see how he was doing. He opened the door and Red came out.
Red ended up climbing a tree outside our fence and was up there all day. Around 3 or 4pm I went to check on him and he was hanging over a branch, head hanging. I thought he had passed ...but then he blinked. So I decided I'd better do the Safe Passage in earnest. (I had been praying it over and over with him since yesterday but never with the meditation in Lisa's voice.) I went in to get my device and as I started it Paul came out. I asked if he would sit with me and hold space...not really expecting it (he's not into these kinds of meditations. He likes to pull the cards for the one I/we go to sleep to at night but he doesn't actually listen... he falls asleep quickly and they are really low in volume... but I think he's got a magic touch and he OFTEN....almost always.... pulls the OmniLov3 meditations which is why I think this container is especially supportive for us.) I digress.... anyway... Paul DID say he would sit with us and we went through the meditation and it was so powerful. The tree that was cradling Red lit up in Krystic White Light and held him... it was really powerful. Celestine Fire maybe??? Hmmm! Anyway... the SECOND...seriously...the SECOND we were finishing the meditation, Red sat up. I ended up going in to get a camera to take his picture and I'm glad I did because an hour later he was gone. Left the tree to who knows where!? (To join up with a squirrel family and live happily ever after, I hope.) It was such a special gift to get to love on him that day (1/1) along with so many other elemental bird friends that shook their tail feathers for us that day.... ducks, blue heron, falcons, vultures, seagulls, and Paul saved the life of one of our chickens that day too.
Anyway... whoop. I'll wrap it up. Long story short, Rainbow Red the Squirrel was a special friend and his presence and Mhairi's bumps are saying "yep, go do the 12D Ruby Sun med now sweet Carissa." Okay.
Lots of love to you all! Thank you for your love and faith and courage and the light and powerful frequencies you are anchoring to support our beloved earth's healing. It's a true honor to know and work with you all.
HUG HUG HUG
Love,
Carissa
ps. I feel so much better just hanging out with you like this. Thank you for hearing and loving me (and my mess).
The 9:11 that I had been seeing last week a bunch was also probably related to the Ruby Sun Template. Are we getting it back?
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