Continued processing on this topic… it’s a big one for me.
So… here’s what I’ve learned in the last few months… I have experienced my permanent seed atom coming online. I have experienced and seen the blue flame. I have gotten the Solar Feminine Melchizedek for my daily glossary pick twice this year. Once by itself, and once with the genetic equal information . I felt that it applied to me but didn’t understand it the first time…the second time it landed (more). I’ve been very drawn to the Albion body , staff / rod , 12 tree grid architecture and wing building . The wings came up right away when I joined 1/11 this year. I’m saying this because I think it relates very much to my “mission”.
Earlier this year I declared myself androgynous and related to the hermaphrodite AG article and I know that my work is to first be my own hierosgamos partner… to build (clear) my own lightbody so the holy mother, holy father, and Christos-Sophia can embody, bringing more light to the world/ 3D earth. That said, I feel strongly that I’ve also been connected to another being. (Stefanie’s share of the 10/14 Q&A was enlightening and answered many of my questions… one of which was could we have multiple genetic equals. From what I understand, yes. It has to do with the monad…maybe fragments that could also be found in different timelines. As we shift timelines we may find more pieces/genetic equals. Maybe?)
In my case I was introduced to my genetic equal, yes, but who I believe is also my hierosgamos partner - in 2011. Thank you for bearing with me as I work through this. I think potentially my first husband was also a genetic equal. I was not awake or activated at that time but the first time I looked in his eyes there was a supernatural ZWAMMMMGGG thing that happened and both of us just knew. He said “this is not good”… ha! Anyway, it was a difficult relationship and lots of addiction and energetic shenanigans on both sides but I know (now) that he is an incredibly sensitive empath (and I believe starseed). We are still friends. Even though we were likely part of the same soul family, I do not think he was my “God-given” hierosgamos partner… or maybe we just messed it up?
Tyrone, however, I feel was. We were supposed to "heal each other in love" as he said. He was definitely God-given. I was very awake at that time and had been walking closely with God for about 20 months when he was brought in. I was advised that it was going to be the most difficult assignment of my life and I agreed to go with it (through lots of tears and 3-4 months of begging and pleading with God about the whole thing. I remember one time being in the woods on the ground, praying and feeling like they say Jesus was in the garden of Gethsemane … blood pouring instead of sweat… just super intense and I remember pointedly saying “if you can take this cup from me, do it, but if not, Thy will be done.") And I went along with it all… trying to keep my eyes and heart open.
I married Ty the day he got out of prison. I had gone up to Pennsylvania to see him in prison once (I was in North Carolina again by that point) and it was very interesting… partially exciting (not only because I had never been around a prison before) to meet, and see for the first time, the man behind the letters and the man that God was yoking me with….and partially terrifying because he wasn’t shiny and happy and like the Prince Charming one would like to be married to. He wasn’t beautiful but neither was I. We DID share a passion for serving God. Anyway, I married him without knowing him…. everyone thought I had really lost my marbles. (I had done some strange stuff in the years prior, but this took the cake. No one warns that “steps of faith” are not comfortable or pretty or acceptable to society.)
We had lots of spiritual warfare in the marriage and lots of uncleared trauma on both sides. I responded by going back into my flesh to try to fix everything… to try to hold everything together. We know what that does… strengthens the ego and my ego was a little TYRANT. She went bonkers and was doing her best to displace the spirit of God/Christ because she thought she could do it better. In the end, I found myself bound in a demonic prison . There are lots of articles about it on this website (ES/AG) which I am so grateful for. They have helped me untangle the mess I got myself into. I’m grateful to God for the experience but more grateful for the help as I make my way out of it.
I guess we take on our partners' “stuff” if we are an empath. Is that true? I think my first husband, Joe, “activated” me in a way… I never had panic attacks before but he did and eventually I “caught” them. I started having lightbody activations and it freaked me out and caused me to panic. Tyrone had sustained a head injury in his late teens and “wasn’t right in the head” after that. So after we were together 3 years and I was feeling all the emotions that he was feeling (we were both incredibly empathic), and as I was trying so hard to hold it together in the flesh, I also had a head injury… and I don’t know if that was something trying to take me out, or God trying to show me what Tyrone’s life was like, or to wake me up out of my ego, or part of God’s lesson to Tyrone? Either way, it ended up breaking us. I think it helped open up some of my psychic gifts (psychosis they said), as I started being able to see things that I couldn’t before. I ended up in the mental hospital and it was a huge mess… but let me get back to the point. I actually have a point…
Tyrone couldn’t handle me after my injury. I lost my job and I couldn’t control my confusion and anxiety and couldn’t “save him” anymore. He needed to step up and into his power. Perhaps it was just too big of a mess and God called a time-out, or perhaps… yeah…it was that along with the fact that we just weren’t coping well. So he left. I was given information about that time that made me think that it wasn’t for lack of love (though there was definitely hate - I was the enemy) and he didn’t know how it would all pan out. He was operating on faith trying to follow God’s lead and it was very hard on him too. He was now floating…and remember, he’s not all there mentally either… he is truly disabled (although I think and pray it’s possible to heal).
Sorry this is so long. Let me wrap it up. Even though we’ve been separated since mid-2015, I have felt the whole time that he was still my husband. I made the covenant with my current husband, Michael, while still married (according to the US system) to Tyrone… so there is that layer that adds to it, but I have always felt like I “belonged to” Tyrone even though I couldn’t track him down or know where he was or what he was doing. Our whole relationship has not been on this plane… it’s been a relationship (and project) with God through each other.
This is all here now for a reason. I’ve been wanting to understand. And I understand and feel like we have never been separate… he is my “assignment”. I don’t think I signed up for a happy bright and beautiful hierosgamos relationship like Lisa/Tomás, Lisa/Sönke, Mhairi/Sequoia (some ESF examples) have. (I realize they all probably had their share of heartache to get to where they are and are doing continual work to maintain it). Maybe it is designed to BE that for us, but there is so much black goo in the way. And that’s my job. My contract. And I had a talk with myself this morning about whether this is an opportunity to get out of it…. maybe this is also coming to light for release and healing… like maybe now I can cut the cord and tear up the contract (we’ve been doing lots of that lately - I AM GSF) and be free to go on my merry way.
The thing is… wouldn't it be mission failure? And if I don’t do this job, who will? Isn’t this a form of transiting? Just because something is hard and ugly (it is… he is not well… but I can still see/feel our shared God-spark there)… but just because it looks impossible, does that mean I should give up? I am here to drag darkness to the light. Oooh. “Drag” is not a good word… it’s what I’ve used for 11 years, but it’s not right… that “drag” brings in “hero/savior” and “victim/victimizer” and who knows what else… all these control dramas that I’ve been engaged in… in the name of God. So no. I need to stand firm in the light and the darkness will flee.
So this is it. Do I accept my mission? Do I continue to accept my mission? I believe fully that he (and all his miasma) has been with me since we were brought together in 2011 (and maybe before - not sure if it works like that). I couldn’t name it as “his”, but I’ve cried a lot of tears the last few years… released a ton of density that I can’t pinpoint where it came from… maybe it’s his too. Our monad has been working with this NRG and Reversal 55 Grid for a long time so we’ve got a lot of stuff to port out.
I guess I’m at a crossroads…. and I want to do the right thing. So I will pray and clear and allow it to unfold. Look how much has unfolded (quite quickly too! You’re right Rosemary!!)…
The last two days I’ve been doing meditations and prayers and clearings intentionally for both of us and I think it’s beautiful and powerful and maybe intention will help move mountains. God’s will be done. God, please show me. Father, Mother, as Christos-Sophia, I ask for your direction and guidance. Thank you, beloveds!
Agreeing to continue in this union most likely doesn’t involve becoming Tyrone's life partner anytime soon… it’s not a choice related to my "love-life" (that will work itself out - poor Michael is currently "married" to both me and Tyrone (and he didn't sign up for that)), but a choice of continued commitment to our hierogamic union. This new information and understanding will allow me to be more aligned in my work/support. In the couple days and little interaction we’ve shared, it doesn’t seem like we are going to have any sort of meaningful or deep relationship. I hope I’m wrong, but it doesn’t seem like it. I think he’s really tied up in darkness. God gave me a glimpse though. For this purpose. So now I choose. (But first I wait.) This is a big decision and we call on all the spirits of Christ - patience, kindness, generosity, discipline, diligence, humility, and purity - to guide us.
Thank you for witnessing and I appreciate all the support and shared stories and insight - your love makes the world go 'round!
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