Lightworker or dark portal (or both)?

 Lightworker or dark portal (or both)?

Reflecting again on my experiences where I felt like a “cell tower for God”. Could I have been a portal for unknown entities instead?

(In the context of the evangelical Christian church) I used to be an “amplifier” to help people worship. Deep in the process of singing and praying with my heart lifted to God, I knew I was a part of the “worship team” (even if they didn’t)…my job was to lift them to God… I could intentionally pray into people and amplify their connection… direct them deeper into God. It sounds delusional but it was part of what I felt led to do and I connected deeper as a result of my obedience to the direction. We were united in God, all doing our parts and I was able to see the connection and how it was brought forth through them to the other worshippers too.

This is one example but there were other things too - go places, pick up strangers, say things, do things, etc. And this is where my understanding of “gridworking” comes in because along with that, I would sometimes be led to pray and cry and dance and wail and get visions of connection with God and other people and really indescribable things but I was connected into something greater than myself and I just had to go with it.

At one point I prayed to be a channel… I didn’t know what that was, but I saw that Jesus was a “channel" (read that into the original language and followed it in my heart)…. and I wanted to be of use to God… a gold bowl in the sanctuary. A vessel unto honor, not dishonor.

I was given visions and understanding and insights about so much. This was mostly before my alien love bite and descent into the metatronic reversal pit of doom. But as I’m coming out, I’m coming back on-line. Getting direction, and dreams and visions and prayers so I want to understand my role and what is and was going on because I don’t want to be out of line…

Couldn’t it have been Annunaki manipulative tendencies that led me to “pray worship” into those people? And what about “intercessory prayer”? I used to think of it as crawling into people’s skin to pray for them… I got insight and could pray life or action or light or whatever into them from inside. But WHAT IS THAT?? Before my husband moved here, I remember praying for him and sensing this deep darkness … bitterness and pain stored in his chest cavity… and I went in there and took a stick and popped a hole through to let some light in hoping to dry up some of that dank cave.

This sounds very portal-Y to me now. I think/thought I had good intentions… and I was “lightworking” (though I didn’t know that term)… but isn’t this still manipulation? Imposing my (or whoever is popping through a portal in my field)’s will? “Satan transformed himself into an angel of Light" (2 Cor 11:14) and "If the light you think you have is really darkness, how deep that darkness is.” (Matthew 6:23) pierced my heart. Was I messing around in the astral plane and the false ascension matrix? I feel like most of the time my intentions were pure… but it’s still superimposition on someone else’s spiritual experience.

I was sent to car accidents - I wrote about this before somewhere - but I could sense that I had a shield (I called it a bubble) around me that protected me. Isn’t that related to my 12D shield? Was that a False Ascension Matrix construct too?

I don’t think I ever had anyone to talk to about “supernatural experiences”. I would get huge ego checks when I would consider it. And one time when I tried to talk to a pastor who I just KNEW had similar experiences, he said “we don’t talk about that type of thing”. So I was shushed. (That pastor is STILL on my heart and in my field and I love him so much. He’s just GOT to SEE soon!)

Anyway, I just want to know where the line is. Maybe there’s just a DO NOT INTERFERE. But is that true? What if people come to you? What if people ask for prayer? What about when I’m swept away in worship and prayer and brought somewhere to do or see something? What about when I feel like I’m supposed to say or do something?


Maybe this is coming from my ponderings about “creating sparks” (after my experience 12/21 where I sensed I was trying to do just that). That phrase was stuck in my craw but I couldn’t remember where it was in the Bible, but THANK YOU GOD, the next day I opened right to it! So there’s a verse in Isaiah that says that we’re not supposed to “create sparks” (KJV) and that always convicted and confused me because it seemed like in church that’s what we were doing… trying to rev ourselves up into a state of worship.

But THEN I read the verse in front of it where it basically says that even in darkness we need to wait on and trust in God’s plan and timing… not create sparks to try to fix or light the situation ourselves. If we do, then God leaves us to our pitiful little sparks (and sorrow)… but those that wait on God will experience… well, check out Isaiah 51 if you want to know…. basically it’s good stuff.

So I wonder if this “lightworking” is also like “creating sparks” and taking matters into my own hands, in a way?

If anyone has any thoughts or experience around this, I sure appreciate it! I know God teaches everything in DRT/DRO but I love a good shortcut if anyone has advice! Ha!