Coming out of the fog

I think I'm coming out of the fog now... today I had a very good cry... hours of crying. Last year at this time I had to let my BODY die. I had to have that "heart attack" that ended up generating new architecture and bringing me to the next level (which included ES, thanks be to God!)

This year I think I have to let my MIND die. I have to fully surrender into the PRESENT MOMENT. That was the message and confirmed by Troy's card pick. Here in this moment I am surrounded by love. I have an amazing life - I am loved by a man who loves God and others. I am supported and loved and snuggled by our beloved animal companions - Rue, Moses, Sioux, Roody, and the cheekins! 

We have a beautiful life and margin. We don't impose ourselves on others or the government - we work and live and save and are HAPPY for the most part. Maybe Michael and I don't share a sexual attraction ... I'm not attracted to anyone sexually. I'm androgenous. I'm clearing trauma. I'm a polarity integrator. But I am very attracted to Michael's love and our life. 

So what's the problem?

The problem was that I've potentially been deceived all this time because of the dramatic "arranged marriage" situation to Tyrone. Could that have been a hex by Lori, the dark wizard in Pittsburgh? I believe so. I was in a state of bondage and corded and confusion - always feeling like I needed to go back - and not in a sparkly warm way. I believe it was black magic. So maybe the Tyrone thing came out of that. I'm not sure. But I tried. I tried HARD. 

I see how I fell back from faith into the flesh trying to control the situation which felt out of my hands with him. I think he IS a fallen angel and I think I fell too....but by the grace of God, I'm being lifted back up. And maybe it is part of my role to help others like me. I think it's possible he IS one of my genetic equals or soul mates. I recognize the God-spark in him ...but there are also so many distortions and dark portals. 

I think this truly was God bringing it back to me for release. This is the time of year to release density and emotions and memories that no longer serve me. I've been holding on to Tyrone long enough. God has something better for me. Something beautiful! He already gave me the beautiful life I'm living now with Michael, seeking after the truth and heart of God. I'm surrounded by amazing friends and resources and I'm happy. 

Having Tyrone in my field - thinking about past and future related to him and hoping for something to be different than it is (him to be "saved" from reversals, etc.) is a downer... I don't want to be sucked into the Metatronic reversal again. I want to get OFF this dang Reversal 55 Grid. It's time. And the way to do that is to RELEASE TYRONE. 

So I do. I claim it now. 

He is NOT LOVE. He is not embodying love or Christ or truth. He lives in a state of confusion and bitterness. I cannot save him, only God can! Only HE can. I have, by the grace of God, been able to provide seeds...resources...that if he is led, he can research them and free himself. There is much spiritual housekeeping to do for both of us....but he is still in chains. God, please save him. I surrender Tyrone. 

I choose the beautiful benevolent life you've given me! I choose the truth, way, and life that I AM meant to become and embody! 

I wrote:

I want to fully embody LOVE. I want my ego to retire in submission to God/Source/Unity and I want to be free of mind and control and fear. I want to hear and respond to the movement of spirit with ease. I am fully supported and aligned with truth and love, allowing everything to unfold organically. I want to be a pure light unto the world with no selfish motives. Fully LOVE. Fully surrendered.

I choose that.

Thank you for helping me. Thank you for Michael. Thank you for this experience. It's been a wild one. But today I saw. After that nice big cry this morning... now I see more clearly. Tyrone is sad and sick. He is not this incredible God-being double-agent who is pretending to be cloaked in darkness. He truly IS cloaked in darkness. He truly IS tortured. As I have been. This isn't a judgment... just trying to see things in the light of TRUTH. I want him to be rescued. We are all here on a rescue mission, but spinning my wheels on one person isn't useful.... 

Choosing LIGHT. Choosing LOVE. Choosing SERVICE. THAT is useful. Choosing to LEARN and choosing to EMBODY Christ through prayer, meditation, yoga, and generally being available to hear and respond to the spirit of God....THAT'S what my energy should be spent on. 

The sky is magenta! Thanks be to Father God! Wellllll....apparently only I can see the magenta sky. I just went outside to take a picture and the camera isn't seeing it and Michael isn't seeing it. LOL WHOOOOOAHHHHHH!!!!!

What a life! Thank you GOD!!!!
I am free now! I am free now! I am free now!!

I AM God. I AM Sovereign. I AM Free!!!!!